1000 Ways to Die

THE HUMAN BODY IS REMARKABLY RESILIENT.

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EVERYDAY WE FIGHT A NEW WAR AGAINST GERMS,

TOXINS, INJURY,

ILLNESS, CATASTROPHE, AND CALAMITY.

THE FACT THAT WE SURVIVE AT ALL IS A MIRACLE...

BECAUSE EVERY DAY WE LIVE...

WE FACE 1,000 WAYS TO DIE.

SO YOUR PARENTS KNOW WE'RE COMING TONIGHT, RIGHT?

ON A BEAUTIFUL SPRING MORNING,

JEFF STEWART AND JESSICA BARON

WERE MAKING THEIR WAY TO LAS VEGAS

TIE THE KNOT.

WHAT IF YOUR MOM DOESN'T LIKE ME?

OH, WAIT, TWO SUGARS AND TWO CREAMS, ALL RIGHT?

YEAH. THANKS.

BUT AS THEY CLOWNED AROUND AT A REST STOP,

THEY HAD NO IDEA THEIR DAY

WAS ABOUT TO COME UNDONE.

GET THAT OUT OF MY FACE.

STOP!

PLEASE? PLEASE, COME ON.

LET'S JUST GET IN THE CAR AND GO.

WE'RE SO CLOSE.

WHILE MUGGING FOR THEIR VIDEO CAMERA,

THE YOUNG COUPLE HEARD A TERRIBLE SCREAMING.

AAH!

JUST TAKE IT EASY, MAN!

IT WAS COMING FROM BEHIND THE SEMI TRUCK

THAT HAD JUST PULLED TO A STOP.

OH, MY GOD!

WHAT THEY SAW WAS SOMETHING

THAT WILL HAUNT THEM

A MAN, TORN IN TWO, CLINGING TO LIFE.

AAH!

FRANK SORIANI HAD BEEN UNDER HIS PICKUP TRUCK

FIXING A BROKEN MUFFLER.

THE DRIVER OF THE SEMI DIDN'T SEE FRANK

LYING ON THE GROUND BELOW AND RAN HIM OVER,

SEVERING HIS LOWER BODY FROM HIS UPPER TORSO.

REMARKABLY, THE POOR MAN WAS STILL ALIVE.

IN BODIES THAT ARE SEVERED IN HALF

OR BLOWN IN HALF--

YOU SEE THAT A LOT WITH WAR VICTIMS.

YOU SEE IT WITH PEOPLE WHO GET RUN OVER BY A TRAIN

AND IT CUTS THEM IN HALF.

AS LONG AS YOU HAVE A COMPLETE CIRCULATION OF BLOOD

IN YOUR BODY, YOU SHOULD SURVIVE IT.

IF YOU CUT OFF YOUR LEGS,

THE CIRCULATION CAN STILL TRAVEL DOWN THE AORTA

AND GO BACK UP TO THE HEART.

IT CAN BYPASS THE LEGS WITH NO PROBLEM.

AH! AH!

WITH FRANK STILL KICKING, MORE OR LESS,

PARAMEDICS ARRIVE TO TRANSPORT

BOTH HALVES OF HIS BODY

TO A LOCAL TRAUMA CENTER.

IN A TWIST OF FATE,

EMT CREWS LOST AN HOUR

BECAUSE EACH HALF WAS SENT TO A DIFFERENT HOSPITAL.

DOCTORS SPENT SEVERAL HOURS

TRYING TO SAVE SORIANI'S LIFE,

BUT HE FINALLY EXPIRED

AN INCREDIBLE 3 1/2 HOURS AFTER THE ACCIDENT OCCURRED.

ON SEPTEMBER 10TH, 1945,

LLOYD OLSON CHOPPED OFF THE HEAD OF A CHICKEN

FOR THAT NIGHT'S DINNER.

TO HIS SURPRISE,

THE CHICKEN REMAINED ALIVE FOR 18 MORE MONTHS.

LLOYD HAD CUT OFF THE HEAD

BUT MUCH OF THE BRAIN STEM REMAINED INTACT.

MIKE THE HEADLESS CHICKEN

WAS FED GRAIN AND WATER THROUGH AN EYE DROPPER.

THIS HOLE, BOSS, RIGHT?

THIS IS THE ONE.

MILOS DUDEK, A CZECHOSLOVAKIAN IMMIGRANT

FELT LIKE A VERY LUCKY MAN.

HOW DEEP YOU WANT?

YOU WANT DEEPER?

BRAND NEW TO THIS COUNTRY

WITH A WIFE AND BABY TO SUPPORT,

HIS CONSTRUCTION JOB WAS HIS LIFELINE.

MILOS WAS A MODEL EMPLOYEE,

IF THERE EVER WAS ONE.

TIM MCNAMARA, ON THE OTHER HAND,

WAS A MODEL FOR DISASTER.

MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, HE WOULD SHOW UP

NURSING A MAJOR HANGOVER.

TODAY, HE TOOK THE WHEEL OF HIS DUMP TRUCK

FLAT-OUT DRUNK.

SOMETIMES BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.

AS TIM BACKED UP HIS TRUCK

FILLED WITH THREE TONS OF SAND,

MILOS HAD NO IDEA THE CRUSHING BLOW

FATE WAS ABOUT TO DEAL HIM.

WITHIN SECONDS, MILOS DISAPPEARED

UNDER THREE TONS OF SAND.

HIS COWORKERS RUSH TO HIS RESCUE

AND QUICKLY UNCOVERED HIS HEAD,

ALLOWING HIM TO BREATHE.

