Reservation Dogs

- (soft clattering) - (liquid pouring)

'Sup, shit ass?

Hope you're doing good.

Just floating around in space.

Yep. Things been real messed-up around here.

There was a tornado in town.

Uncle Brownie stopped it, though.

He's been right acting up ever since.

Can you see me?

Bark if you can.

Ha. Ha!

My dad's OCD is on X Games mode.

Losing his socks, his favorite mug, his keys.

Thinks the "Little People" are fucking with him.

Damn... (speaking native language)

Okay, that I'm actually not surprised about.

I'm-I'm not gonna bullshit, but...

Bear still talks to that spirit

- with the hard nips. - I mean, I don't know

what the fuck you're doing here.

And this picking on me and shit. Man, just...

Cheese been spending a lot of time with his Uncle Charlie,

which I guess is good.

The tornado winds picked up someone's horse

and dropped her off at Kenny Boy's.

Welcome to Burglekutt Salvage.

- She's so beautiful. And now he thinks,

friggin', the Creator gifted it to him.

You're ours now, and we're yours.

Big's still going on about

- his Bigfoot and catfish heads. - Huh.

Bucky's been having problems with that este hvtke lady,

per "yoozh."

Mose and Mekko got their bikes hustled.

I better not find out who took it.

Send them to the spirit world.

They're on foot now. - Let's ride.

- But we can't even ride. - (scoffs)

And Elora left with that bitch Jackie.

She's, like, our sworn enemy now.

Fuck.

Bad part is...

think it's all my fault.

GPS is fucked-up.

Can you put it in your phone?

I've got a burner. No GPS.

Fuck.

: Aho!

Thank you for your donation.

Excuse me for my beauty now, for I shall give you

some ancient Native American wisdom here.

He who hoots with the owls at night

cannot soar with the eagles in the morning.

Do not watch two dogs get stuck together.

For if you do, you shall get pink eye.

These are ancient sayings

from the heartbeat of Mother Earth.

Deposit more money now

for more wisdom.

Hoka.

The fuck?

Bullshit machine.

Hey, you can't use that until you buy it.

I'm buying it.

- Aho! Your friend Daniel's house. - (groans)

- Yeah. - Fuck.

I will take care of him, friends, nephew. Uh-huh.

The hell are you doing here, man?

Oh, hi there, young warrior. Good to see you.

Yeah, I was on my way to another appointment, a new client.

I saw you here looking all-all sad-like.

- (sucks teeth) - So I decided to stop by.

Why are you here? I thought you went to California.

I w... We were.

But fucking Elora Danan ditched me, man.

I'm actually glad to see you.

I haven't really been feeling the best...

Yeah, bro, I'm sorry.

I can't hear your sad story right now.

I-I got to go. I got this other client.

Fucker things he's a spirit, you know?

He did turn the storm, but, fuck, whatever.

Everyone can do that.

So...

- I'll check you later. - Wait, you serious?

No, come on. Come on, man.

You literally invade my life

whenever it's convenient for you, man.

And as soon as I'm seeking help, you just bail?

Okay, um...

You got your, uh... your sacred curlies in, right?

My what?

Your sacred hairs.

Your man mesh. Your nest of creation.

Your he-muff, she-muff, they-muff down there.

See, long time ago, when our sacred hairs came in like that,

it meant that we weren't children no more

and that we started working for the people.

You... you're acting like a kid, man.

We all had a job. We all had a role.

That's how we built strong nations,

like each a stitch

in the great loin cloth of the people.

I don't even know what that means, man.

Fuck, I don't even know what it means, man.

I'm just making it up as I go along,

all right? Why you asking me all these questions?

You weren't even my appointment today.

Fuck. Take responsibility for yourself,

young warrior.

Carry on, my wayward son.

There will be peace when you are done.

Aho.

I'm trying, man.

Oi!

Skoden.

Yeah.

You see how Daniel's dad moved?

Yeah, I heard.

I think, bro, that it's all connected.

Man, you sound like you've been chilling with Big.

- She sounds like Big. - Yeah. - Fuck no,

I don't sound like Big.

Uncle Brownie told us, "Don't mess with bad medicine."

What do we do? Fucking mess with bad medicine.

Yo, that was all you. Fucking cursed now.

It seems like it's just a bunch of "co-edincinces."

Yeah.

Don't know. Elora taking off and ditching you.

Yeah, but ma-maybe it's my fault she left, man.

- Guys... - Or maybe it's because she's fucking selfish

and she doesn't give a shit about me, man.

But it's not because of a fucking curse.

- Guys. - Yes, it is. It's all connected.

- No, it's not, bro. It's just... - Guys!

What the fuck?

Hey, bro. The hell's going on?

Tearing it down.

Yeah, someone bought it last week.

What, y'all live here or something?

No, it's, like, our secret hideout.

Ain't no secret anymore, man.

Some Texas rancher bought it.

He's gonna build some sort of...

You know, megachurch

- for white folks. - And there's no curse.

- Is this y'all's shit? - Oh, hell no.

Daniel's shit, you guys.

Fuck.

See, I told you, man. Fucking curse.

Yeah. Kind of looked like some evil seance or some shit.

- What-what are y'all doing? - It's a memorial.

What's up with the commodity cheese, man?

Yo, why you asking so much questions?

Told you. Fucking cursed.

How the fuck do people read these things?

What the fuck?

Hey, what's that light mean?

- (engine bangs) - What the fuck?

Shit.

- Fuck. - Man, your grandma's got a rezzy-ass car.

What the fuck do we do now?

Fuck.

Fuck.

Take this moment to pray.

Take a moment here to pray.

I want to pray for you, Creator. Aho.

Aho. Creator, thank you for these sacred tater tots

that my nephew-grandson-grandpa here has given me.

Take care of his little heart like that and his cholesterol

in that good way.

- Aho. - So, does this mean

I'm a holy man now?

Huh? No, no, no. You're not a holy man.

I think I must be.

You're not.

What was Crazy Horse like?

Crazy Horse? Oh, man.

He was something. He was pretty awesome.

His eyes were like the thunder beams looking at you, you know?

Most people think a warrior means to be all macho like that,

but no, being a warrior

means being in touch with your feminine side.

And Crazy Horse, he did that.

He was a true warrior. In touch with his man moon.

Most people don't remember that we once had a man moon.

We'd bleed once a month.

Happened every sacred time for us.

Crazy Horse was the last one of us to have a man moon.

- Hmm. - And then the white man took it from us.