Fawlty Towers

- Number 17, please. - That'll be fine, thank you.

Goodbye. Thank you so much.

Hello, Fawlty Towers.

Oh, hello, Mr Hawkins.

- I've arranged your car for 2:00. - Thank you.

Well, you did say today, Mr Hawkins.

- You do accept cheques? - With a banker's card, yes.

Well, we have to cancel the order then.

Yes. No, no, 5:00 will be fine.

Goodbye.

Polly, Brenda can't start till Monday.

Would you mind doing the rooms until then?

- Oh, no. I could do with the money. - Oh, good.

There you are.

Thank you, Mr Yardley.

Oh, hello. Can I help you?

- Yes... - Girl,

would you give me change for this, please?

In one moment. I'm just dealing with this gentleman.

- Yes, Mr Thurston... - What?

- I was wondering... - I need change for this!

In a moment. I'm dealing with this gentleman.

But I have a taxi driver waiting.

Surely this gentleman wouldn't mind if you just gave me change.

- Do you? - No, no. Go ahead.

- There you are. - Thank you.

Can you tell me how to get to Glendower Street?

Now, I've booked a room and bath with a sea view for three nights.

- Glendower Street? - Yes.

You haven't finished with me.

Missus...

Mrs Richards. Mrs Alice Richards.

Mrs Richards, Mr Thurston.

Mr Thurston, Mrs Richards.

Mr Thurston is the gentleman I'm attending to at the moment.

What?

Mr Thurston is the gentleman I'm attending...

Don't shout. I'm not deaf.

Mr Thurston was here before you, Mrs Richards.

But you were serving me!

I gave you change, but I hadn't finished dealing with him.

Now, Glendower Street...

Isn't there anyone else in attendance?

Really, this is the most appalling service!

What a good idea!

Manuel, could you lend Mrs Richards

your assistance in connection with her reservation?

Now...

I've reserved a very quiet room

with a bath and a sea view.

I specifically asked for a sea view in my written confirmation,

so please make sure I have it.

Qué?

- What? - Qué?

- K? - Sí.

C?

KC?

KC? What are you trying to say?

No, no, no, no. Qué: What.

K-watt?

Sí. Qué... What.

- C.K. Watt? - Yes!

Who is C.K. Watt?

Qué?

Is he the manager, Mr Watt?

- Manager! - He is?

Ah, Mr Fawlty!

- What? - Fawlty!

What are you talking about, you silly little man?

What is going on here?

I ask him for my room, and he tells me

the manager's a Mr Watt, aged 40.

No. No, no. Fawlty.

"Faulty"? What's wrong with him?

It's all right, Mrs Richards. He's from Barcelona.

The manager's from Barcelona?

No, no, no. He's from Swanage.

- And you're in 22. - What?

You're in room 22.

Manuel, take these cases up to 22, will you?

Very nice stay, Mr Fawlty.

Ah, glad you enjoyed it.

Polly, would you get Mr Firkin's bill, please?

When will we see you again?

Oh, not for a few weeks.

You're not by any chance a betting man, Mr Fawlty?

Er... Well, I used to be.

Only there's a very nice little filly running at Exeter this afternoon.

- Really? - Dragonfly.

Ah.

- Dragonfly? - Yeah.

It's well worth a flutter, but pay the tax on it before...

Oh, delighted you enjoyed your stay.

Very nice.

Hope to see you again before long.

- There you are. - Thank you.

Goodbye, Mrs Fawlty.

Goodbye, Mr Firkin.

A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed.

Oh, Mr Fawlty, 3:00, Exeter, Dragonfly.

Right?

Yes, good luck! Jolly...jolly good luck with it.

Morning, Major.

Good morning, Fawlty.

Yes, dear?

What was that about the 3:00 at Exeter, Basil?

Oh, some horse he's gonna bet on, I expect.

You're looking very spruce this morning, Major.

- St. George's Day, old boy. - Really?

Got a horse, have you? What's his name?

Did you catch it, dear?

Dragonfly, Major.

- Going to have a flutter, Fawlty? - No, no, no, no, no.

No, Basil doesn't bet any more, Major. Do you, dear?

No, I don't, dear, no.

That particular avenue of pleasure has been closed off for me.

And we don't want it opened up again, do we, Basil?

No, you don't, dear. No.

The great warning-off of May 8th, yes.

Good old Saint George, eh, Major?

Well, he killed a hideous fire-breathing old dragon, didn't he?

Ran it through with a lance, I believe.

Mr Fawlty! Mr Fawlty!

Is Missus...room no like.

She want speak to you. Is problem.

Ever see my wife making toast, Polly?

Why... Why'd he kill it anyway, Fawlty?

I don't know, Major. Better than marrying it.

Marrying it?

But he didn't have to kill it, though, did he?

I mean, he could've, uh, just not turned up at the church.

Good morning, madam. Can I help you?

- Are you the manager? - I am the owner, madam.

- What? - I am the owner.

I want to speak to the manager.

- I am the manager, too. - What?

I am the manager as well.

Manager. He manager.

Oh, you're Watt.

I'm the manager!

- What? - I'm the manager!

Yes, I know. You've just told me. What's the matter with you?

Now, listen to me. I booked a room with a bath.

When I book a room with a bath, I expect to get a bath.

You've got a bath.

I'm not paying £7.20p per night, plus V.A.T., for a room without a bath!

Here is your bath.

You call that a bath? It's not big enough to drown a mouse.

It's disgraceful!

I wish you were a mouse. I'd show you.

And another thing.

I asked for a room with a view.

Deaf, mad, and blind.

This is the view as far as I can remember, madam.

Yes, yes, this is it.

When I pay for a view, I expect something more interesting than that.

That is Torquay, madam.

That is not good enough.

Well, may I ask what you were expecting to see

out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window?

Sydney Opera House, perhaps?

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon?

Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically...

Don't be silly.

I expect to be able to see the sea.

You can see the sea.

It's over there between the land and the sky.

I need a telescope to see that.

Well, may I suggest that you consider moving

to a hotel closer to the sea?

Or preferably in it?

Right.

Now, listen to me. I'm not satisfied, but I've decided to stay here.

However, I shall expect a reduction.

Why, because Krakatoa's not erupting at the moment?

Because the room is cold, the bath is too small, the view is invisible,

and the radio doesn't work.

No, the radio works. You don't.

What?

I'll see if I can fix it, you scabby old bat.

- I think we got something then. - What?

I think we got something then!

What are you doing?

Qué?

Madam, don't think me rude, but may I ask,

do you by any chance have a hearing aid?

A what?

A hearing aid!

Yes, I do have a hearing aid.

Would you like me to get it mended?

Mended? It's working perfectly all right.

No, it isn't!

I haven't got it turned on at the moment.

- Why not? - The battery runs down.

Now, what sort of a reduction are you going to give me on this room?

- 60% if you turn it on. - What?

My wife handles all such matters.

I'm sure she will be delighted to discuss it with you.

I shall speak to her after lunch.

You heard that all right, didn't you?