My Sister in Law (La pretora) (La pretora)

MY SISTER IN LAW

What a doll!

Lady, what are you doing? It's a one way street...

You can't go that way.

I'm new to Bellignano...if you... Hey? Why don't you reply?

- Good morning, doctor. - Good morning, Lo Presti.

Hey, look who's once again. Let me give you my business card...

- Engineer Raffaele Ghislenghi. - It's a pleasure.

- Listen, I'm new to this little town. Do you know where the court house is? - Did you say the court house?

A small matter, nothing important. I'm a close friend of the minister...

...but I don't want to disturb him over something so trivial.

You know how things work in Italy...

...by a hundred notes I could just buy that dumb magistrate...

-...and in five minutes I'd be out, on my way back to Lugano. - Well done, well done.

Listen, lady, why are you so cold with me?

We might stay in touch for this evening.

What the fuck! She has just got in touch with me right away!

- Engineer Ghislenghi! - Who are you?

One moment.

Greetings.

Perfectly on time. Well done! Talk about Switzerland...

I'm Bortolon.

The lawyer Bortolon from the bar of Bellignano, it's a pleasure.

We must go to the court house. Have you forgotten?

The hearing is set at 9 o'clock. It's nothing, don't worry...

It's one of those cases where we've won before we even start.

It should only take a few minutes, there's no dispute against you...

- I've studied this case thoroughly. - That's what worries me.

Come, I'll clear a path, come.

Hi.

This is your seat.

- Who's he? - That's the lawyer Lo Presti.

A locum for the public prosecutor. He'll just make you die laughing.

- He's from Trinacria. - Strange, I thought he was Sicilian...

Is he tough?

Tough him? He's softy. An erotic maniac.

Both he and the chancellor the more are softy the more they comprime themselves being closer to the magistrate.

- Don't worry. - Who's worried?

- You don't know me, dear Burtacchion. - Bortolon.

A judge who can screw me over has still to be born.

Court is in session.

- Who's she? - The lady magistrate.

She works as a compressor for the two neurotic guys.

- As I told you, the whole thing is a farce. - A farce? It's a tragedy.

I'm asking the lawyer Lo Presti for providing the public prosecutor's functions. Lawyer Lo Presti?

- He...here! - Chancellor, write it down.

Yes, doctor. Right away.

Sit down, come on.

Here're the criminal proceedings versus Esposito Raffaele...

...also known as count Ghislanzoni Doria Raffaele...

...also known as professor Viscardi Raffaele...

...also known as engineer Ghislenghi Raffaele...

...and from now on also know as the fucked Raffaele...

Lawyer, how many years are for a sentence for fraud?

- From 1 to 6 years, but, don't worry, in your case... -...they will be 12! - Of course not!

- Is the defendant in this courtroom? - Unfortunately...here.

Come forward.

Who is defending you?

That's me, the lawyer Bortolon, mrs magistrate.

The usual.

Fine.

You know the charge.

Articles 640, 515 and 516 of the penal code...

...on the basis of a report by Spegiorin Oreste...

...as the owner of the restaurant "The gourmet's tavern"...

...you've been charged with selling a lot of one thousand...

...cans for food for dogs...

...passing them off as top notch goulash.

- What must you say in your defence? - I'm not guilty, I swear!

Illustrious mrs magistrate...

...there's only a way to dismantle this unequal accusation...

...which my client, a principled and honest citizen,...

-...has been charged. - A victim of a world bastard like a dog.

A dog! - A dog? - A hard-working man...

...of a high degree and of a steady reputation in the business' world!

Who, according to what proceedings report, has been already sentenced many times.

- Article 669: unauthorized practice of hawker as a profession. Article 517:... - Don't worry about that...

-...sale of false industrial products... - Don't worry about that too...

673: removal of signs or shelters...

707: unauthorized possession of altered keys.

567: substitution of newborn babies.

498: usurpation of military command. 574: subtraction of persons of unsound mind.

Illustrious mrs magistrate...

...but these are small guilts, youth excesses!

I'm wondering who didn't make them! Who?

We are not here to judge these small guilts, but...

...a charge which my client rejects vigorously. May I have one of them please?

Mrs magistrate, but which food for dogs!!!

I do say, so I'm showing you,...

...mrs magistrate, that that lot sold to Spegiorin...

-...was an exquisite dish! - Be quiet Burtacchion! - Bortolon!

- A very good goulash, mrs magistrate! - Burtacchion! - Bortolon!

A very good goulash, I said, made by an extraordinary,...

...exquisite and amazing top notch meat,...

...meat, mrs magistrate, which I'm tasting right now!

Chancellor, be quick, get rid of those cans. They might explode.

What a scent, mrs magistrate. It's exquisite...

