Samuel the Boy Prophet

Welcome back, Kevin.

FYI, it's sample day.

The conference room is humming with pudding right now.

- Nice. - Mm-hmm.

Good to be back.

Oh! Only one per employee.

- You already had yours. - Oh.

I thought with your head injury, your system couldn't handle pudding.

You can get yours, Audrey.

Banana's the best. Kevin had that.

No thanks, Ricky. I'm not in the mood today.

Hey, what's her deal?

She hasn't even looked at me.

Is she upset that I'm looking for another job?

I assume that you told her as well.

Yes, I did.

But no, she doesn't care.

Oh.

She's upset for a mystery reason.

But my network is all over it.

Shondra said that yesterday Audrey was really happy,

and she had a new manicure and haircut.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

That's it? That's the whole thing? No details?

She got it done at the pricey place in Encino

by the guy who looks like Pax Jolie-Pitt.

Okay.

And yesterday, Ned said he saw her speaking on the phone

in a very animated fashion.

And yet, this morning,

She came off the elevator and was hardly cheery.

It's gonna be a hot one today.

If one more person says that to me, I'm going to smash their face in the copier!

And Alice said she threw a small silver object in her top drawer yesterday.

Unclear what it was,

but I'm guessing oyster fork.

Okay, so we've got a secret silver object,

a good mood, a bad mood, and a haircut.

It's very clear what's going on here.

What?

I have no idea. You've given me nothing.

- (theme music plays) - (scoffs)

Something's up with Audrey and Brock.

I was snooping around her desk the other day,

and found something very interesting.

Ooh, a pregnancy test with a plus, like, really clear?

No, a mystery ring.

Two dolphins touching noses.

But Ricky thinks it's way more than that.

The dolphins may say swimming in paradise,

but her behavior says trouble in paradise.

Maybe I should make a move?

Jeez, do you never learn?

I mean, you've had endless humiliation with this girl starting with that letter,

and now what's the latest thing? You pull her away from a moving car?

God, if you can't get a girl to like you after that, I don't know what to tell you.

Move on to men, maybe?

I don't know, I'll keep thinking.

Well, I'm gearing up my body for the move to Italy.

Woke up 15 minutes ago and a full-bodied Chianti is about to be my breakfast.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I might have a reason to stay.

- What? -Yeah, Audrey. He's back on it.

Ooh, you should join a cult!

I mean, you have to share women, but some's better than none, right?

Wait a minute, I thought we were as good as gone?

I mean, I looked into housing already.

When you say "looked into..."

Yeah, like, I... put the deposit down.

It's an old bell tower, you know?

I figured that you and I would have a blast ringing that sucker, so...

Guys, I have been offered the job in Italy, yes,

but I haven't taken it yet.

I bet I can buy a couple of days before I have to officially accept it or not.

So, you know,

maybe I mysteriously lost my passport?

Wait a minute, I thought Audrey wasn't even talking to you?

For some reason...

Stay away from my brother.

So Audrey did come to the hospital.

How did you know about that?

Oh, I thought you were Kevin.

No, no. No, no. I'm just here to pick up his homework.

Well, his work to do at home.

It's not called homework. I know that.

Um, is there a guidance counselor I can ask about this?

How is he?

I assume it's okay to ask you.

Roxie only threatened me about not talking to Kevin.

Hmm?

She has a boyfriend, Kevin.

I told her to stop messing with you,

because nobody mistreats my brother but me.

She cared that I was hurt. This... this... this is huge!

I mean, and now there's potential trouble with Brock?

I should definitely be making a move. Brian, what do you think?

I... I was actually really looking forward to moving to Italy.

But, this is huge for you.

And it kind makes living in a bell tower look a little silly.

It looked a little silly anyway.

But I know, I'm just trying to justify the hasty deposit, Kev.

But you got my back on this?

If I have a shot, I need to take it now.

Man, you know I'm always Team Kevin.

Okay, okay, stop, stop! This is crazy. Okay?

I won't let you make a move

until we know for a fact what's going on with Audrey and Brock

if you want to keep that little bit of micro-pride that you have left.

So, you really wanna do this?

I have to.

Okay.

Well, you know, I'm Team Kevin, too.

Can I get a "K"?

- K. - K.

Can I get a "E"?

- E. - E.

- Can I get a V... - Okay.

It's "Kevin." We know how it ends.

Daddy, this restaurant is sublime.

Thank you for inviting me. I can see why it's your favorite.

Of course, sweetheart.

- Now... - And you look faboo.

Now, Patti, I want to talk to you about something serious.

Anyway, I think I'm gonna get mine to go.

Excuse me.

Patti, sit.

I'm concerned about you.

You're living your life like that crazy pear-shaped girl who's always naked on HBO.

I want you to embrace adulthood. I want you...

to get a job. Something you love.

But what can I do that involves long scented

baths, shopping, "Real Housewives," and tapas?

I don't know.

But, if you don't do as I ask,

- I'll be forced to cut... - Don't.

- You off. - Don't. Don't.

Don't!

I'm sorry, sweetheart, but it's for your own good.

Oh, Kev, you're finally home.

Team Kevin has this so under control, it is not even funny.

Yeah, nothing funny about this.

No, it's cool, huh?

I got the idea from my show.

We always uncover a setup like this when we catch a stalker.

Not that we're calling you a stalker.

Right. Because I'm not.

Because you guys put this together, not me.

Oh, look, she got takeout, and then she recycled the containers.

You can tell 'cause it's the same containers.

Okay, um...

So, later, I'm gonna meet with Brock, Roxie's gonna meet with Audrey,

we're gonna report back what we learned.

Right, in the meantime,

I am going to hold off the Italians

until I have enough info to either stay or go.

Don't worry, Kevin. We're gonna figure out what's going on with your girl.

Yeah.

"My girl."

I could get used to the sound of that.

The stalkers on our show always say the same thing.

Yeah, but not as creepy.

Thanks for coming here.

I just need to take my mind off getting a job.

Well, this is the place to feel better.

There's always someone worse off than you at the mall.

I know, people here look so sad.

Like, they're dead and going to heaven in slo-mo on the escalator.

Oh, god, send that one to the down escalator.

Excuse me, can I help you?

No way. You'll turn me into the ghost of Christmas 1985.

What is that eye shadow?

She said it was retro chic?

It's retro making my skin crawl.

And the monkey in Lion King has a more skilled hand at applying it.

Here. Move, sister.

You have a beautiful face.

But we need to emphasize the "wow" aspects,

and hide the "whoa" aspects.

What are you doing?

Everything you couldn't, sunshine.

You're basically translucent, so we need to add some color to your skin.

You're like see-through,

like a Ziploc bag with eyes.

Like, I almost didn't see you. It was just eyes and teeth.

Like an ice cube, but like, not as dark.

Yes. Yes.

Excuse me, you don't work here.

No, I'm just letting off some steam

and trying to prevent the mental breakdown of this woman.

With some contouring and some neutrals,

I'll make her human again.

Do you want to work here?

"Want" is a strong word,

but I'll take it.

Hey, fellas.

Um, I'm Brian.

Um, I'm interested in joining your group

as I too, practice in the ancient martial art of jiu-jitsu.

Welcome. You're just in time to grab a partner.

We're working on under-arm collar chokes.