Ruthless People

Carol, did I ever tell you why I married her?

Yes, Sam, you told me many, many...

Her father was very, very rich...

and very, very sick.

The doctors assured me he'd be dead any minute.

There wasn't a second to lose.

I rushed right out and married the boss's daughter.

He was so sick!

It was like the angel of death was sittin' in the room with him,

watchin' the clock.

They pulled the plug on him.

He wheezed and shook for about an hour.

And then...

he stabilized.

That son of a bitch just got older and sicker.

And older and sicker!

And older and sicker!

- More coffee, sir? - No!

I couldn't wait around any longer. I went out and made my own fortune.

The old fart hung in there for 15 years!

Finally died of natural causes.

I want the rest of that money!

His money, her money, it's my money!

I had to live with that squealing, corpulent little toad all these years!

God, I hate that woman! I-I-I...

I hate the way she licks stamps.

I hate her furniture.

And I hate that little sound she makes when she sleeps.

Ohhh!

And that filthy, little shit bag dog of hers... Muffy!

- Aren't you scared? - Scared?

Hell, no. I'm lookin' forward to it.

My only regret, Carol,

is that the plan isn't more violent.

Don't you consider throwing a body off a cliff in the dead of night violent?

Nah! She'll be unconscious, knocked out from the chloroform.

I'm talkin' about hands-on involvement.

Hands-on?

Ohh. Ohh!

Oh-ho!

I'm goin' now. I can't wait.

Good luck.

Barbara, dear, I have something for you.

Barbara?

Where are you, dearest?

I have something for you.

Honey?

Barbara?

Dumpling?

Barbara?

No notes, no messages.

This is not like you, you meticulous bitch!

It's just like that woman to screw this up.

Damn it!

What are you doin' here? Mining the carpet with little poodle bombs?

Here! Take a whiff of this, you little fruitcake.

I'll kill you!

I'll wring your neck!

You hairy rat!

- Hello. - Mr. Stone?

Listen very carefully. We have kidnapped your wife.

We have no qualms about killing and will do so at the slightest provocation.

- Do you understand? - Who the hell is this? Is this some joke?

I have no patience for stupid questions Mr. Stone, and I don't like repeating myself.

Do you understand?

All right, I'm sorry. Please continue.

You are to obtain a new, black American Tourister briefcase,

- model number 8104. Do you understand? - Yes.

In it you will place $500,000 in unmarked,

nonsequentially numbered $100 bills.

- Do you understand? - Sure.

Monday morning at 11:00 a.m., you will proceed with case in hand,

to Hope Street Plaza and wait for a phone to ring.

You will receive further instructions then.

- Do you understand? - Yes, I do.

You'll be watched at all phases of execution.

If anyone is with you or if any action is not carried out to our complete satisfaction,

it will be considered an infraction of the rules, and your wife will be killed.

- Do you understand? - I believe so.

If you notify the police, your wife will be killed.

If you notify the media, she will be killed.

If you deviate from our instructions in any way whatsoever, she will be killed.

- Do you understand? - Perfectly.

Just 45 minutes ago, Mr. Stone received a call...

from a man demanding a ransom for his wife, Barbara.

Kenny!

Grab her legs.

Aah!

Do you think she's dead?

Aah!

You fucked with the wrong person!

My husband does business with the Mafia.

When they track you down, you, your entire family, everyone you ever knew...

will all get chain saw enemas and that's not all!

Oh, my God! I've been abducted by Huey and Duey.

An...

Jesus Christ! It smells like a toilet in here!

- It's just the ammonia. - We scrubbed down here for hours

down on our hands and knees, for God's sake.

My husband worships the ground I walk on! Wait till he hears about this!

He will explo-o-ode!

Bye-bye, Barbara.

In local news, a kidnapping today in Bel Air.

Police tell us this woman, Barbara Stone,

the wife of clothing tycoon, Sam Stone,

was abducted earlier today from the couple's estate on Bellagio Drive.

Preliminary sources indicated that Mr. Stone was contacted late this afternoon...

and that a ransom demand has been made. Police officials...

...kill Mrs. Stone if his demands were not met within 48 hours...

It's on every goddamn channel!

Millionaire heiress, Barbara Stone, has been kidnapped...

from her Bel Air mansion.

What'd he do, hire a publicist?

I feel terrible. Do you feel as guilty as I do?

Guilty? Are you kidding?

He takes our money, steals your idea,

goes out and makes a million dollars, and you feel guilty?

I can't believe it!

- How many times have we been over this? - Oh, honey, not again.

Let me remind you of something.

You are the spandex miniskirt king.

Not him. He is the spandex miniskirt thief.

He's the one who should feel guilty.

Look at this. Do you remember this?

You cried for a week when you saw this. Look at the smile on that asshole.

I know he stole it, but she really didn't do anything.

She was his partner! Oh, damn it, Sandy.

Do you enjoy getting stepped on? Do you?

'Cause I don't, and I don't feel guilty.

I take it back. I do feel guilty.

I feel very guilty. I trusted a sleazeball like Sam Stone...

with our life savings on a handshake deal,

and then sat there and watched him take it all away from us.

But that's over. We know better now.

From now on, we trust no one.

To hell with everybody else. We've got to be ruthless.

- Think ruthless. - What if I can't think ruthless?

You've got to. It's good for you. It makes you strong.

I mean what the hell's the sense of being a decent person when nobody else is?

Let's be assholes and get rich!

Oh, oh! I'm crazy about you, you big galoot!

Ooh, you were somethin' today!

- Yeah, it just doesn't get any better than this. - Mmm.

I'm gonna take a quick shower.

- Can you be ready by the time I get out? - Ready?

You're getting ready for Sam.

The video equipment, remember?

- Tonight's the night. - Oh yeah, I knew that.

- Now, do you remember where I told you to go? - Yeah.

- The old deserted bridge near the Hollywood sign. - That's right.

You wait for him there. He'll be in some rented car.

He's afraid of getting blood on his sports car.

Get in as close as you can.

It's important you get a good shot of his face.

If we can't recognize him, we can't blackmail him.

You get that videotape of Sam finishing off his wife,

and that man will give us anything we want...

for the rest of his life.

Yeah, then we're off to Haiti.

Not Haiti, Tahiti!

I knew that.

The passports came today.

Cool.

- Frank, glad you're here. - What have we got?

We found a chloroform-soaked handkerchief stuffed way down in the garbage,

and a tire print on the lawn, a good one. I'm having the lab check it out.

And we found a few drops of blood in the kitchen.

- Where's Mr. Stone? - He's upstairs.

He seems pretty upset.

Yes?

Mr. Stone, Lieutenant Bender and Walters are here.

They'd like to start as soon as possible.

I'll be right there.

Ow! Oh, oh!

Hee-hee-hee.

-I like to hear a woman make a lot of sound. -Uh-huh.

Well, I'll scream my head off if you want to, honey. It's your money.

And my wife just lays there like a gunnysack.

Oh, my God. She isn't dead yet.

He's gonna kill her right here!

Oh, oh.

I have no enemies, at least none that I know of.

I... I'm a businessman.