The Grand Tour - Fifth Season

just off the coast of Poland.

The reason we're here is because we're about to embark on a road trip

that no one's ever thought of doing.

Yep, the reason we're doing a road trip no one has ever thought of doing before is...

in these times, it's very difficult to do a road trip

that someone has thought of doing before.

Yeah, if you think about all the places

we've been to in recent years,

places that were stable when we were there,

that aren't anymore.

Mozambique.

Syria. Iraq. Burma.

Ukraine. Russia.

We couldn't go back to any of them.

Or, for different reasons, Argentina.

No. Or Turkey.

- Why can't we go to Turkey? - We're banned.

- Are we? - Yes.

But it's not just the places where we've been before,

that there is a problem.

No, No, absolutely right.

For this show, we thought we'd drive across the Sahara.

We can't - too much terrorism.

Then we said: "Let's follow in the footsteps of Lawrence of Arabia

and go across the Sinai." We can't.

Too much terrorism.

We wanted to go from Bangladesh to Mount Everest.

Can't.

Why couldn't we do that?

- You have to go through India. - Is that a problem?

- I'm banned from India. - Yes, he is. He is.

And anyway, it's because of all of that,

that we find ourselves here, on a ferry, in the Baltic Sea.

Yes, because we are about to undertake

a 1,400-mile drive

from - We got the map here actually, I'll fish this one out -

from Gdańsk which is right up here on the Baltic, there,

and then we go all the way down here,

to Bled, in Slovenia.

Nobody's done that ever, Gdańsk to Bled.

Having decided to do a road trip nobody's ever done before,

Mr Wilman chimed in

and said: "OK, but you've got to do it in cars that nobody

has ever used to do a road trip before."

And on that front,

- I'm the winner. - You're so not.

I was first to disembark from the ferry.

In this.

A pickup truck.

With a folding roof.

Yeah, I know.

A convertible pick-up truck sounds like a bulletproof tea towel.

Why would you put those two things together?

But that's what this game is about.

Unique! Nobody's ever done this.

At this point,

Cruella de Vil arrived.

What...

This... is the most inappropriate road trip car ever made.

I give you the Mitsuoka Le-Seyde.

It's the most

- inappropriate thing ever made. - No, you say that,

it's a work of genius.

Because what Mr Mitsuoka did

was he took the engine

from a 1990s Nissan Silvia, an ordinary 2-Door Japanese saloon car

and the gearbox

and the interior and all the electrics,

kept them as they were

and then fitted this flamboyant body.

What Mr Mitsuoka did, was he took

acid and this resulted.

- Mate, for one thing... - Yeah?

- Wheels. - Ah, yes.

The ones at the back are hiding

and you're steering the car in front of you.

- Yes. - Look at it.

That is a mechanical change, I admit.

These wheels are 3 feet in front of where they should be.

There are other things. Look at the horns.

Check them out. Want to hear them?

- Do they work? - Oh, yes.

- I don't think I do. - Ready?

They look like something on top of a train in America.

- Ready? - Yes.

That's it?

How many of these has he made?

- Oh! Several hundred. - Too many.

I think he made about 500 of them.

This was supposed to look like a Mercedes SSK.

And yet it really doesn't.

- This looks more like a Mercedes SSK. - I disagree with you.

That ship looks more like a Mercedes SSK.

- This, look... There was a tremendous... - Wrong.

- Can we move on to your car. - Utter, Utter brilliance, this.

- An SSR, I know what it is. - Yes, it is.

I've never driven one, to be honest.

- I don't think anybody has. - No, No nobody did.

It was a convertible 2-seater pickup truck. Electric roof.

- The roof goes... - In there.

So it's not really a very good pickup truck.

It's not very good as a pickup truck, but it's very bad as a sportscar.

- Heavy? - Oh yes, about 2 tons.

- It's... - Yeah!

...absolutely hideous, isn't it?

No worries, I love it.

We then speculated

on what James might be using.

- He hates being called slow guy. - I know he does.

I think he's going to be in something a bit snappy.

Something like...

a Lamborghini LP550 Balboni special, 2-wheel drive,

but fully race prepped.

Exactly.

It then turned out

that we were absolutely wrong.

I have no clue what that is.

- How far away is he? - That's a good question.

What is it?

Genuinely, I don't know what that is.

I've no idea.

Have you just come from the circus?

What is it, James? It says Crosley on it. But.

Sorry, but it's a very precious car

and it's raining. I've got to put the roof up

but it goes up like an MX5, it takes a couple of seconds.

You can do it on the move.

It's a 1947 Crosley CC convertible.

Like me to tell you about the history of the car? It's fascinating.

I've a feeling you're going to.

In the 1930s, there was a man in America

- called Powel Crosley Junior. - Mm-hmm.

He made his fortune out of domestic appliances.

He was the first person to build a fridge with shelves in the door.

Something we all take for granted now. You see.

And he looked around and saw that everyone in America was driving

massive cars and he thought

it was ridiculous, so he decided to use some of his fortune

to make small cars. He famously said:

"If you're crossing a river, you don't need a battleship."

He decided he'd sell his cars in his shops

alongside his domestic appliances. And that's why

this car

is only 4 feet wide.

It has to go through the door of a shop.

Or... Good thinking on the part of Mr Crosley.

- He was a genius. - However,

I have produced

larger and more attractive bogeys than this.

What is the motor?

It's a 4-cylinder 724cc engine, developing...

twenty-six and a half horsepower.

- Hold on, how old's this? - 1947.

It's 70-something years old,

- we've got to assume, most of those, 12... - 14.

- 14. - Max.

By now, a lot of those horses will have died.

James, Did you hear the words

1,400-mile road trip?

Yeah.

You got, Possibly, If you're lucky, you've got 14hp.

What did you pay it?

There's a bit of a story about that, exactly.

It was on a well-known car auction website

and I looked at it. It finished that evening

and bidding was at 400 pounds, so I bid 450 pounds,

then I went off and got some wine,

and came back later and it went up a bit

- and it was... - What did you pay?

11,000 pounds.

11,000 pounds for that?

- I bought it when I was drunk. - If you went...

Ok, I'll grant you that.

- Fair point. - So, hold on,

I got my entire Mitsuoka Le-Seyde

for only 11,500.

That is a proper car.

Who pays 11,500 grand for an old Nissan

- in a bad frock? - How much was this?

Yes, absolutely. Exactly my point.

How much?

It was 18,500 pounds.

What?

I've always wanted one.

- It's a convertible pickup truck. - I know.

It's like a speed hump on a runway. It's completely useless.

- That's... - Come on, let's get going.

Ooh!

You don't suppose...

- I do suppose, yes. - Mr Wilman

- is being funny. - I've got to be honest,

that's more inappropriate than any of our cars.

That's designed to do a quarter of a mile.

That's a designer hot rod, isn't it?

- Look what it says. - Look.

That...

That is doom, isn't it? That is the end.

Would you want to drive a car that says "Titties 'n' beer"

- on the side? - I really wouldn't.

Now praying to God