Revenge

When I was a little girl, my understanding of revenge

was as simple as the Sunday school proverbs it hid behind.

Neat little morality slogans like "do unto others, "

and "two wrongs don't make a right. "

But two wrongs can never make a right...

...because two wrongs can never equal each other.

Well, I think they look very happy.

For the truly wronged, real satisfaction can only be found

in one of two places...

...absolute forgiveness or mortal vindication.

This is not a story about forgiveness.

Emily!

I've been looking for you. Where's Daniel?

Uh, he's walking the beach. We're having a thing.

- Same thing or different thing? - Same thing.

- But don't worry, he's right behind me. - It's my job to worry.

Your job is to enjoy yourself. It's your engagement party.

Can someone get me a 20 on Daniel Grayson?

- Hey, congrats, Emily. - Thank you.

- Nice night for it. - Nice night for what, Nolan?

Celebrating.

You shouldn't be here.

That makes two of us.

Emily, where have you been hiding?

- Come on, let's see that ring, girl. - Hi. How are you?

I feel like a jackass in this tux.

Well, stop acting like one and you'll stop feeling like one.

Trust me, if your friends could see you now...

I'd probably get jumped.

Hey, you really want out of that tux?

Come on! We'll run away together.

- Come on! - I ate too much food.

Come on!

Maybe not.

Where are we going?

You ask too many questions.

Show me what you got, bad boy!

- Here, let me help you. - I got it, I got it.

There we go.

Fire and Ice.

When we first sat down to discuss tonight's occasion,

I was immediately taken with the idea of an evening

inspired by primal bookends:

Fire and ice. Beginnings and endings...

...and the love between a man and a woman.

Yo... Yo, 8 Mile, private party here!

...and starry evening...

That creep better not be taking pictures!

Hey!

You got a problem?

Tonight not only marks the final weekend of a remarkable summer in the Hamptons,

it is also the celebration of my son Daniel's engagement

to the lovely and beguiling Miss Emily Thorne.

Emily!

And though we've only known her for a few short months,

Emily already feels like the piece of the family puzzle

- we never even knew was missing. - Aw...

In a word, I approve.

And, as anyone can tell you, approval is not something I give away freely.

Where the hell is my son?

Charlotte?

Oh, my God.

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

My brother! Somebody come here!

Come here!

Daniel?

Daniel?!

Daniel? Get away from my son!

Daniel!

Daniel, please! No!

Daniel!

I can't tell you what a rare opportunity you have here, Miss Thorne.

The current owners live in the city, of course,

but they've been loyal Hamptonites for years.

Perhaps if Mr. Davis had been a bit more loyal to his wife,

they wouldn't be renting out this season.

Word has it he dumped her for a girl half his age.

Men...

- Mind if I look around a bit? - That's what we're here for.

Dad?

Hey, kiddo. You having fun exploring?

We really get to spend the whole summer here?

And every summer after that. What do you think?

I think mom would've loved it.

Hey.

You know how much I love you, Amanda?

- Infinity? - Well, infinity...

...times infinity.

Miss Thorne?

Now you have to imagine it's Memorial Day weekend, 75 and sunny,

all those boys of summer wondering who the new girl is...

And that's Grayson manor. You won't find a better address than this.

- I'll take it. - Oh.

Wonderful. I'll get the contract.

Hello, hello?

- Ashley! Hey! - Hey!

What do you think?

Are you kidding? Look at this place. I want your life.

- You love your life. - Yeah, you're right.

- I just want your money. - What's mine is yours.

- Should I get us some glasses? - I wish. It's for Victoria Grayson.

- Who? - You are hopeless.

Victoria Grayson? Reigning queen of the Hamptons?

Not to mention your new next door neighbor.

- Queen Victoria... - Believe me, she's earned the title.

My boss has me handling the guest list for her Memorial Day party.

If I screw this up, I might as well move back to Croydon.

