Animal

Keep going!

Barbara!

Keep going!

Come on, babe!

Barbara!

Help!

- Don't. - Let go of me.

- She's gone. - Carl, let me go.

Barbara!

Let go!

Barbara!

- It's been way too long. - Yeah, it has.

Alissa, you remember where that turnoff is?

1 or 2 miles past the Holland Creek sign.

Does he even know where he's going?

No. I do.

- Is this it? - Holy shit. Sean.

Almost, man. This is the road, but we still got...

- Huh? - Almost!

- I'm sorry, you were saying? - Almost. Oh, my God.

- It's like talking to a deaf person. - We're close.

You know, it's attitudes like that that make me wear these.

It's your idea.

- This is really beautiful! - Oh, my God.

- Gorgeous! - Shut up!

Keep those out.

Are you serious?

- What is this? - It's a roadblock.

Aw, shit.

He's so mad.

- Why is it closed? - I don't know.

What's forest regeneration?

It's bullshit. It's a lie to keep people quiet while they chop it all down.

It isn't nice to fool Mother Nature.

No, it is not. They're chopping down trees that are a hundred years old.

No. Someone's a little pissed.

- I am pissed. Sorry. - No, it's okay.

That's why we came... to enjoy what's here before it's gone.

Yeah.

Guys, guys, guys. Don't... Don't bring any of that on the trail.

- Oh, it's coming. Yeah, it's coming. - Shut up, Sean.

You're gonna get off my car. Actually, can we get around this thing?

Yeah. Just knock it down.

So, this is the place you were telling me about?

Almost. A little further down. But might as well be the same thing.

It's all the same forest.

We used to camp here every summer.

It was like our one family tradition.

Think this is gonna score me some brownie points with your folks...

or, uh, your brother?

I wouldn't count on it.

All right, what do you think?

- Close enough? - Yeah. This will be great.

- You sure? - Yeah, yeah.

All right. Let's suit up.

This ain't right. I'm supposed to be fixing your backpack.

Oh, is it intimidating that your girlfriend is used to the outdoors?

What? What? No. No, I'm just saying...

at least I know you'll be all right if I wasn't here.

Yeah, I'd be okay.

- Hey. - Sorry, man. I'm just trying to hurry.

- How much shit you put in there? - Just enough. You'll thank me later.

What about the rest of the stuff? Is it gonna be safe here?

Yeah.

Better than losing it in the woods, right?

Are you sure?

I'm sure. Let's go. We're burning daylight.

- Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm sure.

At least you're not the drill sergeant your brother is.

That's the "step" part. His dad.

- I heard that. - Ooh!

I hear everything.

- Hey. You're not bringing that. - What?

Put it in the car. This is our date with Mother Nature.

What? It's mood music. You usually like it.

What are we waiting for?

- You know it's a hike, right? - What the hell is that supposed to mean?

- We have to look good. - You look fine. Let's go.

Alissa, let me explain something to you. You are a natural beauty, okay?

It's a gift. Girls like me, we gotta take what we got and work it.

Besides, I have a reputation to uphold.

- It's just us. - Oh, Liss.

You know better than that. It's never just us.

Group, get together. All right, guys, get together. Get closer.

You're ready? 1.

2. Everyone say "fifth wheel."

Fifth wheel!

- Oh, you're so cute when you're pathetic. - You're not cute in that photo.

Oh, my God. Is that what my hair looks like?

What?

Am I that obvious?

Relax. Enjoy it. These woods won't even be here in the next few years.

I will if you give me a kiss.

That a girl.

- I'm gonna stop. - For what?

- Dare me? - No!

Don't do it.

You dare me?

So this is pretty much it, huh? We just keep walking and then...

turn around and walk back?

Yeah. That's pretty much it.

I'm taking you guys to this amazing cave near the creek.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Alissa and I used to go swimming there all the time when we were kids.

Swimming? You never said anything about bringing a bathing suit.

- Did I forget to tell you about the bathing suit? - You did.

- What were you thinking? - You'll be fine without it.

Does it ever get awkward seeing your best friend kiss your brother like that?

