Lucky

IN TRIBUTE TO MORRIS AND GOSCINNY

Help, help, somebody save me! I'm being chased by a mean sergeant!

I have cornered you now.

Let her go, you two timing snake!

Hang on, are those Queen Crow's voodoo dolls?

No, this is Charlie.

This is me. And this is that good-for-nothing sergeant!

Is there anything you won't steal?

Let him tell his story or we'll never know what happened.

Thank you. So, as I was saying...

Let her go, you two timing snake!

Or I'll have to pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow!

You should try to aim instead of talking so much.

Boom!

How wonderful!

What incredible dexterity, Joe Dalton.

Maybe, in fact, you're the man who really, truly shoots quicker than a shadow.

That's just my job, dollface. But you, how did you get here?

I dug my way out of the mine after I blew everything up. Kaboom!

That's the sound of the explosion. The blue coats also got out of there.

Tell me, why are they after you?

They want to stop me from accomplishing a mission of the utmost importance.

The fact of the matter is...

Something very bad has happened to Luke and Louise.

- You really made my horse Jolly talk? - Well, yeah, I'm simplifying

so that you understand, and stop interrupting me, pretty please?

Because something very big is about to happen like this!

My goodness! The sergeant's still alive.

Save yourself, Charlie! I got you covered.

Go accomplish the mission you didn't have time to explain to me,

and I... I'll find Louise, I promise you.

Really?

- Yes. - Truly?

- Yes. - For real?

- Yes. - Thank heavens. Then go.

Save her. You are her only hope.

You are my only hope You are our only hope.

You're the hope of all humanity.

On top of that, you're handsome. You're handsome as your mustache.

It's so gorgeous. Give me that mouth.

Yeah.

The facts, Joe. The facts.

This is authentically authentic, and I'm severely underselling it.

CHAPTER VI MARSHAL CITY

The trail stops here.

She might have stopped here for food and supplies.

"Marshal City, population 138, marshals 138."

Okay, so super sketchy town.

You mean a town that has rules, that has order and sensible people.

Hey, wait a minute. Come back here.

In the name of the law, you're under arrest!

For purchasing an item with inexact change.

I said you could keep the difference.

Yeah, sure. And then I'll end up in jail for fencing copper.

Hey, wait a minute! In the name of the law,

you're under arrest for walking over the speed limit.

Agreed, however, you're no longer in your jurisdiction.

- Right. - Oh, my God.

Overzealous practice of the law.

Let's drop the charges. On a legal technicality?

- Hmm. Okay. - Hmm.

But I don't have my keys.

- Do you have yours? - No, I don't.

DOGS ELEPHANTS NOT ALLOWED

THIS BUSINESS DOES NOT ACCEPT PESOS UNDER 100,000 PESOS

CELLS STRICTLY RESERVED FOR OUTLAWS

FITTING ROOMS STRICTLY RESERVED FOR CLOTHED PEOPLE

EVERY OFFENDER RISKS PUNISHMENT OF 2 MONTHS IMPRISONMENT

DO NOT FEEL DO NOT TASTE DO NOT SMELL

What the hell is this--

Stop! Don't move a muscle!

2:03 p.m. It's legally siesta time.

Law No. 367

THE SIESTA of your NEIGHBOR YOU SHALL RESPECT

- Mmm. - Mmm.

So that's why nobody's here.

Not a horse, not a hen. No men, no women.

With your nonstandard spurs, they would have got you

for daytime noise disturbance.

Up to three months of community service.

I've never heard of that law.

- I've never broken that law. - You guys need to keep up.

Everyone from the banker to the mailman has a colt and a star.

One hundred and thirty-eight marshals and jurisdictions,

each writing 138 laws a day.

Are these laws legal?

They're all certified. They all swore hand to padre's bible.

So, are you also a marshal, like an old lady marshal?

Oh, no, I'm a normal old lady from the town next door.

I came here to buy a few things for my grandson's birthday,

but I did something really awful.

I fondled the apples.

Fondling fruit is prohibited. Two months in jail.

Law 614 Forbidden fruit, YOU SHALL NOT TOUCH

- What? - And as soon as I got out,

I escalated.

