Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Woman: breakfast, Mr. Smith.

Well, what are they doing?

She's under the bedclothes,

and he's playing cards.

You didn't look through the keyhole.

You can't see anything anyway.

I only listened.

Smith residence.

No, Mr. Custer, they haven't come out yet.

Well, they just opened the door for breakfast now,

but they didn't let out any dishes.

I'm running out of dishes.

Well, they've been in there 3 days already.

What's the longest they've kept this thing up?

8!

Has Sammy gotten there yet?

He's just come in.

It's Mr. Custer.

Yes, Mr. Custer?

Now, listen, Sammy,

that paper's gotta be signed.

So don't you leave there till it is signed, understand?

I'm depending on you, Sammy.

I'll come back with it signed, Mr. Custer.

Take me to the room.

Mr. Smith?

Mr. Smith, it's me Sammy, from the office.

Sammy: Mr. Custer says you'll have to sign this.

We can't keep postponing the case.

Push it under the door.

I'm putting it under the door, Mr. Smith.

See.

You signed it in pencil.

Smith: I haven't got any ink.

It's no good in pencil.

Well, then go over it with a pen.

But that's forgery!

No, it isn't.

Anyway, nobody'd know.

But, Mr. Smith,

I take my bar examination next June.

I could get into trouble.

Give me a pen.

Thank you, Mr. Smith.

Thought I left, huh?

What would you do if I walked out that door?

Leave me?

Forever?

As long as we live, we must never change that rule.

That's right.

You know, if every married couple had it,

there'd never be a divorce.

They ought to put it in the marriage ceremony.

You are not allowed to leave the bedroom after a quarrel

unless you've made up. Well, that's simple.

Eventually you'd have to make up.

Most men can't afford to stay away from the office

3 days at a crack.

Remember the 8-day session?

And the 6?

Yeah, there were 2 6s.

2?

One Christmas week and, uh...

The other one the weekend of the Yale game.

That was really 5 and a half.

We started in the afternoon.

How about some breakfast, woman?

Ain't we manly?

We've got respect for each other as persons.

That's our big trick. Mm-hmm.

Man and woman, all right.

But person to person, that's important in a marriage, too.

Mm-hmm.

Make like this.

You know, I think we'd be friends

if we were men or women, don't you?

Mm-hmm.

Respect for each other as individuals,

that's what counts.

To always tell the truth,

no matter what the consequences.

You know, I think if we told each other just one lie

we'd have to admit we failed, wouldn't we?

Mm-hmm.

And what would we have left?

A marriage like other people's.

Doubt, distrust,

going on with each other because it's the easiest way.

Mm-hmm.

Your barber's shaving you too close.

I wish you'd talk to him.

Mm-hmm.

You know, it was all my fault.

No, my dear, it was mine.

It was my fault, dear.

Uh-uh. mine, darling.

I shouldn't be jealous so much

and I should, uh...

Lay off your family.

A wife should conduct herself to please her husband.

That's one of the rules I'm going to make.

Another one?

Mm-hmm.

What's the date today?

Uh, darling, I think I'd better be running along.

Oh, no, honey. Not just yet.

Remember rule number 7?

Yes, but I thought we'd given that one up.

It always got us into so much trouble.

If we ever give up one, that means we're giving up

just that much of our wonderful relationship.

That we're letting down.

You wouldn't want me to feel that, would you?

But those questions you ask each month.

About that trip I took to Paris

the year I graduated from college.

I was only 21.

Well, I forgave you that.

Shoot.

If you had it all to do over again,

would you have married me?

Honestly, no.

Not that I want to be married to anyone else.

But I think that when a man marries,

he gives up a certain amount of freedom and independence.

If I had to do it all over again,

I think I would stay single.

We wanted me to answer you truthfully

because we respect each other.

We're honest with each other.

Your feelings aren't hurt, are they?

No, no. It's perfectly all right.

That's enough of that.

I was getting into trouble.

I'm not angry in the least.

Oh, yes, you are.

You don't understand.

I was only answering a hypothetical question

of what I would do if I had to do it all over again.

David, if you want your freedom,

I don't want to be the kind of a wife

who clings to her husband when she's not wanted.

Darling, I do want to be married to you.

I love you. I worship you.

I am used to you.

How do we always get into these things?

Well, if my only hold on you

is that you're used to me.

Oh, darling, you've got the whole thing wrong.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

You are my little girl. I...

Now don't cry.

Don't cry.

Forgive me?

Say you forgive me.

Now can I go to work?

I'll come back early,

and I mean early.

Don't work too hard, darling.

Morning.

Good morning, Mr. Smith.

Good morning, Mr. Smith.

Well, morning, David.

Morning, Jeff.

Well, you know how she is.

You've got to humor her in these things.

Don't apologize to me, David.

I envy you from the bottom of my heart.

I wish I was in your shoes.

Yeah, she's a great kid.

It certainly piles up, doesn't it?

Yeah, what is it, sunny?

There's a Mr. Deever been waiting to see you.

He won't tell me his business.

He says it's something private.

Well, send him in.

Well, I'll leave you to your miseries, David.

What about lunch at the club, if you can make it?

I'll try and make it, Jeff.

Mr. Deever.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Uh, won't you sit down?

Uh...

What can I do for you?

Were you married in Beecham in march 1937?

Yes, I was.

Well, you know,

Beecham is on the other side of the river.

And it was always incorporated in Brender county.

But, you see, Brender county is in Idaho.

And so, uh...

Well...

You follow me, don't you?

Yes. Yes.

Well, we in Beecham found out we had no right

to be incorporated in Brender county.

Because, from the other side of the bass river,

we belong in Nevada.

Yes. Well, well, well.