Carter

Just turn your wrists a little more, think of something or someone specific.

It'll help keep your strikes focused.

- Guess who I'm thinking of? - How's everything with you and J. Boyle?

Good. Fine. I think he's happy with my work.

He's happy with you.

What? No, he's been nothing but professional, respectful.

- Dude, he's my boss. - Two are not mutually exclusive.

That person can have a thing for someone.

You ever think maybe you have a thing for him?

- No. And no. - Look I get it.

He's "Other side of the pillow" cool. He's got that New York swagger.

But I'm sorry, the two of you could never have a thing.

Cop with cop, that just can't be a thing.

People don't have "things" that's only on TV.

Things are real. You and I, we have a thing.

We don't have a thing.

Oh, we have a thing. I've seen this on a million shows.

The two leads, that's us, they have a long history with each other.

They work well together, sparky banter, there's a connection.

There's a thing. Look, we have no choice.

People want it, they see it in us, there's no avoiding it.

I'm avoiding it pretty easily.

Okay. You know what, let me tell you how it's gonna happen.

We're gonna be on a case, we're gonna be forced into some

tight quarters, like a closet or a sauna.

- A sauna? - It doesn't have to be a sauna.

That's not the point. The point is we're gonna be super close,

we're gonna have to be quiet.

There's danger outside. Our lips are gonna be millimeters apart.

The chemistry's gonna be electric and: we're gonna kiss.

If there's fireworks, that's confirmation. If not, writers gotta get back to work.

Wow, sounds like great TV, but that is not happening.

Hold on a second.

Boyle wants to see you in his office.

- He texted you? - He must really want you in his office.

You wanted to see me right away?

Shaw, what do you know about the Harthan family?

The diamond mining Harthans out of Vancouver?

More money than they know what to do with? What about them?

Well, they're on something of a national tour,

allowing people to view a rarely seen diamond

that makes the rock from Titanic look like a Skittle.

Helps raise money for their town.

And they've picked Bishop as one of the stops.

For Bishop?

Yes, but they received an anonymous tip about the possible theft of the stone.

Normally I would just triple up on security, send some bodies in there,

but this is more than just protecting the stone.

This is about finding out who might be planning on taking it.

So, where is this going?

The Harthans, they have a daughter, Wilhelmina.

She used to be a socialite, seen at all the openings, parties.

Rumor is she had some sort of a breakdown.

This was gonna be her first public appearance.

Why does this just feel like the set up?

This is a photo of the Harthan family.

You want me to go undercover? Please tell me you're joking.

If I were joking, you'd be laughing... Wilhelmina.

Carter

This is my first undercover anything, and I'm not an actress!

You've gotta trust me on this, okay? This is what I do.

I need six hours, some fine China,

and a healthy disdain for the little people,

and I will transform you into Wilhelmina Harthan.

But first, we start with this.

You want me to read the unauthorized biography of Judd Nelson?

What? No. Cool. Didn't realize I had that.

No, I want you to balance it on your head and walk around.

- We are gonna work on your posture. - Yeah, not gonna happen.

Okay Dave, put Judd on your head, show Sam how it's done.

Okay, Harley, I gotta say I have zero interest

in taking any part of this job of helping the one percenters.

If I have to spend one iota

of a second helping these country club snobs,

I will end up being the one getting arrested.

Come on, we used to love breaking into that country club on summer nights.

Remember we'd steal a golf cart, drive all crazy, do those insane

putts on the putting green with the sticks and wiffle nuts?

Remember the Sand Wedge Willy?

What, between the legs, off the 19th hole sign and off the golf cart?

No, don't remember it at all. Harley, that shot is impossible.

Okay, forget about the posture lesson,

let's just skip right ahead to the tea cup holding symposium.

I know how to hold a teacup.

- You do not know how to hold a tea cup. - I know how to hold

- a tea cup - I've seen you hold a tea cup.

You hold a tea cup like a peasant, you hold a tea cup like a commoner,

they will peg you in two seconds

and this whole mission will be compromised!

Take the tea cup.

Thank you.

Now here's the trick, acting rich and drinking tea.

The pinky. That's what I'm talking about.

- That's the "money pinky". - I'm not doing the pinky.

- Let's see a pinky. - Not doing the pinky.

- Look. Money. - No.

- Look how rich we are. - We're not doing the pinky.

Sam, it's how Judd Nelson drinks his tea.

Okay, can we just stop with the pinky and the book.