It was inevitable. But yes.

So how long has it been for you?

It's been a while now... like six or seven years.

- Really? - We stopped coming after we moved.

The trip got too long and we got busy.

Yeah, it's a... it's a long-ass drive.

- Yeah. - But it's worth it though.

- It's gorgeous out here. - I know.

Does it look familiar at all to you?

Sort of looks familiar, but it feels different.

- Feels different. - Mm-hmm.

Feels different, how?

- I don't know. - This different?

Hey, Jeff, you never said anything about this.

Oh, it's just a little safety precaution. I called the district ranger

and he said that the tree cutting has been displacing animals from the deeper areas.

- Uh, does it work? - Yeah, it works.

Can of that stuff will send a grizzly bear running.

- Oh, so you've used it. - Yes...

Uh, no, I haven't used it, but I know how to use it.

So if a giant bear comes out of the woods right now,

and it's like... "I'm going to kill you, Jeff"...

- They don't talk. - You're gonna be like, "Aah!"

- And... And you're not worried? - Nope. Not worried at all.

Well, shit, we gotta test this out.

- Oh, be careful. Be careful. - Okay, okay. Careful.

All right, fifty dollars to whoever lets me spray them in the face.

- Give it to me. - Fifty dollars for bear mace in the face.

- Going once. - You're an idiot.

All right, you're right. I am an idiot. A hundred dollars.

A hundred dollars for whoever lets me spray them in the face.

- Okay, a man after my own cash. I like it. - No, you're not.

- Yes, he is. - It's a hundred bucks. Let's do it.

Let him do it. Let him do it.

It'll be fine.

Good job. Good job, guys.

Almost there.

- Jeff? - Yeah?

Creek's right up here. Once we get there, we're gonna follow it to the falls.

- There's not enough time. - We have time. We're almost there.

- We still have to make it back. - I know we... I know. We're gonna be fine.

Not if the sun goes down, which it's about to do now.

Hey.

Go ahead, brother.

We've been out much deeper, much later than this with Dad, right?

Right?

- Yeah, but... - Yes, we have.

We're gonna be fine. We got this. I promise.

Hey. We got this.

We don't know. We need to go home.

- Because you're not listening to me, Jeff. - You're not trusting me.

You're being selfish. You're being selfish.

We tried. It's been fun. We'll come back another time.

That's what I'm saying to you. There's not gonna be another time.

- You don't know that. - This is it! I do know that!

They do this all the time?

Well, they both love hiking, and they're both stubborn as hell.

- Any idea how long it'll last? - A long time.

All right, nature calls. I'll be right back.

We'll go back right now.

Why did we come? Why did we come to stand here?

But it's Taylor Swift.

Aah! What the fuck is that?

It's a backpack. I found it when I was taking a leak.

- Did you wash your hands? - Yeah. With the bar of soap that I found.

Relax for a second.

I wonder whose this is.

What are the marines doing out in the boondocks?

We're going back.

They better wrap this shit up, 'cause there's no goddamn way

I'm walking back in the dark.

If we keep along this direction, we'll be able to cut the curve and make better time.

Whatever you say, fearless leader.

- Please don't. Please don't. - Can someone Uber us a cab?

- Mandy, talk to me. - What?

- Hey, stop it. Stop. - What? What, Jeff. What?

I'm sorry. Okay? I made a mistake.

- You didn't pack like it was a mistake. - Guys, guys, guys, guys.

- It was a mistake. - Help me understand, Jeff.

- What exactly are you sorry for? - I'm sorry...

- For being a deliberate asshole? - Come on.

For failing to fill everyone in on what we're doing?

No, I'm sorry that you are upset with me.

Okay? I thought that this was gonna be fun for everybody.

- That's bullshit. - No, it's not.

That's bullshit, Jeff. Yes, it is. You thought it was gonna be fun for you.

- No. - You do this all the time.

You set your mind to one little thing and you completely forget about everything

and everyone else.

I'm sorry.

I just hope you got what you came for.

So, uh, did you guys ever hear about the Ohio Howl?