South Park

You guys!

Oh my God, you guys!

You're never gonna guess what!

Seriously you guys, guess what?!

What?

You guys, you know Pete Melman?

Fourth grade. Mr. Bard's class.

The blonde kid?

Yeah, yeah, Pete Melman.

What about him?

He crapped his pants today during social studies!

He had to go to the nurse's office

and have his mom bring him a fresh pair of jeans!

How do you know?

Yeah dude. It's all over Eavesdropper!

Eavesdropper?

What's that?

You guys don't follow Eavesdropper?!

It's a website about all the students in the school!

Hey! Did you guys see eavesdropper?!

Pete Melman shit his pants!

Yeah, yeah I'm showing the guys!

Check it out!

Eavesdropper got a hold of the phone call from the nurse to Pete Melman's mom!

Just listen! Listen! Listen!

Hello, Mrs. Melman, this is the school nurse,

I'm afraid your son has had a little accident.

Oh, no, what is it?

Is he okay?

No, no, it's not serious but he went number two during class.

I'm afraid he's going to need a new pair of pants and underwear.

And a clean pair of socks.

Hey did you guys see Eavesdropper?!

Yeah yeah we're listening to it!

Dude, that's so wrong.

Pete Melman pooped his pants and had to have his mom bring him new undies!

Okay, okay, what do we call Pete Melman when we see him?

I was thinking Poopy Pants Pete, but then I also thought of Mush Pants Melman!

Attention South Park students.

Will the following students report to the principal's office immediately.

Eric Cartman.

Thank you.

Oh, Jesus, what now?

Eric, as you might have heard, a student here at South Park Elementary,

had an accident in the classroom.

I know dude, Pete Melman crapped his pants!

So freakin' funny!!

Okay, but you probably understand that for Pete it isn't that funny.

For him it's embarrassing and terrifying.

Right that's why it's super funny to me.

Eric, it has been almost one year since Corey Duran defecated

in his pants here at school.

Now, you remember what happened to him.

Yeah, he killed himself.

Yes, and the reason he killed himself, Eric,

was that the ridicule and the torment from

other students spearheaded by you caused him

spearheaded by you, mkay?

Made him feel there was no other way out.

We've been through this.

You cannot put Corey Duran's death on me.

I'm not the one who crapped his pants in front of everyone!

Eric, we are asking you to please just remember

what happened to Corey and not let it happen to Pete.

Please, just let it go.

You are asking me to simply ignore a kid who...

excuse my language but I have to be harsh here...

a kid who shit in his pants in front of everyone,

to just ignore that so he can have a normal life?

We are hoping that if you don't fan the flames,

Eric, the other students might forget about it.

You really think information like this will just die down?

There's Internet, there's Eavesdropper.

You might be worried Pete Melman is gonna kill himself.

But the truth is he was dead the second he crapped his pants.

Alright, Eric. Here's the deal.

This school cannot have another suicide on its hands.

We want you to see Pete Melman through this,

and turn public opinion around.

You're crazy. It can't be done.

If Pete Melman does not kill himself

we will make it very worth your while.

You aren't listening, There... Make it worth my while? How?

Dude, no way!

What's up?

They've got a video of Pete Melman's mom showing up with

fresh underwear on Eavesdropper!

Dude, that's fucked up.

Come on dude, it's pretty funny.

It's funny that something which should be completely

private is put up on a website for everyone to see?

Yeah dude, that's pretty funny.

It's megaduper-hilarious!

Oh, hey, Jenny. 'Sup?

What do you want?

You hear about Pete Melman?

Pretty messed up, huh?

Yeah, it's gross.

So what'ch you doing for lunch?

My mom packed me the best stuff!

- She even baked cupcakes! - So what?

I was just thinking that... Maybe we could eat lunch together.

I've always kind of...

liked you.

I don't like you.

I know.

I know you don't like me back.

I just... yeah, you know, this was stupid.

I'm sorry. Will you just take the cupcake?

Or don't take the cupcake. I'm sorry I wasted your time.

Hey wait!

Look, I'm sorry. That was mean.

I'd love to try one of your mom's cupcakes.

Now number seventeen, many of you got wrong, as well.

The correct answer was D.

You all right, Jenny?

Yeah, I'm fine I just...

Mr. Garrison, can I please be excused?

Excused? Oh, but we are in the middle of class.

What's the matter?

I just need to go to the restroom.

Well, okay.

Ahp, Mr. Garrison I don't think that's quite fair, I mean,

you rarely let us get up and leave during a class.

Please, I gotta go now.

Well, just give it a couple minutes Jenny, it could just be a cramp.

No, Mr. Garrison I gotta...

Oh my God!

Jenny Simon crapped her pants!

Did you guys hear that?!

Oh my God it's way worse than Pete Melman was! Way worse!

Gross!

The doctors say that Jenny Simon barely survived the fall.

Jumping off the school roof fractured her pelvis.

Alright. Cool.

No, not cool!

Okay, she is on suicide watch, Eric!

She's given up on life.

You said Pete Melman couldn't kill himself.

By making Jenny Simon crap her pants worse than Pete

I've made her the number one story on Eavesdropper!

That wasn't the point, Eric!

Nobody was supposed to kill themselves!

Unless you fix this our deal is off!

Nobody can be made fun of for crapping their pants and nobody can die?!

Yes!

Jesus Christ.

Okay, okay, umm, Jesus, uh...

Okay, look.

Ok, those tests we all took last week the state efficiency tests

how did we all do on those?

Uh... our students did average, maybe just below average.

Okay, no, they all did awesome.

In fact, our students did so good on the tests that you've...

you've decided to reward them all.

At lunch you're serving the students pizza from Pizza Hut.

But we're going to put laxatives and Arby's Horsey sauce in the

pizza so that every kid in school craps their pants after recess.

Everyone craps their pants, nobody's singled out, problem solved.

That's insane!

Okay, well if you have a better idea then why am I here?

Hi, jan, it's Counselor Mackey.

How long would it take to organize a Pizza Friday for the students?

Yeah... yeah, no they, uh, the actually did really well on those state tests.

Dude, check it out!

Eavesdropper found an email from Jenny Simon's boyfriend calling

her soft Serve Simons!

That's not funny.

Hey, here's a post about Token!

Token Black's private gym photos!

I'm not looking at that.

Come on dude, it's pretty funny.

It wouldn't be funny if that website posted something about you.

I wouldn't care.

Exclusive.

Stan Marsh thinks Elise Thompson has a hot butt crack.

What?

In an email sent yesterday to Kenny McKormick,

Stan Marsh wrote: "Dude you should have been in PE today,

Elise Thompson's butt crack was totally showing."

He went on to call her butt crack quote "nice"

and that the whole experience was quote "pretty awesome".

Kenny!

- Kenny, what the fuck? - What?

How did Eavesdropper get a hold of my email to you?!

I don't know.

Do you just leave your emails open for everyone to read?!

No.

That was a private email from me to you!

Hey, Wendy.

You like looking at girl's butt cracks, Stan?

No, I was telling Kenny he would like it.

Do you have any idea how embarrassed I am?

Wendy, it was just a quick email to Kenny,

new stories pop up on Eavesdropper every hour!

People are gonna forget all about this!

So you didn't email anybody else about Elise Thompson's butt crack, right?

This is an issue of trust and privacy!

We have to all work together to put an end to Eavesdropper once and for all.

Yes! Kyle!