The Ghastly Love of Johnny X

Good morning, Judge.

Jonathan Xavier.

You stand before me today accused of low crimes

such as theft and civil disobedience.

What have you to say for yourself?

Mr. Xavier, you've been given full bounty

of our society's benefits,

yet you choose to flaunt your disrespect

for everything decent

by means of repeated transgressions against us.

All we ask of our citizens is a modest conformity,

but even that seems to be too much for you

and your misguided followers.

So now you're going to have to listen to my verdict.

Do your worst, Counselor.

I'm counting on it.

In as much as you insist on being an outsider

and laughing at the rules and traditions

of our advanced civilization,

I am exiling you to a place

which has no adherence to either.

Observe.

Under your desks, children!

( screaming, train whistle blowing )

Yeah?

Well, I don't care!

You can end me to any pus-y, scab-covered boil you want.

At least I'll be going places.

I'm the guy your parents hate!

Young man, do you really wish to become that?

Undisciplined, irreverent...

Tasteless!

I'd like to advise you to choose your next words carefully,

because this may be your last chance

to find grace among your own people.

Oh, yeah, baby.

What is this thing he's got?

Guard!

You little monster!

Jonathan Xavier...

An unselfish act will bring you home.

Be wise, for what it's worth.

Until that time,

I have no choice but to sentence you...

...to Earth!

She's close.

Mmmm.

I can almost taste her.

Let's fade.

Woo!

We surrender, we surrender!

I'd like to say a word about Chesterfields.

Chesterfields are milder-smoking, better-tasting

and cooler.

See "Beatnik Barbecue" starring screen sensation Robin Wray.

Here you go, baby.

It's a gasper.

We interrupt this program

to bring you a late-breaking news bulletin.

The southwest's Rockin' Shamrock, Mickey O'Flynn,

"The Man with the Grin," is missing.

A search of O'Flynn's Arizona mansion yielded no clues.

O'Flynn was last seen rehearsing

for his first public appearance in several years.

Show producer King Clayton who lured the reckless recluse

back into the limelight for a concert scheduled this weekend,

admits that the rootin', tootin', shootin' star

failed to show up for a rehearsal.

What can I say?

The rootin', tootin', shootin' star failed to show up

for a rehearsal.

O'Flynn's following at the height of his success

surpassed all but a few in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

But even after the bright lights dimmed,

O'Flynn remained loyal to his fans.

If you or anyone you know is in possession of any information

that may lead to a resolution to this crisis,

please contact your local authorities.

And now this...

You're a star, Snooky!

Yeah, well, they're not exactly lining up for autographs.

Let's just keep it that way.

What can I get you?

Make it cold and wet, handsome.

A pop?

With a twist of lime.

Chip.

My name is Bliss.

Repeat it.

Bliss.

That's nice.

I like the way you say that.

Let's try another one.

You see that desert?

Yeah, I see it.

You know what's sitting out there?

No, what?

Lizards.

Lizards? That's right.

A whole bunch of lizards.

Do you know what those lizards are doing?

They're looking for me, that's what they're doing.

And you know why?

They want to lick me.

Lick you?

You mean...

Doesn't matter.

All that does matter is you're no lizard,

and that you don't remind me of him.

"Him."

Him?

Johnny X.

Oh, him.

My boyfriend.

Oh... him.

I've been in that Godforsaken desert for 40 days and 40 nights

without so much as a Popsicle to keep me company,

all to get away from Johnny and his pack of jackals.

But a lizard doesn't always have to be a lizard, Chip.

Just like a soda jerk doesn't always have to be a soda jerk.

He can change.

Or someone can change him.

You wanna go for a spin in my motor-rotor?

Groovy.

Let's go.

I need a little tiger in my tank.

But my shift, it isn't--

Your shift?

Chip, what did we just talk about?

Maybe you need to shift gears.

I'm going.

Going... I'd like to, I would.

But this is my life, right here in this diner.

I'm solid gone.

Wait!

He's here!

Yeah

Sucker! Pulverize him!

Oh yeah, right there.

Rip his ears off!

That's right-- still,

no word on the mysterious disappearance

of Cactus Rock legend Mickey O'Flynn.

Wait a minute, you goons.

I wanna hear this.

A search of O'Flynn's residence revealed no new evidence.

None of O'Flynn's seven ex-wives

could be reached for comment.