The Happy Years

Mr. Stover.

This little story about your son.

I gave you the facts

and told you to write it honestly.

But this isn't the way i wrote it, sir.

Please listen.

"John h. Stover, younger son of samuel stover sr.,

"last night left for miss wandell's select academy

"for young ladies and gentlemen.

"John was last monday expelled

"from the public schools of chester county

by unanimous vote of the school board."

That's the way i rewrote what you wrote.

Bert, mrs. Stover and i are ashamed and humiliated.

We wish it could have been hushed up,

but everybody would find out,

and i don't want them saying

i kept it out of the papers

because it was my own son.

Bert: Hello.

Oh, yes.

Mrs. Stover calling you, sir.

Hello, maude.

Samuel, come home right away.

It's mrs. Cameron.

She's going to put john in prison.

All right, maude. I'll come at once.

Samuel stover, your son has robbed me

of a blue ribbon in next week's horse show.

Please, mrs. Cameron, if someone has been

surreptitiously riding any of your prize horses-

my beautiful, white, five-gaited gelding bucephalus.

Well, what's the matter with b-b-bucephalus?

Look.

Well, why do you suspect john of this?

The jones hardware store will tell you

that yesterday at 3:30,

john purchased two quarts of green paint,

which he charged to my account.

Bert: Hello. Oh, yes.

Mr. Stover, your little girl is on the phone.

Hello, tootsie. I love you, darling,

but i'm awfully busy right now, so you-

but mom wants you. Hurry.

John's been expelled from miss wandell's academy,

and sambo's come home from yale about it.

Hello, sambo.

What is it, and how did the news reach yale university?

There was an explosion at the academy,

and it blew out the sides of the building,

and it could have killed everybody.

The police say that john did it.

Sambo: I brought him home.

Dad, we'll never have a moment's peace

unless you do something drastic

about that young heathen right now.

In the last two years, we've lost half our friends and...

well-

oh, no, samuel. Not reform school, please.

Why not reform school?

Of course, there is one private school i know of,

a school with a fine tradition among its students

that manages to turn pretty nearly any young heathen

into a good christian.

It did when i went there.

Lawrenceville, dad?

Oh, no.

I won't stand for that.

Lawrenceville has a fine curriculum,

an understanding faculty-

we went all through that a year ago.

I've got a reputation at lawrenceville.

Maude, what do you say?

Sam, your father means what he says

about reform school.

All right. Lawrenceville...

but i'll bet the faculty

won't let him stay there long enough

for the splendid tradition to do him any good.

That we'll find out.

Bring john here.

This isn't your fault, dear.

Maybe i've failed with john.

You've had the patience of job.

Well, if lawrenceville doesn't work,

i'll have job's boils, too.

Samuel: Great godfrey, maude!

Look at that child's clothes.

And all the money i spent on him.

Samuel stover, 5 minutes after he puts on a new suit,

it looks like something out of a ragbag.

This isn't a new suit.

This is the coat of one suit

and the pants of another.

The other coat and pants were burnt in the explosion.

Did you deliberately set off that explosion

and blow out the wall of the academy building?

It could have happened to anybody.

What could have happened to anybody?

One of the boys in chemistry class

said you couldn't make dynamite

without using special machinery.

He was wrong.

Was anybody hurt?

A teacher got her coat blown off,

but it was a warm night, and what was she doing wearing a coat?

John...

the day you left for that academy,

a delightful peace and quiet descended on this community-

by george, no, it didn't!

John stover,

did you paint mrs. Cameron's white horse green?

I did the horse a favor.

Why?!

Well, the flies were bothering him something awful,

so i painted him green,

the same color as the grass,

so the flies couldn't see him.

That's the most outrageous thing i ever heard of!

John: No, it isn't.

I stayed there an hour

after i painted him green.

The flies didn't bother him at all.

John, we're sending you

to the lawrenceville school.

That ought to be very interesting.

When do i leave?

Now.

Here's the lawrenceville stage, my little man.

Man: Whoa!

Hey, there, young sporting life,

you bound for lawrenceville?

John: Yeah.

Well, tuck yourself in back there.

Thanks. I'll cuddle here.

Want to look over the way you handle the reins,

see if i approve your driving.

Don't look at me like that, old sport.

I've driven real coaches-

16 horses and all that sort of thing.

Now, what did they expel you for at your last school?

Who said they expelled me?

All right. What did they fire you for?

Fired me for trying to kill a gambler.

I drew a knife on him.

He'd have been done for, too, the coward,

if they hadn't hauled me off.

Oh, me. Thrilling state of affairs.

I saw red, everything red!

What had this gambler done to you?

He insulted my mother.

Your mother?

She's dead.

You don't mean it.

A long time ago.

She died in a shipwreck to save me.

Held my head above the water.

I was the only one saved.

And your father, is he alive?

Yes, but we don't speak of him.

Oh, pardon me.

Painful memory, of course.

Who is this old buck anyway?

Oh, he comes back and forth every now and then.

Traveling salesman, huh?

What's your line of goods, old sport?

Uh, books.

Books?

Say, can't you get any speed out of these nags?

Whoa! Whoa! Yeah!

Yeah, boys, go!

Come on, you silly nags!

Whoa! Stop that!

Come on! Faster!

Come on, you silly nags!

Get going!

Stop that, please.

Get those horses over here.

Give me those reins.

Give me those.

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Easy now. Whoa.

What in blazes are you trying to do,

you young anarchist?

You ought to be driving a couple of cows.

Giddyap.

Driver: Whoa.

Well, there it is.

Looks kind of quiet.

I'll put some ginger into it.

Which house are you headed for?

The green house.

Giddyap.

Driver: Whoa, whoa!

Whoa!

Well, here it is, young sporting life,

the green house.

That awful, old stone blockhouse affair?

Why, it's not even on the campus.