- Well, how much are tickets? - Ten thousand a pop.

- Count me in for one. - Are you sure?

- It's for a good cause, right? - Yeah, my career. Thank you.

You wanna get drunk on cheap margaritas later?

- With or without you. - Good luck with Her Highness.

Bye!

Let's dump our long position on five and ten year treasuries

before the Fed stops buying them up.

And get us into some of those low-rated tech bonds. Thanks.

Looks like Lydia and Michael's new renter is settling in.

- Lucky girl, scoring that property. - Pretty one, too, even from up here.

- I guess that makes her doubly lucky. - I don't believe in luck.

I thought we were taking the weekend off.

There. I'm off.

Hey.

- Ew! Get a room, you guys. - I'm sorry, Charlie.

I didn't see you sneaking in.

Didn't see you sneaking out last night, either, Charlotte.

I went over to Tracey's. I told you I was going before you went to bed.

- No, you didn't. - Mom, you're too young and too pretty

- to be this senile. - Hm.

Remind me to buy her a cat bell.

Let her have a little fun. She got straight A's this year.

No one's accusing her of being stupid.

Don't think I didn't see you eyeballing that case of beer.

Our dad owns a bar, dumb ass. I can get as much beer as I want.

All right. Well, in that case, I'll just have to make sure

Dad double-checks the inventory while I'm gone.

Yeah, why don't you tell me another hundred times, huh?

Did you already wash those garbage bins out back?

Beats loading this future shipwreck.

Ahoy, Cap'n Porter.

Welcome back, Nolan. What can I do for you?

Need a boat for the summer. This one will do.

It's not for rent.

Who said anything about renting?

How much you want for... Amanda?

It's not for sale, either.

I'm taking it down to Haiti next week.

Thought you hated the ocean.

I spent a lot of time and money working through that, amongst other things.

So... I'm buying a boat.

Right.

Just not this one.

- Amanda must be some special girl. - Can I help you with something?

You don't like me much, do you?

One more thing for you to work through, I guess.

The response to your "In With the New" Memorial Day party's been overwhelming,

Mrs. Grayson. The party is at 90 percent capacity

and the "regrets" website's already collected nearly $50,000 for everything

from domestic violence prevention to cancer awareness.

Some of these regrets wouldn't wipe their noses with $50,000, dear.

If we're going to set a more generous tone for the summer,

it's clear I'm going to have to do something fresh and provocative.

So, I've decided to auction off a piece from my personal art collection.

What a wild idea, Victoria.

Well, I don't care how good the cause is.

If you put up the Van Gogh that Michael and I gave you, I'll kill myself.

The Van Gogh is off limits, for sentimental reasons.

- Please. - OK.

Ashley, would you please add the new announcement to the website,

see if we can't drum up some more business? And, ladies, thanks again.

Lydia, we were all so sorry to hear about you and Michael this winter.

You were one of those couples everyone roots for.

I have no doubt.

How are you holding up?

Michael's threatening to put the beach house on the market

if I don't release my claim on the West Side walk up.

It's bad enough having some stranger renting it out...

I can't bear the thought of losing it to one of the she-wolves.

Well then don't let them see your weakness.

It's the first thing they'll use against you.

- All right? - Hm.

Thank you.

- Hey, you wanna know a trick? - Yeah!

You plant your feet in the sand and you stand still

- through the whole first wave. - OK.

And the next wave's gonna feel warmer,

and then the one after that's gonna feel warmer still.

Finally, you're barely gonna notice the cold at all.

- Are you ready? - Yeah!

- Here it comes! - OK.

You must come from a family of polar bears.

That water is ice cold.

Only at first. After a while, you can't feel anything.

Sounds like my marriage.

- You must be the new renter. - Emily Thorne.

- Word gets around fast. - Like lightning.

I'm Lydia Davis. My husband and I own the house you're staying in.

Oh!

Oh, wow. So nice to meet you. I can't tell you how much I love it.