Blunt Talk

Thank you, stan. You're too kind.

Stan?

Has anyone ever told you that you bear an uncanny resemblance,

In profile, to the duke of windsor?

No, i haven't heard that, mr. Blunt.

Oh, i'm surprised. You have his mouth.

Have you ever studied that era, stan?

No.

Wallis simpson was perhaps

The greatest woman of the 20th century.

Why is that, mr. Blunt?

Because she was an american divorcee

Who almost became queen of england!

Nearly brought down the whole fucking house of windsor by herself.

well, i did not know that.

Edward, the duke of windsor,

He gave up his throne for her.

She was strong and he was weak.

A total mess.

But that was a fascinating and dangerous time.

They were very friendly with

Jimmy donahue, the woolworth heir.

Jimmy was a somewhat erratic homosexual.

And...

One time in new york,

Jimmy was shaving the sex organs of a soldier

And by mistake he lopped off his balls,

Left the poor fellow like an orphan by the brooklyn bridge.

A soldier! Oh, i don't like to hear that.

My father served.

Oh, yes, poor, poor lad.

But he made it to a hospital,

And it cost jimmy's mother

A quarter of a million dollars,

Which is not enough for having lost your testicles,

But in those days it was.

Ah, it was the depression.

Quite. Supposedly, though, jimmy could be very charming.

Unless you were a soldier.

Mr. Blunt? I saw your show tonight.

Thank you. You may be the only one who did.

Are... Are you all right? I'm fine!

I just need to adjust my mask.

It keeps on slipping.

All better now.

Stan, where's harry?

I don't know, mr. Blunt.

Mr. Blunt. Why don't you stay and have a cup of coffee?

Mr. Daniel craig and mr. Jeffrey katzenberg

Are just finishing their dessert.

Oh, dear jeffrey.

One of the good guys. Give him my regards.

But i'm going home to beddy-byes.

Would you like stan to call you a car?

I am concerned...

I'm okay, phil.

Don't forget, i am walter blunt.

Right here, right now.

Get the fuck off of me. Fucking loser.

Go snort some coke, you fucking idiot.

Excuse me, miss, is everything all right?

Yeah. You wanna date?

I beg your pardon?

Lower this shitty-ass music!

I said, "do you wanna date?"

Are you a lady of the night? A courtesan?

Look, i don't know what you're talking about.

I'm a goddess and i'm a fucking model.

Now do you wanna go on a date with me or not?

Sure. I'd like to go on a date.

Hi. Hi.

Uh, just go down a few blocks, i know a good spot.

Oh, would you like some whiskey?

Or, um, marijuana chocolates,

I have both.

Slow down, baby. Look,

We should probably talk business first.

Do you know what type of girl i am?

Well, you said you were a goddess and a model.

I'm a transsexual.

Do you know what that means?

Oh, yes, i was at the us open in '77

When renee richards made her debut.

But i would never have guessed that of you,

Which i hope you don't mind me saying.

No, it's okay. Most people just assume i'm a biological girl.

Or whatever that means.

And does that mean that you have an intact penis?

Why don't we just say i have a nine-inch clit.

Does that bother you?

No. I'm english.

Okay.

So what do you wanna do?

Um...

Might i nurse on your breasts?

Things have not been going well for me at work

And at home.

And to suckle would be a great comfort.

You just want to kiss on my titties?

Yes. That would be lovely.

See there, no implants.

Just au naturel titties.

Grown from hormones and healthy eating.

The world has changed so much.

May i? Sure.

Oh...

Lower the seatbelt.

Oh, i'm sorry i didn't ask.

What's your name, my dear?

Gisele.

I know we've only just met, gisele,

But i like you very much.

Thank you for being kind to me.

I like you too.

this is the lapd. Step out of the car.

No. Walter, i'm gonna make a run for it.

I can't get arrested. My mom will freak out.

Walter: Go, gisele!

Hey! Come here!

Put your hands on the car!

Hey, you're being too rough!

We have a celebrity and a prostitute resisting arrest...

Gisele: You're hurting my arm!

Let her go, officer!

Stand down, sir, and put your hands on the car.

Hey. Don't fucking touch me.

Oh, shit!

Run, gisele! Save yourself!

Is he all right, officer?

On the ground, now!

Get off the car, mr. Blunt!

No! Everyone go away!

Officer: Mr. Blunt, you have to get off that car, you are in serious trouble.

I will not get down. I need... Harry!

Gisele: Sweetheart, just get down.

They'll shoot you.

Gisele, i'm so sorry you had to witness this.

We did nothing wrong.

I know, baby. Just please, get down.

It is time to get down from the car, mr. Blunt...

Whoa! Hey, hey!

Who's that? Hands up! Hands up!

Major.

You seem to have found yourself in a spot of bother.

Harry! There you are!

Where have you been?

I was passed out on the backseat, sir.

You better get down from there.

You're surrounded.

It's the falklands all over again, harry.

"by land, by sea."

Officer: Mr. Blunt! Get down from the car!

I don't feel well, harry.

I ate some chocolate marijuana and it's starting to kick in.

My feet are vibrating and my thoughts are odd.

I've told you that edibles are dangerous, major.

You have to think of them as time-release vitamins.

Take very little.

Oh, gertrude, gertrude, when sorrows come,

They come not single spies but in battalions!

Officer: Mr. Blunt!

This is not the audience for hamlet, major.

It's not?

Reporter 1: Mr. Blunt! Mr. Blunt!

Is it true that you sent a policeman to the hospital?

What will this mean to your career?

Reporter 2: Do you have this prostitute's phone number?

Mr. Blunt, have you spoken to any of your wives?

I have not spoken to any of my ex-wives.

This is the benefit of divorce.

When you've been arrested, you're not expected to call!

Reporter 1: Mr. Blunt, how old was the prostitute?

Reporter 2: Are you an american citizen?

Harry...

You have to face them, major.

Rally the troops and all that.

Thank you, harry.

My bloody head is killing me.

Do your best, major.

I'll be in your office consulting with our commanding officer.

I haven't dared look at my phone.

How bad is it?

It's a shit storm, walter!

You fucked yourself real good.

Jim: You're getting slammed from every direction.

New york times, o'reilly,

Anderson cooper. Martin?

Um, here's the pull-quote from o'reilly's radio show this morning.

"this brit who had the audacity to come to the us,

"preaching to us about the death penalty and immigration,

"flouting his credentials as a former royal marine,

"wounded in the falklands,

"is a..."

Did he say "falklands" sarcastically?

Uh...

His tone was...

Uh... Dismissive.

Go on. going on.

"is a moral imbecile and a sexual degenerate."

God!