The Good Place

Wow! Ho-ho!

Oh, Janet, you did it! You brought us into your void.

If I had a heart, it would be pounding.

- Michael... - You know, you'd think

there'd be side effects, but I feel great.

How's the hair? Is it still amazing?

Michael, there may have been some side effects

for the humans.

Huh.

Dude, why are there so many Janets?

Anwhy do I sound like Janet?

You also look like Janet. Do I?

Why? What? What is happening?

Oh, no, am I...

wearing a vest?

Ooh, Michael, help me!

This is going to be tricky. How do we even tell them apart?

Oh!

Okay, that one's Jason.

I can't put the humans back in their own bodies,

so I've done the next best, but still not that great, thing.

A high-neck sleeveless?

- I suppose this outfit will do? - Are you sure?

I mean, wearing a floral print to an infinite void

at this time of the nothing?

So where are we exactly? We're not on Earth, right?

That's correct, Chidi-Janet. You're not.

Your real bodies dematerialized when you entered my void,

and your essences reconstituted themselves in this form.

Cool, cool. And when you say "void"...

Oh, I mean a sub-dimension outside of space and time

at the nexus of consciousness and matter

tethered to my essence.

Does that help?

It does not help. It makes it way worse.

I just want to lie down.

Where is down?

I found it. It's up here. It's dope.

I have an idea.

- - Sweet. I call sofa.

Janet's void has a back door

to the Janet warehouse in the Neutral Zone,

which is right near Accounting.

You four will stay here

while Actual Janet and I sneak through it

and find the Head Accountant.

But, Michael, why can't we go with you?

Well, you just died, which means you're

the first humans in history to not immediately go

to the Good or Bad Place, which, in turn,

makes you inter-dimensional fugitives.

So that's neat.

Also, the Judge is probably still pissed at me

for, you know, breaking all the rules,

and she might take it out on you.

Plus, the Bad Place is probably hunting for us,

so, literally, the entire universe is against you.

Okay, but what's a fourth really good reason?

Jeez, just trying to lighten the mood... tough void.

Now, Janet and I will pose as Good Place employees

and sweet-talk the Accountant into showing us his books.

If I'm right, we will find proof

that the Bad Place is tampering with the point system.

The Accountant will tell us what to do,

and this will all be over.

We're almost at the end, guys.

Just stay here, keep Janet's heads on straight.

- Bye. -

Is that a Good Janet or a Bad Janet?

That's a Neutral Janet.

She's sort of the black sheep of the Janet world.

Or blank sheep, I guess.

Ooh, I can throw shade now. That's cool.

You've arrived at the Accounting Office.

All point calculations

for actions taken on Earth are made here.

- End of conversation. - My name is Michael.

I need to speak with the Head Accountant

on official Good Place business.

I will inform the Head Accountant

of your presence, and he either will or will not see you

in a certain amount of time... end of conversation.

Wow.

Good thing your void plan worked out, huh?

Oh, having four humans in my void is weird.

This is nuts.

We're in a void in the body of a white lady.

- Not a lady. - Not a lady, darling.

Well, we are white.

Let's all say white people things!

Billy Joel. I found it on Etsy.

There was nowhere to park. Did you refill the Brita?

I find this void quite calming, actually.

It's like, this time, the Xanax took me.

Oh, I have the worst stomachache.

Dude, relax.

Here, let me see if I can figure this out.

Oh, wow, Eleanor! How'd you do that?

I don't know. We're Janets now.

So I thought we'd have some bitchin' Janet powers.

What just happened? What did you do?

Sorry, I'm just trying to help Chidi calm down...

The structural integrity of this void is already at risk.

You can't start randomly conjuring up objects,

or it might shatter the void.

Yes, it might.

It might make everything blow up,

and we'll all disappear forever.

Mwah. So stop it!

Everything okay?

- Nope. - Well...

The Head Accountant has decided to see you.

This will happen now. End of conversation.

Hi.

Hey-o!

There they are. Good to see you.

Sorry to keep you waiting. I'm Neil, Head Accountant.

- You must be Janet and Michael? - Yes.

Can I just say, I really depreciate you coming.

Huh? A little bit of accounting humor.

- Ah. - Yeah.

- So what can I do for you? - Well, I'm concerned

about certain anomalies in the point system.

I'm worried that, somehow,

the Bad Place has been tampering.

Tampering? No, no, no.

Quite impossible. Laughable, really.

Janet, can you remind me to laugh at that later?

Your amusement has been scheduled.

End of conversation.

She's a lot of fun.

Could you just humor us, though?

Show us how the system works?

Uh, well, I suppose I could give you a quick tour.

We don't get a lot of visitors. Follow me.

Eleanor, how'd you know

I always wanted a dog like this?

Funny story, it's one of the things

I saw in the alternate timeline,

where we were soul mates on and off for 300 years.

Maybe we should talk about that?

Well, I suppose we can,

but there's not that much to talk about.

The things you saw weren't part of my life,

so they didn't happen to me.

What the hell are you talking about, man?

Of course it was you. I saw it.

Well, it was a Chidi, sure, but it wasn't me Chidi.

This is a classic philosophical question.

The concept of the self, or who we are.

Philosophically speaking,

there's the Chidi I am, who lived a certain life,

and there's the Chidi you saw...

your soul mate or whatever,

who had some entirely different life.

- They're not the same Chidis. -

I'm so sorry. Yeah, no, I get it.

Counterpoint... that's the dumbest thing you've ever said,

and you do not deserve a puppy!

I'm un-blooping your puppy!

- -

- - Things are getting cuter,

and I want them to get less cute!

So this is the main feed.

Every action by every human on Earth is recorded

and then sent here to be assigned a point value

based on the absolute moral worth of that action.

For example, a couple in Osaka, Japan,

just decided to have a destination wedding.

Negative 1,200 points.

Oh, and it's a destination theme wedding.

Negative 4,300.

The theme's "Lord of the Rings."

They're basically doomed.

Ah, here's one.

This means that someone has just done something

which has never been done before.

"Richard Moore of Sugarland, Texas,

"hollowed out an eggplant

and filled it with hot sauce and nickels."

And amazingly, it's not a weird sex thing.

99% of all new human behaviors are weird sex things.

But not in this... oh, no, it is a weird sex thing, yeah.

Well, then we zip that over to the relevant departments.

In this case, Anastasia in the Stuffed Vegetable Department.

We've got Hector over in American Coins,

and my dear buddy, Matt, in Weird Sex Things.

I'm still waiting on a response to the request I filed

for immediate suicide.

Request denied.

I love Matty. He's hilarious.

So they now examine the action...

its use of resources, the intentions behind it,

its effects on others.

Correct. And you end up with this.

And here is why tampering is impossible...

because this score is then double-checked

by 3 billion other accountants, all chosen at random,

and if they all come to the same conclusion,