Impastor

Previously on "Impastor"...

Don't!

What are you doing, man?

My plan was to take over Jonathan Barlow's life

till I figured out my next move.

We are very proud to have a gay pastor.

What are you doing? He plays for my team.

I am not so sure about that.

What do we really know about this guy?

Baby, one more time!

Ho ho ho.

You're very charming.

You're leaving your wife for a hooker?

Oh! She is no such thing!

- You told him to do this? - No!

Thou shalt not kill.

You're under arrest for the murder of Jonathan Barlow.

You're making a big mistake here.

Yeah, never heard that before.

It was over. I was going to jail.

But at least it was better than getting killed by Damien.

Get down!

Let's go! Let's go!

Wait. You're going after him?

Guys, you really think this is a good ide...

Stick with him, man.

You know I don't have a seat belt, right?

Damn! Where'd he go?

Looks like he lost you.

It's against regulation to give chase

with a civilian in the car.

You're right. Good thinking.

Who the hell is that guy?

- Damien Westbrook. - You serious?

- W-who's Damien Westbrook? - Really, Tim?

He's one of the five most wanted men in Portland.

We had a whole briefing about him.

Optional briefing.

What's your connection with a big guy like that?

- I can't tell you. - Why?

'Cause I haven't come up with a good lie yet.

And then, like a gift from heaven, there it was.

Okay, fine.

You might as well know.

I'm undercover FBI.

I've been working the Westbrook case for three years.

That's bullshit!

You're Buddy Dobbs,

and you killed Jonathan Barlow.

Barlow jumped off a bridge.

After I faked Dobbs' death, I needed a new identity fast,

so the Bureau gave me his.

Yeah, right. If you're FBI,

let's see some ID.

Yeah, sure, because all undercover agents carry ID.

It's a big FBI badge we wear over our FBI T-shirts.

Did you two bozos even graduate the academy?

- Of course we did. - Why? What did you hear?

We're not buying any of this until we can confirm it.

- I'm calling my buddy at the FBI. - Good idea.

I'm getting really worried about Buddy.

I mean, why would he just run out like that?

Where did he go?

I've never seen anything like it.

Even when Pastor Willis' gallbladder burst

- he finished the service. - Oh, my gosh.

Do you think we should call Ladner General?

Okay, let's not overreact. I'm sure he's fine.

Then why isn't he answering his phone?

Damn it.

My friend says he can't confirm or deny

any undercover operations.

I don't have clearance.

Yeah, I could've told you that.

- Now unhook me. - That doesn't prove you're FBI.

Let's go down to Portland and sort this out.

Wait, wait, wait.

- I got a better idea. - Yeah?

You guys came up for a bust, right?

What if I let you take down Damien?

Why would you do that?

So I can stay undercover and go after his boss.

24 hours... that's all we'll need.

You could be heroes.

Pros... we get a guy like Westbrook,

we finally get some respect, maybe even a promotion.

Cons... if Dobbs is lying and he runs,

we just let a murderer get away.

- We can't let that happen. - No.

Not again.

All right, you got 24 hours.

Wise decision, my law enforcement brothers.

Hey! What the hell? You LoJacking me?

Call it insurance.

If you're FBI, we get a major bust.

If you're lying, we still have you.

Any problem with that, Club Fed?

No. No problem at all.

- Hey, everybody. - Buddy!

- There you are! - Oh, thank God you're alive.

Are you hurt anywhere?

- Oh, my. - What happened?

You said you were going to the bathroom,

and then you never came back.

If you're on the junk, we have a right to know.

Look, I'm sorry for leaving, but on my way to the bathroom,

I got a Pastor 911 call.

Somebody was threatening to, uh...

- end it all. - Oh, my gosh!

- Who? - That's confidential.

Luckily I was able to talk this troubled soul out of it.

Couldn't do this on the phone?

Alden, he saved a man's life.

Or woman?

Let this be a reminder...

to cherish life...

every day.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've been holding it in

- since the sermon. - Ooh. Ow.

I had two choices...

go to prison or face a man who wanted to kill me.

So I took number three... hack off this bracelet and run.

Hello, Pastor.

Jesus.

You scared me.

You should be scared.

I don't take well to people ruining my marriage.

Yeah, I noticed.

You got quite a left hook there, Rocky.

Your reference escapes me.

Never seen the movie "Rocky"?

- I don't enjoy entertainment. - Huh.

What I do enjoy is my prominent standing

in this community, and I am not about to lose it

because you filled Alden's head

with some gibberish about following his heart.

Look, Hilva, it's not my fault.

When I say stuff to Alden, the last thing I expect

- is for him to listen. - Well...

apparently you have his ear.

So you need to convince him not to throw away

40 years of marriage for some trollop!

- Trollop? - Whore.

Ooh.

And for your own good, you will do it soon.

Trust me, you don't know what it's like

to be on my bad side.

I bet it's a lot like this.

Except you're living in your car.

Did you know I hold the deed on this house?

You wouldn't kick me out, would you?

Oh, really?

Don't make me laugh.

Is that even possible?

You're tough.

I think there might be

more going on with Buddy than he's letting on.

I mean, he was acting weird at the service

before he got that call.

No, no, no, don't worry.

If something were going on with Buddy, I would know about it.

Thanks. He can't hide anything from me.

I...

So how was your date last night with Dave the handyman?

Does he know how to use his hammer?

Sex pun. I love it.

Did he... did he loosen your lug nuts with pliers?

I don't know what that means.

Me neither. I'm not good at this.

What about you? What's up with you and that accountant?

Have you made your move yet?

No, I don't make moves, Russell.

Look, I have always believed that if I am meant to be

with someone, God will make it happen.

God is not your pimp, Dora.

You need to let a guy know you're interested.

Use some body language.

Yeah, like make eye contact,

lick your lips,

or maybe, like, gently touch his arm.

When you walk away, always glance back.

Guys love that.

Okay, maybe I'll... try it.

I might snag myself a nice dentist

who could floss my gums.

- That's a sex pun. - Uhuh.

Aah! God damn it!

God, sh...

God!

Oh, looky here.

Our guy's trying to take off his bracelet.

I knew his FBI story was bullshit.

Good afternoon. I'm Detective Hyde.

- This is Detective Lovello. - Well, hello.

- I'm Dora. - We're here to see the pastor.

Oh, is this about the break-in?