Silicon Valley

It's a fucking sketchy neighborhood, man.

You see that guy? That's Chuy Ramirez.

And he's gonna do our new logo.

That's the artist you were talking about?

You said he had paintings in galleries.

His works hang in the gallery of the streets.

- I'll be back in a flash. - Whoa, no. What?

OK.

Man, we're just going to sit here like this?

Oh, shit. Look at this guy.

He's a scary individual.

- Whoa. Um... - Hey, buddy. Do you have any drugs?

Please, let it up. Let it up.

If you don't let it go, I can't roll it up.

Just... please... Just, you...

Fucking prick! Ow!

I'm gonna beat you in your face!

Chuy Ramirez? Erlich Bachman.

- We spoke on the phone? - What's up, man?

- Pleasure to meet you. - All right.

This is great. Look at this.

This is what we need, you know what I mean? Something raw.

We already have kind of a shitty name, Pied Piper,

but the last thing we want is two lowercase P's in a square

like those motherfuckers across the freeway would make.

This is what we want?

So you gonna give me stock options, or what?

- What? - Yeah. You know Dave Cho?

He did the murals over at Facebook.

He got a stock option deal, ended up making like a hundred million dollars.

I want a deal like that.

You know, I don't really speak all that Wall Street bullshit.

You know what I'm saying?

We're just like five guys hanging out in a house,

trying to make cool shit.

Well, you told me you own ten percent of it,

so you must know something about it, right?

You could just give me some of your points.

Hey, I'm not an accountant, you know?

I don't even know what that means,

a lot of those words.

- You fucking prick! -

- -

Oh, you fucker.

Let me in. Please, please...

I'll break this. I don't care. I don't care.

- I'll break this... - I can't hear you.

- - Oh God.

I can't hear you.

Yeah, but you don't want stock in our company.

If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have taken the stock.

I would've taken cash only. I'm telling you...

- - Who's that dude?

- Uh, nobody. He's a coder. - You got a Latino working for you?

That's cool, yo. Not a lot of Latinos working in tech.

Yeah. Yeah, he's Latino.

Yeah, and he's one of the best coders we have.

Kind of adds a Latin flair to the company.

I told you, we do things differently.

Yeah. You know what?

I could do a cash deal for a Latino company.

I think we should get out of here, though,

because I just painted over some dude's shit

and people get shot behind that.

So I'll catch you on the flip. Peace!

Uh, OK. Peace, Chuy.

Oh, God. This is...

This is very real!

Hey, Dinesh! Get in the fucking car.

There may be a drive-by about to happen.

What?

You promised this guy ten thousand dollars

without any approval?

- Are you high? - A little bit, yeah.

But that's irrelevant.

A cool company needs a cool logo.

You think those guys over at Nucleus are hiring

a convicted felon to paint a mural on their garage?

For ten thousand dollars? No.

Look, I took a run at a burn-down chart.

Jesus fucking Christ.

It's not pretty.

The way things are going,

we're not gonna finish for five months,

and even with everyone on reduced salaries,

we'll exhaust all our funding in four.

And that's without wasting ten thousand dollars on artwork.

"Wasting"? I got a great deal.

You know he wanted stock options until he saw Dinesh?

- Hold on, what? - Don't be offended,

but for some weird reason, Chuy took a look at you

and thought you were... a Mexican.

Why would I be offended by that?

- What? - Why would I be offended

by him thinking I'm Mexican?

He's Mexican, right?

Yeah, he is, but you're not. You're Pakistani.

So? Actually,

the very fact that you think this would be offensive to me

is offensive.

You're the one being racist.

No. I'm not the one who called you a Mexican.

"Called me a Mexican"? You're doing it again.

I'm bending over backwards to not be racist right now.

All right. Well, what did he say when you told him I wasn't Mexican?

- I didn't. - And why not?

Because I wanted him to paint our garage for cheap.

I... I genuinely don't know how to respond to that.

You know, I'm not gonna take the bait here.

I am not a racist, all right?

I watch a lot of black porn. I mean, a lot.

One question.

In this porn, is the man black,

or the woman black, or are they both?

Is one of those racist, and the others aren't?

I'll hack his browser history. We'll get to the bottom of this.

Yep.

Hold on. That's unnecessary.

Hold on.

Richard?

Can you explain this to me?

- - Hmm? What?

I just got a text from my friend at TechCrunch.

Pied Piper just got into this year's Start-Up Battlefield?

Oh, really? Oh, that's so cool.

No. No, it isn't. We're already seeded, Richard.

Why would we enter a start-up competition at a tech conference?

I sent in the application a few months ago

and I totally forgot about it.

Relax, I will withdraw.

Relax? This house is chaos.

I gave up a great job and stock options at Hooli to come here

because I thought Pied Piper could be viable,

but it never will be unless we make some changes.

We need to operate like a business

or we're not going to...

Richard? Richard?

Thanks for coming in, Nelson.

Mr. Belson is very excited to meet with you.

I thought he was in Jackson Hole this week.

Yes, he is. We're going to call him up on the TeleHuman.

It's amazing. It's holographic 3D teleconferencing technology that we've acquired.

It's going to feel as if Gavin is right here

in the room with you.

- - Oh, it's him!

It's him!

Hello, Nelson. Thanks for meeting with me.

Whoa. Hi. That's cool.

Am I a hologram over there too?

What? No, of course not.

Question: do you still talk to Richard Hendricks?

Uh, yeah. I mean, not about Nucleus or anything...

Why would he enter Pied Piper in TechCrunch Disrupt?

I know a lot of big players have come out of it,

Dropbox, Yammer, what have you.

But Peter Gregory's already funding him.

Why would he let Richard do this? It makes no sense.

I don't know. I didn't even know Richard got in.

Is Peter Gregory toying with me?

Is he trying to make Richard seem folksy?

Like some aw-shucks boy-genius

entering an everyman's competition?

Mr. Bel... Mr. Belson?

- Can you hear me? - Hello?

- Can you hear me? - Yeah, it's just...

- It's sort of fading. - Hel-l-l-lo?

- Hello. - Hello-ooo.

I'm hearing you, it's just the image is...

Nelson, shut up for a second.

If you can hear me, make a gesture.

Is that... do you... I hear you.

- Is this... - I have no idea what you're saying, Nelson.

...Nelson. Nelson.

Can you help me, please?

OK, I think what happened was when you set it up,

- you forgot to... - I didn't set it up.

I paid one of you people to set it up. Just fix it.

Uh... OK.

Here's the thing, it's not working.

Um, the audio's still working. You could just use that.

"The audio is working"? Excuse me?!

I paid twenty million fucking dollars to acquire this company!

Fuck you, the audio is working!

Audio worked a hundred fucking years ago!

You fucking piece of shit-t-t-t...

- It appears we've lost him. - Yeah.

- Why don't we just Hooli-Chat instead? - Yeah.

Ah. That's better.

Sorry. The TeleHuman is a great piece of technology.

Unfortunately, the broadband isn't that great out here in rural Wyoming.

That presents a great business opportu...

- -

Nelson, make a gesture......hear me.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Uh... I think you forgot to update your software.

- God dammit. Fu...! -

- Oh. -

Hello. Oh, hi, Gavin.

What's that? I'm sorry,

you're kind of breaking up there.