He Said, She Said

Here you go, sir.

You're looking great today, Mr Hanson.

All right, people, twenty seconds to air.

Fifteen seconds. Where's Lorie?

Five, four, three, two...

Perkell Heating and Cooling brings you He Said, She Said.

Your commentators, Lorraine Bryer and Dan Hanson.

The issue today, Proposition 41, the highway merger.

Good afternoon, Dan.

Proposition 41, on the ballot in October,

would provide for a new connecting spur to merge Highways 710 and 88.

In my view, this merger is long overdue.

It would improve access and boost growth, especially in outlying areas.

I know what you'll say, Dan: Proposition 41 can wait, there's no need for it now.

But in two or three years it will be too late.

We must go forward or we stop. Now is the time.

That's the way I see it.

Lorie, you're over-intellectualising again.

Common sense says we don't need a merger. These roads are working well.

It would just add to spending, traffic and congestion in an already crowded area.

And the outlying areas that you speak of

have reached a plateau where further growth is not expected.

There's nothing wrong with the status quo.

As my Uncle Olaf used to say, "Why fix it, if it ain't broken?"

And that's the way I see it... Ow!

Christ!

Commentators' opinions are not necessarily those of station WBAL.

Excuse me, please. This is it. She's gone too far this time.

- What did you do to her? - What did I do? She went nuts on air!

You must have done something.

You shouldn't make a rebuttal with a blunt object.

Here, you do this, it's too disgusting.

I hope Weller wasn't watching.

It's all right, he's going to be fine. Get back to work. Please.

Emily, find some aspirin.

Look at all those calls, Mr Thurman. Hundreds of them.

Vultures. Can't wait to see what happens tomorrow.

Yeah, neither can I.

Wait a minute. They all can't wait till tomorrow.

This could be the best thing ever.

- If we promote this right. - I just spoke to Weller's secretary!

You did?

This could be good. He loves this kind of stuff. What did she say?

- She said he would call. - Did you hear that? She said...

Wait a minute. Weller is going to be calling me? On my phone, personally?

This could be bad, very bad.

He only calls personally if he wants to hurt you. We're screwed.

Wally, sit down, relax. You don't know what he's thinking.

- It may not be that bad. - Not that bad?

Will he still want you after today?

Lorie blew the deal.

Look, I'll find Lorie, I'll talk to her.

What do we say? He's spending a fortune, and you break up on air.

We're not breaking up. This is how me and Lorie are.

We always have been.

Hi, this is Lorie Bryer, I'm with the people section of The Sun.

Yeah.

Hanson. Yes, hello. Thanks for calling me back.

I'm doing the obituary on Professor Hollis.

I was wondering, what time is the wedding...funeral?

Thank you. Does the family have any special requests?

In lieu of flowers. Great. Thanks very much. Bye.

Puce. This is definitely Pulitzer Prize material.

This will turn journalism on its ear.

No small jobs here, Miss Bryer. A newspaper is a daily miracle.

And we're all part of it.

Diana.

You look incredible. It's your hair, you found your cut, right?

Are we still on for Friday?

It's my sister's birthday. Make it Saturday?

Sure, absolutely. No problem. My entire schedule is at your disposal.

Sheila, Sheila.

Can we change Saturday to Friday?

- It's my sister's birthday. - Sure, Dan, I can do that.

Thank you. Thank you.

- You're an angel. - Thanks.

Dan.

- Dan. - Shit.

Dan?

Lousy, self-centred, three-timing jerk.

Scumbag. Oh, God, I fell for it.

Now I find out he's got a girlfriend.

- You all right? - Take my advice, stay away from him.

Never go out with him.

There's no chance of that. I don't go out with cowardly scumbags.

What does everybody see in him? He's not that good-looking.

He thinks he's charming with all this boyish stuff.

And I can't imagine the sex would be any good.

Well...

How many Es in "sleazeball"?

A note is good, but make a much more dramatic point!

- You ought to break something. - Great idea.

One of his models.

No, the Wolfman. That's his favourite, I think.

Oh, no. I couldn't do that.

Have you heard him talk about the Wolfman? It brought tears to my eyes.

Look, just do me a favour, OK?

Next time you see him, you kick his butt for me.

- You got it. - OK.

You... Don't say a word.

- You told her to trash Wolfman. - You deserve it, lying to that poor girl.

