Five Days

You can't park that car here, miss. And you can't ride that bike here.

So that makes us both villains.

SCREAMING

BRAKES SCREECH

Where is your maman?

Why did his mother leave him in the disabled toilet?

Why not the ladies? Why not the gents? Nobody would leave a baby in the gents.

Not even a caveman would leave a baby in the gents.

The body under your train wasn't his mother. You don't know that.

It wasn't anybody's mother.

The driver was deceived by the clothes.

Your train hit a man.

There's you. There's that lady what jumped off.

And there look, it's a person.

There is a person on the bridge behind her.

BABY CRIES

Ow! I'm sorry.

I was just looking for a kettle.

I'm sure the nurses must have one here somewhere.

Isn't he beautiful? Yeah, yeah, he is.

Lovely. Can I pick him up?

Why don't we just get you back to bed?

Sweet.

Oh!

LAUGHTER FROM TV

Bye, dad.

Got owt to eat?

No, we've got nowt.

There's got to be toast. Every bugger's got toast.

He always leaves me some money.

Bastard! Pockets. No! No!

Come on, Ross. My dad'll go mental.

No, don't. Come on!

Ross, Ross...

Come on!

After taking a first account from the driver without authorisation,

this officer took it upon herself

to lead a passenger evacuation of the train.

No, the train evacuated itself, sir, quite forcibly.

Besides, nobody died.

Apart from the bloke in a burqa.

I think you will find the correct term is jilbab, not burqa.

If you're going to give me a bollocking,

could you be the only person to remember it's my birthday?

Come with me.

BTP accept that yesterday's evacuation...

I didn't evacuate the train!

..was conducted safely and without injury. But...

Private enough for you? Yes, sir. Thank you sir.

..but this officer was responsible for a potential compromise

to the Article Two rights. Open brackets...

I breached whose human rights? ..open brackets, rights to life,

closed brackets, in that she led those passengers

from a train without due regard for their health and safety.

Much to detain you in the Criminal Justice Admin Unit today?

Take a job car. Get down to the Queen Mary's quick enough,

you'll catch them in the morgue.

Your new best friends have specially requested your input.

Happy birthday, Laurie.

# Girls will be boys and boys will be girls

# It's a mixed up muddled up, shook up world

# I said Lola... #

Not many laughs in your job?

# L-O-L-A L-L-L-La-Lola... #

Doesn't give up, does he?

Oh, the headlines. "Burqa Boy!"

There won't be any headlines.

There's no way he can compete for attention today.

Hey, big boy, less of that. You're going to be in the paper today.

Going to get your mummy to come and find you. She'll have a job!

She'll not get through security.

You're joking, aren't you?

That old woman got in here this morning.

Frightened the life out of me.

Now who's being an old woman?

That cleaner got in last night, too, the one that found him?

I didn't see policemen then either.

BABY GRIZZLES

Oi, you haven't paid for that. Get back. What are you doing?

Oi! Oi! I'll get bobbies on to you!

Ha! Try it! I'm ringing them now!

On telly there's bobbies everywhere.

And ribbons round everything.

"Crime scene. Do not pass".

And sirens. And blue flashing lights.

What if nobody knows except us? Just shut up about it, yeah?

And no grassing. How's it grassing? My dad says never talk to no police.

Never.

It were that horrible kid off the estate again.

But you did nothing about it last time.

Come on.

HORN BLOWS

Come on, you loser! >

If it's any comfort, it's easy enough to see how the confusion arose.

He looks so young. Cheeks like a girl.

Any clues on that?

On his age? Difficult.

I need to see some X-rays, check the fusion of his bony epiphysis.

I don't know, mid-teens?

We need to find the parents. Could be thousands of miles away.

We need to ID this kid. I need to take a look at the scene.

So, do we know who our little jumper was yet?

Lola was an IC3 male, age to be determined.

Pending toxicology, death was caused by over-familiarity with a train.

Lola?

You don't really think he were a trannie though?

Trannies don't cover themselves up. It spoils the whole point.

I wouldn't know.

He could have been using it as a disguise.

There were that reporter wangled his way into Baghdad wearing a burqa.

Not sure how that's a good tactic for wangling your way into Leeds.

But what do you think?

I like to ask the right questions of the right people before I think anything.

And what about the baby? The baby's not our job, is he?

He is if Lola's his father.

Can I remind you that when Lola was a girl,

she couldn't have left the baby here

due to the fact that she was being smashed

by a train at the very same moment. Do you remember that?

Now that Lola's a boy, that fact still remains.

And if you don't mind, I've got to go and find him a new name. Burqa Boy!

But this was a jilbab, not a burqa.

PC Franklin, Burqa Boy and Buggy Baby are two different jobs. OK?

One of them's mine and none of them are yours.

So what exactly did you want from me for today?

I wanted your service report for the incident yesterday.

You didn't have to leave your desk.

I keep thinking what if he pushed her. Just stop thinking about it.

What if he pushed that lady right off that bridge?

Oh, shut up about it!

Hello, Ross.

Run! Ross!

Run!

Ross!

Come on, run! Run!

Ross?

Oi.

So, who are you then?

And where's your friend?

You don't need to be scared. I'll take you home, if you like.

Oh, Christ! Bastard...

Bastard!

Morning.

Hey. Hey. Can't keep away, can you?

When do you get to take him home?

Soon as his 24-hour observations are done, I hope.

There'll be people fighting to adopt him.

Yes, but five quid says he's mixed race,

or dual-heritage as we're supposed to call it these days.

They'll be looking for one white parent and one Asian and they'll start fretting

about whether the family should be Muslim, if the set up is Muslim enough...

It's being so cheerful keeps you going. You like happy endings.

I like putting my knives in the knife drawer and my spoons in the spoons drawer.

Are these his notes?

Does the idea of medical confidentiality mean anything to you, officer?

Is it blood group AB? Yeah, you should have heard the racket

he made when she took the sample.

That's quite rare, isn't it?

Yeah, I think so. Most people in England are blood group O.

But AB's more common in Asia, apparently.

What are you plotting?

HORN BLOWS

There's no evidence of a scuffle.

There's no evidence anything happened here.

No CCTV cameras, no buildings overlooking the track.

No bus stop. PHONE RINGS

We'll have to work hard for witnesses.

DI Craig.

'It's Laurie Franklin.'

Listen, the baby's AB.

Yeah. Is that catching?

Blood group AB.

So, did you get a blood group for Lola?

'Would there be a point to that?'

Given all the transfusions he'll need when they sew him up?

He can't have left the baby at the hospital, but they could be related.

'It's a blood group, it costs nothing.'

'Tell you what,' do it to prove I'm wrong.

Do it cos it's my birthday.

Supercilious git!

Oi! Come on, put it down.

Yeah, right, thanks, Natalie, speak to you soon as.

Just hold on, I'll put you through.

Those two lads conductor saw?

We just had a report about two lads thieving close to our scene.

Could be the same kids.

Good one.

PHONE RINGS

He looked more alive this morning.

Thanks a bunch! Took me ages, that. DI Craig?

OK, thanks a lot.

They've SGM plussed him against the DNA database.

No match. Lola's not a criminal, then.

Or not one we've ever nicked, no.

Mr Nobody.

There's no evidence that a crime's been committed here at all.

So all we're after is an ID to put a name to him,

and a family to break the news to.

And I don't want to make that harder we have to.

I don't think we need to mention what he was wearing.