The Birthday Party

Is that you, Petey?

Petey, is that you?

Petey?

What?

- Is that you? - Yes, it's me.

Are you back?

Yes.

I've got your cornflakes ready.

Here's your cornflakes.

Are they nice?

- Very nice. - I thought they'd be nice.

You got your paper?

Uh-huh.

Is it good?

Not bad.

What's it say?

Nothing much.

You read me out some nice bits yesterday.

Yes, well, I haven't finished this one yet.

Will you tell me when you come to something good?

Yes.

Is Stanley up yet?

I don't know. Is he?

I don't know.

I haven't seen him down yet.

Well then, he can't be up.

Haven't you seen him down?

I've only just come in.

He must be still asleep.

What time did you go out this morning, Petey?

Same time as usual.

Was it dark?

No, it was light.

Sometimes you go out in the morning and it's dark.

That's in the winter.

- Oh, in the winter. - It gets light later.

Oh.

What you reading?

- Someone's just had a baby. - Oh, they haven't! Who?

- Some girl. - Who, Petey, who?

- I don't think you know her. - What's her name?

Lady Mary Splatt.

I don't know her.

No.

What is it?

It's a girl.

- Not a boy? - No.

What a shame. I'd be sorry.

I'd much rather have a little boy.

A little girl's alright.

I'd much rather have a little boy.

I've finished me cornflakes.

- Were they nice? - Very nice.

I've got something else for you.

Good.

Here you are, Petey.

- Is it nice? - I haven't tasted it yet.

- I bet you don't know what it is. - Yes, I do.

What is it, then?

Fried bread.

That's right.

- Very nice. - I knew it was.

Oh, Meg...

two men came up to me on the beach this morning.

- Two men? - Hm.

They wanted to know if we could put them up for a couple of nights.

- Put them up? Here? - Yeah.

How many men?

Two.

What did you say?

Well, I said I didn't know and they said they'd come round to find out.

Are they coming?

Well, they said they would.

Have they heard about us, Petey?

Yes, they must have done.

Yes, they must have done.

They must have heard this was a very good boarding house.

It is. This house is on the list.

It is.

I know it is.

They might turn up today. Can you do it?

Oh, I've got that lovely room they can have.

You've got the room ready?

I've got the room with the armchair all ready for visitors.

- You're sure? - Yes.

That'll be alright then...

...if they come today.

Good.

I'm going to wake that boy.

There's a new show coming to the Palace.

On the pier?

No. The Palace, in the town.

Stanley could have been in it, if it was on the pier.

This is a straight show.

What do you mean?

No dancing or singing.

What do they do then?

They just talk.

You like a song, eh, Meg?

I like listening to the piano.

I used to like watching Stanley play the piano.

Of course, he didn't sing.

I'm going to call that boy.

Stan!

Stanny!

Stan!

I'm coming up to fetch you if you don't come down!

I'm coming up!

I'm going to count three!

One! Two! Three!

I'm coming to get you!

Come on! Get up, you naughty boy!

Come on, Stan, it's breakfast time! Come on! - Get out of here!

He's coming down.

I told him if he didn't hurry up he'd get no breakfast.

- That did it, eh? - And his cornflakes.

Morning, Stanley.

- Morning. - So he's come down at last, has he?

He's come down at last for his breakfast.

But he doesn't deserve any, does he, Petey?

Did you sleep well?

I didn't sleep at all.

You didn't sleep at all?

Did you hear that, Petey?

Too tired to eat your breakfast, I suppose?

Now you eat up those cornflakes like a good boy. Go on.

What are the cornflakes like, Stan?

Horrible.

Those flakes? Those lovely flakes?

You're a liar, a little liar. They're refreshing. It says so.

For people when they get up late.

- The milk's off. - It's not.

Petey ate his, didn't you, Petey?

- That's right. - There you are then.

Well...

I can see I'll have to go down to one of those smart hotels on the front.

You won't get a better breakfast there than here.

Here you are. You'll like this.

- What's this? - It's fried bread.

- I bet you don't know what it is. - Oh yes I do.

- What? - Fried bread.

He knew.

What a wonderful surprise.

- You didn't expect that, did you? - I bloody well didn't.

- Well, I'm off. - You going back to work? - Yes.

- Your tea! You haven't had your tea! - That's alright. No time now.

- I've got it made inside. - No, never mind. See you later.

- Ta-ta, Stan. - Ta-ta.

Tch, tch, tch, tch.

- What do you mean? - You're a bad wife.

I'm not. Who said I am?

Not to make your husband a cup of tea? It's terrible.

- He knows I'm not a bad wife. - Giving him sour milk instead.

- It wasn't sour. - Disgraceful.

You mind your own business, anyway.

You won't find many better wives than me, I can tell you.

I keep a very nice house and I keep it clean.

Yes! And this house is very well known, for a very good boarding house for visitors.

Visitors?

Do you know how many visitors you've had since I've been here?

- How many? - One.

- Who? - Me! I'm your visitor.

You're a liar. This house is on the list.

- I bet it is. - I know it is.

- Was it nice? - What?

- The fried bread. - Succulent.

You shouldn't say that word!

What word?

That word you said.

- What, "succulent"? - Don't say it!

What's the matter with it?

You shouldn't say that word to a married woman.

- Is that a fact? - Yes.

- Well, I never knew that. - Well, it's true.

- Who told you that? - Never you mind.

Well, if I can't say it to a married woman who can I say it to?

You're bad!

What about some tea?

Do you want some tea?

Say please!

Please.

- Say sorry first. - Sorry first.

- No. Just sorry. - Just sorry!

- Oh, you deserve the strap. - Don't do that!

I brought the pot in.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

- You don't deserve it though. - Why not?

Go on. Calling me that.

How long has that tea been in the pot?

It's good tea. Good strong tea.

- That isn't tea. It's gravy! - It's not.

Get out of it. You succulent old washing bag.

I am not! And it isn't your place to tell me if I am!

It isn't your place to come into a man's bedroom...

...and wake him up.

Stanny!

Don't you like your cup of tea of a morning - the one I bring you?

I can't drink this muck!

Didn't anyone ever tell you to warm the pot, at least?

That's good strong tea, that's all.