THEY THOUGHT THEY HAD SAVED HIM.

JIMMY, SAY SOMETHING!

IF YOU'VE GOT ALL THIS WEIGHT CRUSHING IN ON YOU

AROUND YOUR CHEST CAVITY,

THERE'S NO WAY THAT YOUR CHEST CAN EXPAND

BECAUSE THE WEIGHT OF THE SAND

WOULD PUSH YOUR CHEST CAGE IN.

AS YOU LET AIR OUT,

THE INCREASE THE PRESSURE

SO YOU CAN'T OPEN YOUR LUNGS.

HE WOULD GET CLOSER AND CLOSER TO DEATH

WITH EVERY BREATH.

THE ONLY WAY THEY COULD'VE SAVED HIM

WOULD'VE BEEN TO HAVE REALLY DUG FAST

AND GOTTEN THE SAND AWAY FROM HIS CHEST CAGE.

UNABLE TO TAKE A BREATH,

MILOS WAS DYING OF SOMETHING CALLED

CRUSH ASPHYXIA,

A MEDICAL TERM TO DESCRIBE

THE CONSTRICTION OF THE LUNGS

BY COMPRESSING THE TORSO.

UNFORTUNATELY THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN VERY QUICKLY.

HE WOULD BE AWARE OF WHAT'S GOING ON

FOR PROBABLY A FEW MINUTES.

ACTUALLY IT WOULD BE A PRETTY HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE.

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU MIX

A COUPLE OF GOOD OL' BOYS,

TOO MANY BEERS, AND A SMALL ARSENAL OF FIREARMS?

YOUR BASIC HILLBILLY HOLIDAY.

BUT THESE GUYS GOT MORE THAN THEY BARGAINED FOR.

IN A WORLD WHERE THERE'S 1,000 WAYS TO DIE,

THIS ONE STRIKES YOU WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.

BOBBY JOE AND DARRYL WERE TWO BROTHERS

LOOKING TO BLOW OFF SOME STEAM.

WHAT BETTER WAY THAN TO JUMP INTO YOUR PICKUP TRUCK,

GO OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE,

AND SHOOT OF SOME GUNS.

OTHER THAN THE BRAIN-CRIPPLING HANGOVER THEY WERE FACING

NOBODY GETS HURT AND THEY GET A DAYS' WORTH OF LAUGHS.

THINGS WERE GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN

UNTIL DARRYL DECIDED TO SCARE THE PANTS

OFF HIS LITTLE BROTHER.

JESUS!

BOBBY JOE HIT THE GROUND

AND WAS DEAD WITHIN MINUTES...

BUT NOT FROM A GUNSHOT WOUND.

BOBBY HAD THE BAD LUCK

TO FALL ON TOP OF A RATTLESNAKE,

WHO DUG HIS FANGS INTO BOBBY'S CHEST

AND RELEASED HIS VENOM JUST ABOVE HIS HEART.

MY NAME IS JULES SYLVESTER

AND THIS IS ENOUGH RATTLESNAKE VENOM

TO KILL OVER A DOZEN PEOPLE.

95% OF THE PEOPLE GETTING BITTEN BY SNAKES,

THEY'RE UNDER 27 YEARS OLD,

THEY'RE WITH THEIR BUDDIES,

THEY'VE HAD A COUPLE OF BEERS,

AND THEY THINK THEY'RE HOT STUFF.

AND THE SNAKE SAYS, "NO, YOU'RE NOT.

I'LL KILL YOU."

READY? SAY "AH."

UGH.

JESUS CHRIST.

VERY PISSED OFF.

SEE THE DROPS THERE?

TEN DROPS CAME OUT OF ONE FANG ALONE.

ALL IT TAKES IS ONE DROP TO KNOCK YOU ON YOUR BUTT.

THE FANGS ARE HOLLOW

JUST LIKE A HYPODERMIC.

AND IT'S A PERFECT DESIGN.

THEY'LL GO IN, STAB, SQUIRT,

AND PULL OUT IN A FRACTION OF A SECOND.

THEY'RE VERY, VERY FAST.

RATTLESNAKE VENOM CAN CAUSE MAJOR DAMAGE

THROUGHOUT THE BODY,

DESTROYING TISSUE AND ORGANS

AND DISRUPTS BLOOD CLOTTING.

SEVERE ENVENOMATION COMBINED

WITH DELAYED OR INEFFECTIVE TREATMENT

CAN LEAD TO THE LOSS OF A LIMB

AND ULTIMATELY DEATH.

SO IF YOU'RE A DRUNKEN REDNECK

AND YOU SPENT THE WHOLE DAY OUT IN THE HOT SUN

DRINKING, LIKE, 12 BEERS AND SHOOTING OFF GUNS

AND YOU FALL ON A SNAKE

AND YOU BASICALLY JUST GOT BIT,

WHAT DO YOU THINK'S GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND?

OUR FATHER WHICH ART IN HEAVEN,

HALLOWED BE THY NAME--

THAT'S ABOUT IT.

NOT GONNA MAKE IT, MATE.

TECHNICALLY, RATTLESNAKES ARE NOT POISONOUS;

THEY ARE VENOMOUS,

DELIVERING THEIR TOXIN DIRECTLY INTO THE BLOODSTREAM.

A POISON IS INGESTED.

YOU COULD ACTUALLY DRINK A VIAL OF RATTLESNAKE VENOM

AND FEEL NO ILL EFFECTS.

THE GIRL IN RED IS LAURIE PATHAUSEN.

AFTER A STRING OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS,

LAURIE'S READY TO SWEAR OFF MEN ALTOGETHER.