I was coughing too loud,

laughing too quietly, yawning with my mouth open.

That's criminal recidivism.

Wait, how long have you been stuck here?

It'll soon be a whole year.

Tomorrow is my grandson's 11th birthday.

I hope this year I can bring him the apple pie I promised him

before I spiral again.

I'm a dangerous outlaw.

No, you're innocent. I'm not.

I'm the dangerous outlaw, they're the dangerous in-laws.

Yep.

Oh, shit!

IMMOBILIZED BEFORE IMPOUNDMENT

- Hey, that's Charlie's! - Yeah, it's her coat.

That horse, have you seen the woman that it belongs to?

I have, but I'm sorry to say she's with our lord now.

- Did they execute her? - What? Of course not.

She got a month of housekeeping for illegally parked horse.

She's sweeping the church.

Mama.

Louise!

Mama.

- Why slap me now? - Why slap me twice?

And why were you kidnapped?

You know exactly what it was for.

I hit you twice because you promised to protect my daughter

and instead brought her here

As for the kidnapping, let me explain.

I still don't get it.

This is Elizabeth Zee, the Governor of New Mexico.

Rich, powerful, and dangerous.

I've seen her before. She gives money to your school, no?

That's right. She's the perfect governor on the surface.

Her charity is a cover because her donations are bribes.

She corrupted everyone. Soldiers, politicians, outlaws.

Zee is a spider who weaves her web. Who devours those who cross her paths.

An anti-corruption mayor, a progressive priest,

a journalist with too many questions. They've all disappeared.

And the CTLD thingy?

That's the code Louise found in your bag.

The CLDTLMQPC.

Checklist of dirty, terrible lowlife meanies

and questionable people in the conspiracy.

I mean, these people are super bright.

- So, what's the conspiracy about? - I haven't managed to figure that out yet.

But with a governor like this as its leader...

- New Mexico's in danger. - My thoughts exactly.

One thing I know for sure

is that step one of her plan starts tomorrow at the Herrero Ranch.

A hacienda less than two miles from here.

So, that's where I'm going to stop her.

Who are you?

So, you're not a teacher.

Yes, I am. But only part time.

So, what's the other work that you do? Are you a vigilante?

Oh, no. You mean like, uh, him over there with his guns?

No, I investigate, I track, I expose. I just raise awareness.

Yeah, so a vigilante.

I've caught a few bad guys, you know?

But see, I was surprised how big it was.

At first, I was investigating the theft of funds by an oil businessmen.

- But when I traced back the money-- - When did you have time to do this?

My Spanish classes, and piano.

You made me take them at night. Was that the reason?

Um, but also for you to learn how to play the piano and speak Spanish.

- Did Toukom know this? - He did.

- He knew it was risky. - What about me?

You forgot to tell me you.

You stuck a bunch of books in my hands and locked me in.

You told me to be afraid of the world while you were off playing detective.

- I would've wanted to go too-- - Hey, I know that!

Why do you think I did what I did? As a baby, you escaped your playpen.

- It's in your nature. - And who did I get that from?

From you, or someone else?

I wanted to protect you.

No, you wanted to protect yourself!

See how hotheaded you are?

I get that you want to be dramatic, but that's a confessional.

A man's hat on a woman is a sin.

Is that written in the Bible?

Well, it's not very becoming.

And I think God agrees with me.

He doesn't have to worry, it's a woman's hat.

Not just any woman.

Although she's nothing special.

Calamity Jane.

The Sioux feather from the attack on Black Hills.

The bear claw mark on the trim.

And there's even the bullet hole made by Jack McCall.

You're not lying.

Okay, so religion and hats are your thing.

So, we need to find a way to stop Zee.

What do you mean "we"?

Well, you can't dismantle this all by yourself.

Well, actually, that's what I'm doing. And I'm not counting on anybody,

given the number of dishonest people.

Uh, something I'm not.

My bad. Dishonest or cowardly.

Okay, can we talk about the company you keep?

Hey, watch it!

Right now, our priority is to get out of here.

In the last 12 hours, I tried to leave three times.

Each time I almost went to jail.