Cobra Kai

This is it, folks.

The moment we've all been waiting for!

Returning to defend his title, from Cobra Kai Karate, Miguel Diaz!

Get ready.

It's karate time.

Face each other. Bow.

Face me, bow.

Ready? Fight!

Miguel!

It was two weeks ago today at West Valley High,

where what can only be described as an all-out karate riot

caught students and faculty off guard, sending shock waves through the Valley.

We got enough to worry about these days.

Now I gotta worry about karate gangs in the schools?

Yeah, I heard there was a karate attack at the mall a couple of months back.

I thought karate died out in the '80s.

Earlier today, students organized a peaceful gathering of prayer and song.

Tonight, West Valley High administrators are holding a community meeting

to answer questions and help settle fears.

He's still here. It's been 4 hours. He's starting to creep out the customers.

Well, tell him it's time to go.

I gave him the bill two drinks ago.

Now he's refusing to pay.

Said he didn't order Coors Light, he ordered Coors "Banquet."

All right. I'll handle this.

Sir?

It's time to settle your tab and move on.

Light beer is for pussies.

Do I need to call the cops?

I don't know, do you?

Police are still looking for Robby Keene,

who ran away after kicking fellow student Miguel Diaz off a second-floor balcony,

landing right here on this staircase.

Keene, has since been expelled.

Diaz, meanwhile, remains in a coma at West Valley General.

- Doctors say his prognosis... - ...just over Anderson...

- Hey! I was watching that. - I'm sorry.

I didn't realize it was your TV, homey.

Change it back.

It's the bottom of the ninth.

You wanna see the news, check your phone.

I don't have a phone.

Threw it away.

Look at this guy...

When's the last time you showered, cabrón?

You smell like a piece of dog shit took a dump.

- He's having a great season so far... - Change it back.

Bro, you're at a bar. People wanna watch the game.

They don't give a shit about no weather report and some coma kid.

He's got all of it, and it's a high fly to center field...

And it's gone!

- That's what I'm talking about! - Yeah, man!

Let's go, dude.

Here you go, homey.

Oops! That's my bad.

- What a loser. - Let's go.

Are you crazy, you think I would leave my car here?

- Hey. - This is my princess.

Okay, what do you want to do?

You wanna head home or you wanna hit up Jelly's?

Does it matter?

You're still going to end up whacking it alone in the shower.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Kicking your ass.

Oh, shit!

Call the police.

You're dead, amigo.

We're not leaving here without an explanation.

I can't believe they have the gall to suspend Sam for two weeks.

I'll tell the school board how incompetent they are. Heads will roll.

At least they expelled the girl who started it.

Expelled? Bitch should be in Shawshank.

- Calm down. - "Calm down"? Everyone is against us!

The dealership is a ghost town.

- It's not that bad. - Yes. It is.

Daniel, our name is poison.

Turns out "kicking the competition" isn't a cute tagline

when your karate student literally kicks the competition over a railing.

Look... I'm sorry.

I'm a little on edge right now. Okay?

No.

I'm sorry.

I got us into this.

I promise I'll find a way to get us out.

Okay? Come on.

People, please take your seats.

Thank you all for coming.

Everyone at the school board cares about the safety of our students...

- Where the hell were the teachers? - We feel your frustration.

But the NEA guidelines are quite clear

no teacher can get between two students fighting.

What about the neckbeard teacher who attacked the kids?

- Mr. Stingray never worked here. - What?

Last we heard...

Last we heard,

he's on probation and not allowed within 500 feet of any child.

How do we know this isn't gonna happen again?

We have a new initiative called Hugs Not Hits.

It's like D.A.R.E., except it actually works.

So your solution is to hug kids?

Actually, they would hug each other.

What Counselor Blatt is trying to say is no more karate.

- Zero tolerance from here on out. - Wait.

You don't need to turn this into some kind of karate Footloose.

Karate is not the problem.

When I went to school here, I was bullied, and karate saved me.

Bullshit! I heard you were the real bully!

Parents, please! Can we please...?

We're trying to move on and handle this with the most appropriate response.

I'm sorry.

Tell me how it's appropriate our daughter got suspended

while a dime-store Freddy Krueger nearly tore her face off?

'Cause she was tramping around with that other girl's boyfriend!

Okay. No, that's...

- Excuse me? - Who said that?

Our daughter was not responsible for any of this.

Don't get all high and mighty, LaRusso.

You're the one who taught these kids that Miyagi crap.

It was your student who hurt Diaz.

You reap what you sow.

- Shut up, LaRusso! - Hey.

No, no. Come on! We gotta stay composed.

Everyone, please take a seat, please.

All right.

Settle down, please, everybody.

Hey, blondie.

That look infected?

Morning, Lou.

Here.

What do we got here?

"Drug addict, drug addict."

Holy shit.

Applebee's guy?

What is it with you and shitty chain restaurants?

You know...

happy hour's supposed to be happy.

Wait a minute.

Your son's the one that kicked that kid off that balcony.

Guess the garbage doesn't fall far from the truck.

Robby's nothing like me.

- He's a good kid. - He's a fugitive.

Yeah?

Then why are you sitting around here talking?

Shouldn't you be out there looking for him?

Robby made a mistake. Shouldn't mean his life is over.

Tell that to the kid he killed.

"Killed"? What do you mean, killed?

Something happen to Miguel?

I ain't a doctor.

But after two weeks in a coma, the coma usually wins.

- Hey, guys. - There's the man.

- All right. This is the year. - How's it going?

Day one, round two. Let's get it, boys.

Ooh. Freshmen babes, 11 o'clock.

Hey, ladies.

I know freshman year can be kind of scary.

So if anybody gives you any trouble, just come to me. I'm the guy.

Who wets the bed and got kicked into that trophy case?

Yeah, we know.

Oh, shit.

Hey, Demetri!

Someone knows who I am.

A human female.

You're famous now, Meat.

Got something to say?

Yeah.

Check out my new Lit book.

A lot of hard-hitting shit in here, you know what I mean?

All this security isn't enough to protect your scrawny ass.

I don't need security.

Everything all right here?

Oh! We're all buddies here.

- Isn't that right, fellas? - Yeah.

Don't you all have somewhere to be?

Yes, Counselor Blatt.

'Sup, front wedgie?

What happened to this place?

I go to Paris for one summer and the losers are running the school?

I'd be a little nicer.

Half the kids in school know karate now.

- Does that make Aisha queen bitch? - You didn't hear?

After the fight, her parents moved her to a private school.

They even put their house up for sale.

At least there's some good news.

Maybe for you.

I feel bad for Sam.

Her and Aisha were friends since they were little.

Thanks.

There she is.

Robby, what did you do?!

Whoa. Easy there, Captain Marvel.

Same team, remember?

I have to go.

Please. I really need to find him.

His name is Robby Keene. That's K-E-E-N-E.

Or possibly a John Doe.

All right. Thank you.

Well, that was useless.

Nothing at the hospitals?

No, and the homeless shelters were a dead end too...