That is not what I need help with. Okay?

Here is a file on Wilhelmina.

I have been reading it over and over and over.

I know what she likes to eat for breakfast,

I know what her favorite color is, I know what she wrote

- her college thesis on - Judd Nelson?

The problem is it's just words on a page and it's all just blending together.

This is good. You're doing your research.

You're getting into character. Let's test you.

Wilhelmina was born in British Columbia. What town?

- Chilliwack? - Wrong! Coquitlam.

Oh, right, sorry, Coquitlam.

Wrong! Chilliwack! That's what I'm talking about.

When you go in deep undercover, you say something you believe it,

- They believe it. - Oh, so that's what acting's all about?

You're just lying. Like a lying liar?

Yes, Dave. That's it. You get me. You finally get me.

Sam, look, I don't want to scare you, but...you're about to go in deep.

And sometimes lines between you and Wilhelmina are gonna be blurred.

And then you're Johnny Depp in Donnie Brasco.

You know, I don't want you to be so deep that we're like,

- "Sam, are you in there? - No.

Sam come back to us.

Sam we love you. Sam, come home. "Come home, Sam."

Oh, my God, there is something wrong with you!

Like internally, in the brain, where most people have an off switch.

This operation is happening tomorrow and I come to you,

my best friend, stupidly, for help,

and you're turning this whole thing into a joke.

None of this is helpful.

Okay, so you may know how to act,

or pretend, or lie, or whatever you want to call it, but I am a cop,

and I have instincts of my own, so I am gonna just rely on those

to get me through whatever is coming at me, all right?

How does that sound?

You're ready.

I told your police chief this will never work.

Your posture is insane.

And I do not know where you were going with that outfit,

but you most certainly did not get there.

Well, it's not my dream job either, but it is my duty.

Those protestors are ill informed.

They are lumping us in with every other company.

Huey, honey, don't get your heart rate going,

I only brought so many of your blood pressure pills.

Okay, stay close to me when we exit, do not stop,

keep moving until I know we are inside.

And you try not to stomp when you walk.

Wilhelmina has the natural grace of a ballerina.

Shame on you!

Shame on you! Blood is on your conscience!

Shame on you!

Mr. and Mrs. Harthan.

Byron Kane, president of the country club.

I am so sorry about those pesky protestors.

But it is a great honor of mine to be hosting your family

and this illustrious diamond.

And what a special treat to find the lovely Wilhelmina

has chosen Bishop to return to the public eye!

I promise to do everything I can to make your family comfortable.

How lovely and greatly appreciated.

Thank you. Well, ta-ta.

Toodle-oo!

Well, young lady.

What exactly is it you're going to do to find out who is after our diamond?

If I took over as CEO, you would know it, and you could tell Riggins,

he'd have to stay on his toes.

If that was the case, then he would be my late husband. Am I right?

Willa? Hey, now.

Have you been avoiding me? Duff.

- Duff Stubbins. - Oh, I-- no...

- Duff. Yes, no. Yes, I-- you... - You don't answer your phone anymore.

I was hoping we could pick up where we left off all those years ago.

Don't tell me you don't remember St. Moritz.

You ever find your red bra?

Oh, my-- you know, I don't know what happened to that old thing.

You seem...Different somehow.

Not quite yourself. I can't quite...peg it.

- Okay. - Wilhelmina!

Duff, would you excuse me for just one quick second?

Sure, you can run but you can't hide.

What are you doing here? And what are you wearing?

Come on, there's a dress code here. You don't get to have all the fun.

Plus, you seemed to be in a little bit of a jam back there.

That guy, Duff Stubbins and I, me-- I mean,

Wilhelmina, apparently had some sort of thing,

none of which was in the packet, but it's okay.

I would have thought of something.

Well, now you don't have to, because I am here.

I do not need you here, I am doing fine other than my fake mother hating me.

Besides, Boyle assigned this to me. This is a special covert operation.

I am the epitome of covert, okay?

I get it. This undercover stuff is subtle, delicate, nuanced.

Duffy! You old bastard! I'm coming in for a hug!

This is gonna be so much fun!

How do you and Willa know each other? Is it an interesting story?

Well, I was on family vay-cay, our parents go way back.

And we got snowed in at the same lodge, trying to escape our respective families,

so I bought a couple hot chocolates, we cozied up, talked about our hopes,

our dreams, and let's just say, it was a...magical evening.

Magic! Willa does love her magic.