Now, I will try some.

Let's go to the bar. Go away, go away!

- How do you feel, lawyer? - How do you think I feel?

I'm feeling distraught. I'm not used to it.

It's feeling like my intestine has turned inside out...

Engineer, with all due respect, it's like I've got shit in my mouth.

- Two coffees. - Good, good.

The only thing I could do...

...was to request a laboratory analysis.

Sometimes, you know, you may buy time thanks to an additional inquest.

So, between the lab analysis and the delayed proceedings I'll get a life sentence.

Forget the life sentence, don't speak this way...

You as well, tough, of all the hot chicks in Bellignano...

...you had to go up against the lady magistrate.

She's not a woman, she's a cop. Everyone's scared of her...

There was a certain amount of freedom earlier.

Lawyer, damn! Do you want me to wrap some up so you can take it home?

Since the lady magistrate arrived on the scene...

-...it has become a town of puritans. - I understand you, lawyer.

No, you can't understand it...

This is a prosperous town, thanks to some small factories, farmings...

But she's quite something new... she's terrible.

They're bigots: when a spicy film plays in the cinema they all go crazy.

- That lady magistrate eats up all their bread. - I understand you, lawyer.

You can't understand it.

They're all madly in love with the lady magistrate.

First of all, because she's beautiful...

...and secondly, because she's a woman as a magistrate.

So they think they're advanced, evolved...

-...feminists. - I understand you, lawyer.

- You can't understand it. - So why are you telling me?

This way. She's giving a rough time. What a desperation she's!

And that great bigot, Lo Presti,...

...is her black soul.

Those two seize all the spicy comics, and when porn films are screened...

...they go insane, just like when they used to burn witches.

Where are you going?

Were you going to pay? No, not on your life! You're my guest...

- Lawyer, it was only a coffee and some snacks. - Okay for the coffee but the snacks were six.

- I won't allow you, I changed my mind, you're my guest. - Please, don't be ridiculous...

- I said I'm paying and that's it. - But...

Two coffees and six snacks.

Engineer, engineer, what about the rest?

The rest...well, you can tell me the rest the next time, lawyer.

- At this point you, what do you do to the common sense of decency? - Huh? - What do you do to the common sense of decency?

- What do you mean? - By now you're saying goodbye to it!

Good thing that we have the 2nd paragraph of article 508...

...where obscene language...- 28... - 28 you're right, obscenity, vulgarities...

...in every aspect, even into the movies!

We must believe, we must obey, and also fight!

Lawyer, I agree with you completely...

-...but this screening worries me a lot. - Why?

- We're in a delicate situation now. - Really?

I'm not sure if I've explained myself, but...

...th-th-that lady is a woman, she's naive...

- What does she know about dicks? With all due respect...- Sure, with all the due respect...

- So, how can she judge? - What's that got to do with it?

It's her profession. She studied at university. What the fuck!

Here she comes.

She's so beautiful.

Sit down, please.

- We can start immediately. - Yes, doctor.

We'll write everything down, chancellor.

- May I? - Who is it? The usual ball breakers.

- Mr Pavarin. - Has it started?

- Not yet, the lady magistrate has just arrived right now. - Take this.

- Come in. - Tony...

- I took the liberty of bringing the apothecary with me. - But... - He's outside the door. - Never mind...

Come in.

- I brought some friends along. - No...no other friends.

Come in...Bepi, Gaston, Pasquale.

Oh, my dear Bepi... Have your money ready, come on!

Great. Where are you going? Fork up!

Anyone else? No, that's enough.

I never earned so much, not even during the days of "Gone with the wind".

Let me through. I need to do that, that's my place there, are you crazy?

- One moment. - One moment, once again...

Chancellor, put this down in my verbal.

- Excuse me, can we stop the screening? - Yes.

Thank you.

Tony. Stop it.

Upon a report by Lo Presti Francesco,...

...legal proceedings are started, according to articles 528, 529...

They are started because later here...

Let's continue.

- Tony, play the movie. - Go ahead.

...and back...

Performance of acts of selferoticism...

- Huh? - Handjob, wank, jerking off, masturbation!

Many people practice it without even knowing the name...

There's a lot of ignorance around. It's crazy.

The scene, the scene.

Silence, please. Do you want me to go to jail? You're clandestine inside here. Quiet!

Someone starts to give permissions like in the nest of a cuckoo...

...and here's finally where we're gone.

Sodomy.

- What? - Sodomy.

Sodomy, sodomy, though it's little, it uses to slip on your ass like a bottle.

So they say...I'm sorry.

Stop.

I said stop.

- Rewind it. - Rewind it, Tony.

- I said rewind it. - Lawyer, it's me who can give orders around here.