8½

Counselor, I've got him.

Down. Come down.

Down for good.

Forgive the early intrusion.

How are you?

I'm a great fan of yours. Very pleased to meet you.

May I?

May I use your typewriter, sir?

Your arm, please.

Relax it.

- Your age? - Forty-three.

Now lean forward.

What are you cooking up for us now? Another film with no hope?

- First time taking the cure? - Yes.

Take a deep breath.

Come in.

Sorry. I'll come back later.

No, come in.

Breathe.

Deeper.

Good morning.

Mind if I smoke?

Cough.

Breathe in.

- Did you read it? - Yes.

Breathe.

So what do you think?

I made some notes, but we'll talk later.

Your system is a bit overworked. You may get dressed.

Nice-looking girl. American, right?

You've got some fine merchandise there.

This treatment will do you good. You'll see.

Nurse, 300 mL of holy water,

three doses at 15-minute intervals on an empty stomach.

A mud bath every other day, - What time is it?

Followed by ten minutes in the mineral water as prescribed.

- I'll wait for you at the springs. - Yes, thank you.

Sir!

Sir, your glass.

Over here.

You want to talk about the film? - Yes, of course.

Fine. Just tell me if you'd like the producer to see my report.

Frankly, I wouldn't want to cause you any trouble.

No, don't worry. I'm the one who called you in.

On first reading it's evident

that the film lacks a central conflict, or philosophical premise, if you will...

Shall we sit down?

...making the film a series of gratuitous episodes,

perhaps even amusing due to their ambiguous realism.

One wonders what the authors' point is.

To make us think? To scare us?

From the start, the action reveals an impoverished poetic inspiration.

Forgive me, but this might be the most pathetic demonstration ever

that cinema is irremediably behind all other arts by 50 years.

The subject matter doesn't even have the merits of an avant-garde film,

while possessing all its shortcomings.

Here are my notes. I doubt they will be helpful.

It's still a mystery that you'd think of me

for a collaboration that I frankly don't think could work.

No, on the contrary. You'll be most helpful.

You see, I really want to make this film.

I only postponed the shoot for two weeks because –

Mezzabotta!

Excuse me.

Mezzabotta! Mario! You're here too?

Guido!

Well, Well!

Mario, what's wrong?

Guido baby, how are you?

You've sprouted quite a few white hairs, old Snaporaz!

And you haven't?

Are you drinking that garbage? It's bad for you.

They said my liver isn't – And you, what's your treatment?

Just a second.

Gloria!

Your daughter? She's all grown up.

- No, she's not my daughter. - How awful.

The cruel bee has sucked all the life from these poor flowers.

Darling, this is my friend –

I'm sorry. My shoes.

Gloria Morin. - Nice to meet you.

I'm fine, thank you.

I know all about you. Pupi always tells me.

We even had a big fight when I was very critical of your last film.

That's not true. You liked it a lot.

Shall we get something to drink? Come on.

Are you here alone? And your wife?

- Yes, I'm alone. - Better that way.

I mean, better in general.

You heard about Tina and me? - Tina?

We're waiting for an annulment.

That's why we're here together. We're engaged.

Congratulations.

So, Guido baby, cooking up something good?

Sure is the ideal place to do some thinking.

This is the writer Daumier. This is Miss –

Pardon me, but your name again?

Nice to meet you. I'm a great fan of yours.

I'm flattered.

Are you an actress? Have I seen your picture somewhere?

An actress? Yes.

I have ambitions along those lines.

Actually, enormous ambitions,

but that's all they are for the moment.

She has a degree in philosophy. Allow me – Mario Mezzabotta.

I don't have a degree. I'm doing my thesis. It's a little different.

- And the subject? - A difficult one.

The solitude of modern man in contemporary theater.

Interesting subject. Right, Professor?

And what is the meaning behind the capricious apparitions

of the girl at the springs?

An offer of purity, of warmth to the protagonist?

Of all your story's overabundant symbols, this is the worst, and –

She didn't come. Just as well.

- Yak! How are you? - Not too bad.

- Did anybody recognize you? - I don't think so.

You brought all that luggage?

It's just five suitcases. Gowns take up so much space.

I brought one... you'll see. Did you get it all?

Carla, people go to bed early here. There's nothing going on.

But it's a fashionable spa. There must be some fashion shows.

Our hotel probably has a little nightclub, right?

Have you been a good boy? - Yes.

Listen, I couldn't actually get you a room in my hotel.

Besides, it's full of people who know me.

So I found someplace else. A wonderful hotel. Very charming.

What do you mean?

And how's this guy?

Sgulp?? Great.

You look a little pale. How come?

See, the hotel's right there.

Signora, guests.

As I said, it's not... but it's very quiet.

If you're hungry, I'll have some sandwiches brought up.

It's a little gloomy down here.

No, it's picturesque.

And I'm hungry. You had lunch, but I didn't.

Hello, sir.

How's the solitaire?

Everything's ready – the room, the bathroom.

Rest assured. Signora will feel at home.

Thank you. Would you have anything to eat?

- The bathroom? - Over there.

I'll see to it personally.

The train is horrible. It leaves your hands so black.

Happy I'm here? - Of course.

- Very happy or a little happy? - Really happy.

What a nice smell!

I was sure this black velvet was going to wrinkle.

Really? Good.

But not a crease, even after a three-hour trip.

You didn't even say if you like it. Don't you like it?

What a beautiful lady!

So elegant.

That thing on her head – is it ploosh?

That's right. Plush.

It took forever to find it. I was quite desperate.

But you know me. When Carla sets her mind to something –

- Snarp! - Sgulp!

I read a good Donald Duck last week. There was a dinosaur –

Here they are, my little sweet buns.

Guido, be good.

What do you have in mind?

Have you really been a good boy? - Of course.

Anyway, Sweet-buns is hungry.

Oh, my wedding ring.

Listen, Guido, about that little thing you promised –

What little thing?

Just wait – now she'll bring up her husband again.

Don't think so? You'll see, old Snaporaz.

Poor Luigi doesn't seem happy at all.

You know, my husband's not the pushy type.

That sort of thing depresses him.

He's not stupid, you know. He's actually very smart.

It's so hot here.

He knows all of Roman history by heart.

He just needs a push.

He's still working at the fuel company for the same salary.

Really?

Careful with that purse. You'll break it.

I love that little purse. He gave it to me.

Why don't you find him a job?

You know so many people. You've promised so many times.

I even had a dream about it.

I dreamed that you found him a job,

but he lost his mind and killed us both.

- Who? - You and me.

You know where we were?

That little street behind Via della Croce, where I bought you

the same tie your wife did, remember?

I never knew if you were wearing hers or mine.

There we were on a cot, in each other's arms, naked...

and he came in and killed us both with a broom.

Make it a little darker.

That's it.

Now go out into the hallway for a minute,

then pretend you've entered a stranger's room.

What fun! We've never done this one.

Hold it there. Let me look at you.

No, your makeup has to be more –