Am I responsible for the personality disorders of every girl I go out with?

I told Janet I see other women, I don't lie.

You help old ladies cross the street, too?

I happen to have seventeen merit badges.

And by the way, sex with me is very good.

I'm sure.

Why, have you heard something? What have you heard?

Nothing, nothing.

There've been a lot of rumours since Monroe announced his retirement.

So I've decided to give young Mr Hanson here a crack at his column.

Congratulations.

Christ, Ed! I wish you hadn't done that.

Dan...and Miss Bryer, in my office after this meeting.

Technically, the op-ed page is Ed's territory.

But I wish he'd told me he'd promised the column to you.

We've decided, in a most Solomon-like fashion, to give you both a shot.

You know the public sculpture story? Good!

Don't imitate Monroe. Use your own style and opinions.

1,500 words on my desk by five o'clock for publication tomorrow.

May the best man win... or the best woman.

- This really sucks. - Tell me about it.

Don't tell me you're done already. Do you think at all, or do you just type?

I don't need to think. Common sense tells me what to say.

Common sense, huh?

Tell you what: I'll wait so we can hand them in together, to give you a fair shot.

So my years at journalism school were a waste of time?

- I'm not a journalist. - I wouldn't brag about it.

- I'm a newspaper man. - Pithy. Dumb, but pithy.

- Listen... - Listen...

Go ahead.

After tomorrow, one of us will never speak to the other again, so I...

How about dinner?

Here you are.

And you, sir.

- To my new column. - The paper isn't out yet.

- Why not take the rest? - I just wanted a taste.

- Dan. - Susan.

Hi.

You look fantastic. Your hair's great. That's you, that's your cut.

Thank you. And for the flowers. You remembered I like 'mums.

You got them, I'm glad. Susan, this is Lorie.

She's...got the cubicle across from me.

I didn't mean to interrupt. Maybe we could get together next week.

Great, call me. But don't change your hair, or the deal is off.

- I won't. Bye-bye. - See you.

- Don't say a word. - I do not believe you, it's amazing.

It's like watching some creeping fungus at work.

Believe it or not, some people enjoy my company.

All I'm saying is, from what I've observed of you and your women,

the level of hurt, outrage and distress you inspire can only be termed massive.

- Does she look hurt to you? - No. In fact, she looked very happy.

But, you know, ignorance is bliss.

I just don't understand women like that. Maybe I'm too cerebral.

- That means brainy. - I know.

You've something on your face, a crumb or dirt or something.

What are you...? Stop.

- So, public sculpture, for or against? - What do you think?

- I was against. - That doesn't surprise me!

They'll print yours anyway. It's a men's club.

- Come on. - Know where I'd like to work?

The New York Times.

At least I could influence people there, even change the way they think.

That's why I want this column.

I don't want to be stuck reporting weddings forever.

Really? I thought all women loved weddings.

You think you can get to me, don't you?

All right, if we're talking in stereotypes,

all women want to get married, and all men fear commitment.

You don't understand. It's not fear.

We don't have a choice, we can't commit.

It's deep inside, an animal instinct that keeps us separate from the pack.

- Right, like your friend the Wolfman. - Exactly.

Perfect example: Wolfman's a source of strength for us guys.

He's strong, aloof, destined to live alone.

He's his own man, his own wolf. He's his own Wolfman.

He knows he can't get close to anyone, because when the moon is full...

Bingo! Somebody is gonna get hurt.

So he takes his intimacy where he can, a night here, a night there...

Other women fall for this shit, huh?

It's not shit. I deeply believe in this.

Sounds like an excuse to me.

Sooner or later, even the Wolfman has to choose.

- Ready to order, Miss? - Oh, yes.

I will start with...

...monogamy, then commitment...

...and then I will have the marriage.

The marriage comes with commitment.

Unless you'd like something on the side.

Oh, no, not me. But maybe children later.

Good choice, ma'am.

- The monogamy is good here. - And you, sir?

Just a side order of sex, please.

Sorry, sir, it only comes with commitment.

I'll make it easy for you. I'll take the complete dinner.

Hold the commitment and monogamy, bring me the sex, and we're all happy.

- You don't want monogamy? - Can't you read the sign?

Do you need more time to decide?

I hear the ravioli here is great.

Yeah, sure. Ravioli sounds fine.