Run The Burbs

Hey, babe,

Remember the night we ran out of condoms?

I did the ol' pullaroo.

Yeah. I'm five days late.

Oh, no!

Oh! Why, god, why?!

yeah.

go, go, go, go, go, go.

anything?

- Camille: I got nothing! - Be right back.

- Andrew? - Okay! I'm coming! I'm coming!

Okay. Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug it! Chug it!

Go! Go! Go, pee! Pee! Pee! Pee! Pee!

What did you do?!

uh...

Setting the timer.

- Now, what? - Now, we wait.

- Yeah. - Okay.

Both: 55, 54, 53,

52, 51, 50...

Been a while since we needed

Our waiting for a pregnancy test kit.

Camille: Seriously.

I mean, this fruit leather, I think was just fruit.

We both need to think positive thoughts.

Wait. Negative thoughts.

Yeah, no, we're not having a baby.

I mean, I do love babies and dadding.

- And you're good at it, babe. - Aww...

Helping small people become big people, nothing more rewarding.

Uh-huh.

Work isn't exactly fulfilling right now.

My only win this week was cancelling a meeting

About how we don't need so many meetings.

Okay, no. Nuh-uh.

We are not having this conversation, okay?

I spent my 20s parenting young kids,

And now that they're older, I have some of that freedom back.

Yeah, but babies...

Are so wonderful. But now, it's time to live!

- Negative. - Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! Yes!

You're forgiven... This time.

- I must be late from stress. - Well, you're juggling a lot,

With cam pham eats and cookbook promotion.

You know, there is a way

To never have a pregnancy scare again,

But the balls are in your court.

Meet in one hour. Need to talk.

Smiling face with a single drop of sweat emoji.

Send.

Is that aftershave I smell?

Yeah, I shaved my beard.

Without me?! Let me look.

Hmm...

No nicks. Impressive.

I watched a tutorial. Can you let go of my face?

Oh... My little boy shaving his wisps.

Don't make it a thing.

I don't have to. It already is.

Ugh.

Oh, hey. I need to borrow the van.

I gotta pick up some ingredients for an event tonight.

Oh, I was going to go garage sale hunting

After meeting up with the guys.

Valentina and I have plans.

Isn't Sunday my day to borrow the van?

Uh-oh.

Guess what it's time for?

Both: Three-way thumb war.

One, two, thumb war.

Wait. Go the other way.

- Ahh! - Aah...

In your face, motherthumbers.

What? I'm competitive. We know this.

Andrew: Okay, hear me out.

Maybe it's time for a second vehicle.

Ugh, I wish we hadn't sold the sports car.

Oh, proposal.

Okay, as you know, I've been saving up for a used car,

But what if we split the cost?

Then, you two would have a second car when you need it,

And I could use it to hang out with my friends.

Oh, going in on a major purchase with our kid, so grown-up.

Yeah, dad, I may only be living at home for another year.

Yes, yes, the kids are growing.

Okay, this car idea, I like this plan.

- You got a deal. - Nice!

Mom-- mom, you won.

Sorry. Instinct. Okay, bye.

Can we get a ride?

I've called the boba boys together to discuss

An important life decision.

Is it whether to start a cult?

What? No, I'm never doing that.

Me neither.

Okay, what's going on buddy? You seem anxious.

Have either of you had a vasectomy?

All right, early Sunday morning crotch talk.

I have not, but I've thought about it.

It might be time for me.

For a long time, the birth control fell to camille,

Which was a lot.

We switched to condoms,

But we're ready for something more permanent.

I had a vasectomy. Best decision I ever made.

- Really? - Yeah,

Especially since I was a sperm donor for decades upon decades.

I probably have scores of children out there,

Looking for their papa.

This is great, an expert.

So, be real with me, does it hurt?

It's a total nothing-burger.

You'll be in and out of the clinic in, like, 30 minutes.

If you want,

I got a guy, one call...

...I can get you in.

Uh, this guy, is he a doctor?

You'll love him, he's the best.

That didn't answer my question.

I gotcha.

You really doing this?

Yeah, time for me to man up and give my wife and I

The freedom to bone at will. You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

Well, congrats, man.

Way to take the bull by the cojones and then just...

...Snip them off.

I'm officially saying no to baby-related backaches,

Sleepless nights,

And diaper changes where you need a hazmat suit.

Hell yeah, never any of that again.

You want in on this? We can get the snip together.

Maybe.

I mean, like, okay, now,

We're in a new chapter of our lives now, right?

And the kids are growing up.

We need to move forward, not backward.

We'll be the snip brothers.

Snip brothers. Okay, let's do this!

Yeah, I got two live ones here.

You're welcome.

He can squeeze you in tomorrow.

Okay, so, what are on your used car must-haves?

- My top things are... - Mm-hmm.

...Low mileage, dual airbags, and of course, abs.

Wow, very, um, safety-focused.

Yeah. Aren't you?

Hundo p. But surely, we can find something safe and fun.

Well, I think that we should get a hybrid.

If we are gonna get a second car,

We should at least try and reduce the environmental impact.

Right. Yeah. No, that's all very, um...

It's very mature.

I am practically an adult, mom.

What do you think would be on my list? A sunroof and subwoofer?

No!

Okay, so we'll start our search tomorrow after school,

And I'm sure we can find some middle ground.

Okay, what's on yours?

Um, just-- just words.

I mean, are we rushing this?

What if I date someone younger and she wants to have kids?

How young we talking?

Well, on the dating app I put 28 to 50.

Damn!

Fisherman of love has gotta cast a wide net.

You, uh, getting cold feet or, uh,

Cold... Something else?

I don't know. I'm just thinking about

How much fun it was when mannix was little.

You know that stage where everything is new to them?

They're so innocent.

The littlest, most ordinary things

Fills them with such wonder.

One time, khia ate a bottle cap because it was shiny.

They need you so much because you protect them from the world.

Then, I held her by her feet and shook the bottle cap out of her.

Anyways...

I'm just taking left turns down memory lane.

- Yeah. - But we're men

And we're moving on to this new phase of our lives.

Yes.

We'll save thousands of dollars on condoms

From the bulk emporium.

Thousands? Totally.

Let's do this.

Good luck, buddy.

See you on the flippity snip side.

Okay! I mean, I think this is it.

It's a hybrid, it's got all the safety features.

But it's $8,000 and our budget is $7,000.

Okay, the tag is the cost for suckers.

Remember your haggling lessons.