Impastor

Previously on "Impastor"...

I'm leaving you

because I can't stand you.

You don't have the balls, Sparky.

Is that right?

Buddy, Ray says you have an hour to get him his money

or he's gonna kill me.

Let's see what kind of hooligan

we're dealing with here, huh?

I'm telling you, I was this close

to crushin' his windpipe when he bit me!

I just hope I didn't get rabies from this cannibal.

Well, must be the same man neither of us can identify

who burned my car.

Moving on.

Uh, now that Bishop Perkins is retiring,

we need to make his final visit a memorable one.

- In a good way, Dora. - Ugh.

Please just let it go, Alden.

Let what go?

The year was 2014.

The event: Bishop Perkins' annual visit.

What went wrong?

Everything.

Here we go, Bishop. I made your favorite,

lemon Echinacea tea.

Oh, you shouldn't have gone to all that trouble.

Oh, no, no trouble at all.

And be sure to help yourself to one of my world famous

"Apple Dora's."

No thanks, I never liked them.

What?

That scalding hot water turned his sock

into a blast furnace.

When he took it off, the skin came with it.

They say you could hear his screams

all the way to Pineville.

It was an accident, okay?

I just had a reaction to his utter lack of taste

in homemade fruit pastries.

The Bishop's only been back once since then,

- and Alden suggested... - Ordered.

That Dora keep her distance.

But I have planned a musical tribute for the Bishop

that is sure to redeem me from this unfortunate

if not overblown incident.

Jeez, I don't know how any song can make up for

torching his tootsies.

But maybe.

Pastor, we need to make the Bishop's final weekend

in Ladner flawless.

I'm counting on you to be the perfect host.

Me? Pass.

Buddy.

The Bishop always stays with the pastor when he's in town.

A whole weekend?

There was no way he wouldn't find out I was a fraud.

You know, a distinguished guest like him shouldn't have to

deal with a roomie.

I should clear out for a while.

Nonsense, no.

The Bishop said specifically, he needs to talk to you

about some of the unorthodox things you've been doing around here.

Well...

I can't wait till he gets here.

'Cause if I do, it's game over.

How could I possibly last a weekend with the Bishop?

Was it too late to pretend I didn't speak English?

- Buenos dias. - Morning, Pastor.

I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by.

Well, my door is always open.

Evidently.

I was hoping you could help me with something.

Do you know this man?

No, no I've never seen him before.

- Who is he? - His name's Ray Florez.

Spent eight years in prison for arson.

We think he's the guy who torched your car.

Great. Did you arrest him?

I didn't think it was necessary since he's dead.

Dead? How?

Cause of death hasn't been officially determined.

But the bullet in his chest probably had something

to do with it.

Poor soul.

Would you pray with me?

Amen.

Pastor, why do you think a man who just got out of prison

would drive across country to threaten a church in Ladner?

I have no idea.

Well, if you think of anything, give me a call.

Will do.

- Thanks, Sheriff. - Mmhmm.

You know, my daddy was a preacher.

I spent a lot of time in pastors' studies.

And this is the first one I've ever been in

that didn't have a Bible on the desk.

Got it memorized.

Oh, right.

Once upon a time.

Okay, you guys, I cannot stress enough

how important it is that we send Bishop Perkins off

with an amazing performance.

Yeah, or Dora could end up in some real "hot water."

Yes, Larry, we all know you're

the funniest crossing guard in Ladner.

Okay, okay, I'll stop "tea-zing" her.

Ya burnt.

But not as bad as the Bishop's foot.

Oh, zing!

Larry, I will end you.

Okay? I mean it.

I will take you and I will put you at the end of this row

and you will no longer be center choir.

Dora, I will handle this.

All right, we all know this is Dora's last chance

to make up for her humiliating assault of the Bishop.

So focus up!

Thank you, Russell.

Ray's dead?

Buddy, did you...

No!

Why would you even think that?

Oh, because the Kenny thing.

Yes, because of the Kenny thing!

How come every time you save me from someone,

they end up dead?

Would you rather have it the other way around?

If you didn't kill Ray, who did?

- I have no idea. - This isn't good.

If the Sheriff figures out that Ray is connected to Kenny,

we could both be screwed.

Well, she's not gonna figure it out as long as we

keep our story straight.

What did you tell her?

She showed me his picture.

I said I've never seen him before.

That's it.

As long as you say the same thing, we're good.

Are you sure you're telling me the whole truth?

I swear on the Bible.

And as your pastor, you know that's like a big thing.

You guys okay with lemonade?

Yes, that's fine.

Hurry it along, would you, I want to talk to you.

Whatever the Bish was gonna grill me about,

I had to be prepared.

Gentlemen, here we go.

Oh, oh, oh, not that one.

Put my thumb in it.

Here we are.

- Alden. - Thank you.

So you're hanging up the old bishop's uni, huh?

Yes.

It is time to pass the baton to my successor.

Well, Heinrich Steuben is a fine man.

I'm sure he'll fill the position with grace and dignity.

- Steuben's an ass. - Never liked him.

We need someone to grow our church

and lead us into the future.

And that's why I am recommending Pastor Barlow.

What? He's not qualified!

He's right, I'm not.

That kind of modesty is one of the reasons I want you.

What other reason could you possibly have?

You're young, you're progressive,

you've raised church attendance, and you've increased donations.

He's gay!

Another plus. Thanks, Alden.

You're the perfect man to be the spiritual leader

of this region's 87 churches.

I could barely fool one church,

but 87?

No way.

I'm gonna need some more lemonade.

Hi, Sheriff.

Can I show you anything?

No, I'm just browsing.

But if you ever have a 95% off sale, let me know.

Oh, but hey, while I'm here,

can you look at something for me?

You ever seen this guy?

- No. - Hmm.

I'm confused, because Alden Schmidt

told me he definitely remembers seeing this man in your store.

Oh.

Well, he's probably right.

I get a lot of customers.

Yeah, I can see that.

I noticed you have security cameras.

Do you mind if I take a look at the tapes?

No, not at all.

Uh, now that I have you alone,

I'd like to talk to you about my impending split with Hilva.

What about it?

Well, I'd like you to sanction the divorce.

Your blessing would ensure that my standing

in the community remains tip-top.

Divorce isn't something I or the church take lightly.

On what ground would I sanction it?