The Tick

The life of a superhero is a lonely one,

filled with hardship and danger.

The few who answer the call

must leave comfort, safety and often sanity behind.

But someone's gotta stand the heat and stay in the kitchen!

Someone's gotta don the oven mitts of all that's right

and strangle the red-hot throat of all that's wrong!

This is that someone's story.

Hey! A bus!

He still here?

Yup.

He stands in silence, stoic, godlike.

The mysterious blue avenger, who has become legend

to the simple folk of this bus station.

But glory will not distract him from his vigil.

Come on!

Come on, come on!

Metal fiend!

Stand back, citizen!

So, vending menace, we meet again.

Did you jiggle the thing?

Armless bandit!

Empty your bladder of that bitter black urine

men call coffee!

It has its price, and that price has been paid!

Java devil, you are now my bitch.

Well, here you are, weary traveler,

one steaming hot cup of justice!

No need to thank me,

it's my sworn duty to defend this bus station,

against the ravages of evil.

Uh, you dropped this.

Hey…

a bus ticket.

Apparently, I intended to go on a trip to The City.

Why?

Well, looks to me like, you finally freed us

from the tyranny of the coffee machine.

So perhaps my work here is done!

Perhaps it's time that I moved on to a place

where there's…

- Stuff to do? - Stuff to do!

Stuff to do…

Well, goodbye, grateful Bus Station Man!

You don't know what you'll do without me, but shed no tears.

Goodbye, plucky, pimply teen.

I think you're ready now to hear the truth.

This wasn't really a magic hubcap.

The magic was inside you all along.

Well, destiny honks the horn of gotta go. To The City!

Who was that blue stranger?

He was "The Tick."

Sir, I'm sure that Human Resources can handle this,

- no need for you-- - A man's life is at stake,

I'm taking this bull by the horns personally.

Good lord! I'm too late.

- Mr.-- Mr. Fishladder! - Aha.

It is still Arthur, isn't it?

Arthur, my time is worth 17 dollars a second.

I want an explanation,

and I want it to cost less than 1,500 dollars!

- - Go!

Oh, uh…

- Well, it’s hard to explain-- - Fifty-one dollars.

Mr. Fishladder,

I have been living a lie.

I am more than just a mild-mannered accountant,

Now, I do good work for this firm and I value my job.

It's just-- My entire life has become nothing but…

- numbers and deductions and IRA. - Two hundred and fifty-five.

And granted, I've been doing my parent's tax returns since I was six.

But even then, I knew I had a higher calling.

I can't hide from it any longer.

- I-- - Don't say it!

I am going to become a superhero!

You know, part-time at first.

Christ in Heaven!

Look at yourself, you're built like a sensible shoe.

You shouldn't be jumping around town

in a body sock fighting crime!

Well, I haven't actually fought any crime yet.

Good! Keep it that way!

Crime fights back!

Remember the lesson of Metcalfe.

- Metcalfe? - Metcalfe!

Head of Shipping and Receiving, third floor. Metcalfe!

He lost all his game pieces, just like you.

Cashed in his 401K and bought a jet pack!

Now the poor bastard needs a machine… to poop!

Mr. Fishladder, I know that sort of thing can happen. But--

But you're gonna ride this thing out to the bloody,

gruesome end, aren't you?

Well, maybe not all the way to the end, but, you know, for a while.

Mr. Fishladder,

- I have to try. - Time's up!

Here's the way I see it,

you're either a man with a job or an idiot in a bunny suit.

You can't be both. Not at Worldwide Fishladder and Sons.

So, what's it gonna be? Huh?

It's gonna be a tough road to hoe,

but he's just the Joe to hoe it.

For destiny has called on him, and even now he feels her warm,

moist hand at the small of his back, pushing, pushing.

Losing that job was the best thing that could've happened to me.

That paycheck was a noose around my neck.

Now I can be like you. A superhero!

Oh, crap.

The noblest profession.

Risking it all for the common good, that's our job.

They may call us an accountant

but we can't deny our true natures,

even if all of our friends and relatives tell us we're good at math.

The hero's life! Our destiny!

Suit doesn't do a lot for you.

Make you look like a… Easter Bunny.

- It's a flying suit. - Easter Bunny can't fly.

Well, I can.

I haven't yet.

But all I've to do is go to the top of a building and jump off.

Go ahead. Who cares?

I'm gonna do it tonight.

I think he's gonna fall down a lot and die.

Oh, crap.

City! City, I am The Tick!

And you have melted my heart.

From this day forth,

I will spread my buttery justice over your every nook and cranny.

Hear me, oh, city, my city.

Your toast will never go bare again!

Who am I kidding?

Comrades! The Red Scare.

The finest secret Soviet super weapon 1979 had to offer.

One touch of this button,

and we'll have an unstoppable engine of death at our command.

- 1979? Does it still work? - Does it still work,

it’s a Plotski!

Ivan Plotski, the best scientist ever!

A toast, my friends,

to the Russian American Coalition for the Annihilation

of the U.S. Postal System!

Nostrovia!

Sorry.

Rabbit person wants to make problems?

It's really more of a moth thing.

- He wants to be a superhero. - Let's teach him the lesson

of Metcalfe.

- Metcalfe? - Metcalfe!

No!

My first damsel in distress!

Unhand that woman!

Oh.

Awkward moment.

Sorry there, Moth Man. Didn't mean to interrupt.

Although, I sure would like a slice of your righteous combat pie.

- What do you say? - Help!

Hey, great! Thanks!

Wicked men, you face The Tick.

Incoming!

Single file! Knock it off!

Heads up!

Here you go, chum!

Don't do drugs!

There's more where that came from!

He breathes in deep the sweet air of his first victory.

And with the newly-won friendship of his fellow warrior

he stands tall against the inevitable horrors to come.

Come on Moth Man! To the rooftops!

It all happens here on the rooftops.

Brightly clad stallions,

running the most dangerous steeplechase of them all.

Flanks sweaty, nostrils flaring.

We heroes are our own jockeys, chum, we ride ourselves,

and hard!

Robot!

I saw a robot!

You saw a robot?

You lucky duck.

- Wow! - Haven't seen you around before!

I am, Batmanuel!

You may have heard of me. I get a lot of press.

You were the one who saved that trolley full of supermodels!

Yes. In fact, I saved them three times in one night,

if you get my meaning.

Nope.

Batmanuel, thank God you're here. Listen, there's this big red--

Batmanuel. On a roof, of course.

Huh? Yes, the doors open at midnight.

A-ha. And invite Diego. I like his sister.

She's Catholic.

Cool walkie-talkie.