National Lampoon's European Vacation

It's time for America's favorite game show:

Pig in a Poke.

Pig in a poke It pays to be a glutton

Pig in a poke

Oink! Oink! Oink!

Pig in a poke You could win all or nothing

Pig in a poke

Oink! Oink!

So let's meet our current champions...

...the Griswalds.

And here's the star of our show:

Kent Winkdale.

Well, Clark, it's time for your big decision.

Are you gonna keep what's in the poke...

...or are you gonna risk everything and go for the big prize?

Johnny, remind our good folks what they have already won.

A supercharged Honda 750 motorcycle.

A dream kitchen with brand-new major appliances.

And for Clark, the king of the family...

...a 1 0-year supply of Regal Car Polish...

...the car wax of royalty.

But first, Clark...

...why don't you remind our audience who you are and what you do.

Okay, Kent. l'm Clark W. Griswald.

I'm in food additives and condiments, not preservatives.

Not preservatives.

What about the family, Clark?

This is my wife, Ellen, my son, Rusty, and daughter, Audrey.

Hello, Ellen.

Hi, Rusty.

And Audrey.

Well, Clark...

...you've won some fantastic prizes.

You wanna keep them...

...or you wanna risk everything and be a pig?

AUDlENCE : Be a pig. Be a pig.

-Be a pig. Be a pig. -Oh, boy.

Clark, let's just keep what we have. I love the Señor Cappuccino.

Dad, don't do it. Nobody ever wins the grand prize.

Kent, we've decided.

Oink, oink. We'll be pigs.

Aah! No!

So long, motorcycle.

Well, you're very brave. I wish you luck.

And now, a fantastic surprise.

Back by popular demand, the all-time winningest family...

...in the history of Pig in a Poke, the Froegers.

The Froegers. Clark, no one's ever beaten the Froegers.

Now, Mr. Froeger, why don't you tell us about yourselves.

I won my Nobel Prize in 1 967.

My wife won hers in 1 970.

Our son, Moe, has just been elected to the board of Microtech...

...that's a computer software corporation.

And our daughter, Ruth, she has just become...

...the youngest female ever to be accepted at Harvard Law School.

Good luck to all of you.

Now, let's take a look at our categories. Johnny....

"Pharmacology."

"American Explorers."

"Chronology of the Pharaohs."

"The Geography of the Brain."

And "History of Early Hungarian Cabinetmaking."

-Not bad. Back to you, Kent.

Froegers, since you're the challengers, you get to pick first category.

The one about Hungarians.

Nobody knows anything about Hungarians.

Well, l don't know. Kent, we'd like "The Geography of the Brain."

The question is:

"What are the pyramidal tracts?"

Five seconds.

I believe the pyramidal tracts are a housing development...

...outside of Cairo.

Too bad.

Froegers, quickly.

You are the champions if you get the correct answer.

Kent, the pyramidal tracts...

...are a complex of multisynaptic lower motor neurons...

...which interconnect the basal ganglia with the reticular formation.

I'm sorry, you said "lower" motor neurons.

The correct answer is upper motor neurons.

Upper. Upper.

Well, nobody wins. -Still in it. Still in it.

Froegers, select another category.

"Early Hungarian Cabinetmaking."

"Αmerican Explorers."

American Explorers. Griswalds.

In 1 804, an expedition explored an area...

...from the Louisiana Territory to the Pacific Coast.

For the grand prize...

...what lieutenant...

...led that expedition?

-l give up. -Wait a minute--

Quiet down. I think I got this one.

Five seconds.

-Come on, Dad. -Time's up, Griswalds.

Do you have an answer?

-Clark. -That's it.

Clark, of Lewis and Clark.

And the Griswalds are our grand prize winners.

-No, that was a mistake. -No.

She doesn't know that. It was a mistake.

Come on out here.

The Griswalds havejust won a fabulous European vacation.

We'll fly the whole family to London, England...

...where you'll start off on a two-week vacation extravaganza...

...you'll never forget.

"On to Germany, where you'll enjoy a fine meal at Dieter's on the Ruhr...

...and dance to the gay music of Esther and the Black Forest Girls."

I tell you, this is gonna be some vacation, huh, kids?

Yeah, Dad. Sure.

Come on, Rusty, give me a hand and set the table.

Mom, why can't Audrey ever do it?

Because Audrey has company.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

-Rusty, come on. -Wait a minute.

Clark. Russ, obey your mother.

Jack, I can't stand the thought of being away from you...

-...for a whole two weeks. -Well, it'll be like before we met.

Before we met, my life was horrible and meaningless...

...wasn't yours?

Yeah, sort of.

Okay.

Let's light them up.

Audrey, will you please eat something?

All right now, everybody. Let's listen up here.

Let's take a look at the map, go over our schedule here. Okay?

Now, the plane is gonna fly us from Chicago to London.

That's Madrid, Dad.

I think you're right, Russ.

This must be one of those old medieval maps.

-Yeah, right. -Dad, l've made a decision.

I can't leave Jack, and besides, the food in Europe is fattening.

Yeah, and I like her thin. She eats too much.

Clark, why don't you and l just go alone?

It's obvious that the kids don't even wanna go.

Of course they wanna go.

We're a family. We're going to Europe as a family.

-Don't we have a say in this? -l think we should have a vote on it.

Okay, l can be big about this.

Form now on, we're a democracy. Everybody gets a vote.

Who's gonna be president?

All right, we'll vote on that. We'll have a secret ballot here.

You write down your choice.

Give it to your mother.

Here you go, Russ.

This'll be for the president...

...of the Republic of Griswald.

All right, that's one for Clark.

One for Rusty.

One for Jack.

-One for Clark. -Okay, that's two for Clark.

Now, as president of the Griswald Republic...

...l move we go to Europe.

Jack, you wait here.

Oh, Clark. Oh, what are you doing?

Just a little memento before we go away, honey.

-l just got the kids. -No, no, no.

I don't want anyone to see me like this.

Don't be silly. No one's gonna see you.

Honey, remember that song you did in college in that musical...

...that dance thing?

No. I'm not gonna do that. No, Clark, l'm not doing that. No.

Honey, you know l'm gonna erase this.

-Really? -Yeah. Come on.

What do you say?

Okay, okay. You go over here.

I'm ready, honey. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Okay.

The minute you walked in the joint

I could see you were A man of distinction

A real big spender

Good-looking

So refined

Wouldn't you like to know What's going on in my mind?

So let me get right to the point

I don't pop my cork For every guy I see

Hey, big spender

Spend A little time with me

Don't stop, honey.

So sexy. l love you.

Jeez, this Pig in a Poke itinerary is just great.

You know they've worked it out to the exact minute?

-We won't miss a thing, honey. -Clark...

...why don't we just forget their itinerary...

...and play it by ear? Like normal people.

Honey, we're not normal people. We're the Griswalds.

Oh, kids. l've saved the big surprise for last.

-We're turning around and going home? -No, no, Audrey.

We're visiting my relatives in Germany.

Not if we don't vote for it.

-You'll vote for it, Russ. -Why should l?

Because I just raised your allowance, that's why.

I think I'm gonna like this democracy stuff.

-Would you like something to drink? -You want something?

-No. No, thank you. -l'll have a Coke.

Do you want that in the can?

No, I'll have it right here.

Honey, push "French."

-Give me a French word. -Soufflè.

Soufflè. All right.

Push "English."