The Suite Life on Deck

Ah, cody-- just the person I wanted to see.

I met this annoying girl in the teen lounge last night.

So?

So I got her number for you.

Why can't you understand that I'm just happy being alone?

Can't you see how happy I am?

Yes, I think you just spit some of your joy in my eye.

- Hey, guys. - Hey look, it's arwin.

Arwin, hey, what's up?

Well, actually, me. I'm on mr. Tipton's helicopter.

I'm coming to visit you guys.

Awesome. When are you coming onboard?

Now!

What? We're in the middle of the ocean.

Never fear.

I'm using a new device I invented for mr. Tipton.

It can safely eject you anywhere--

You know, for tax evasion purposes.

I'm basically in a giant rubber ball.

Arwin, that sounds kind of risky.

Oh, it's time to go. Okay, here we go.

Five, four, three, two, one!

Arwin, are you okay?

Sure. This thing's totally waterproof.

Mommy!

Arwin, always happy to see you.

But here's a thought-- maybe next time

You should just walk up the old gangplank.

Are you kidding? Those things are death traps.

Oh.

Arwin, so great to see you.

Hey, guys.

Your mom shows me pictures of you all the time,

But you can't hug a picture.

Well, you can, but the paper cuts are nasty.

- Oh, arwin! - London!

- Yay! Eww! - Sorry.

You're here to rescue me from the stupid sea school.

So long, suckers. Let's go, let's go.

Actually I'm not here to rescue you.

Rats.

So, arwin, what brings you here

Besides, you know, a giant bouncy ball?

Well, mr. Tipton has given me a very important job.

Agh!

I have created a super computer

That's going to automate the entire ship.

So now the "ss" in "ss tipton"

Is going to stand for "smart ship."

- Wow. - Awesome.

Uh-oh.

I'm gonna name it cal.

That must stand for computer-automated logistics.

Nah, I just like the name.

Oh! Now if you'll excuse me,

I have a fiddler crab in my underpants.

And he's fiddlin'.

Zack, we're in trouble. We need your help.

Okay, step one-- deny everything.

Step two-- if they don't believe step one,

Blame your twin.

No, we need you to tutor us.

Wow, you guys must be really desperate.

Not that kind of tutoring. We're both failing gym.

You'd think my shopping spree in paris would count.

I gave my credit card quite the workout.

And coach told me I don't get credit for crying

And rocking back and forth while being pelted with dodge balls.

Apparently we can still pass if we take some kind of health and fitness test.

We're only lacking two things-- health...

And fitness.

I'm telling you it's all bailey's fault.

But somehow I'm the jerk for planning the perfect anniversary

While she cavorts with some french guy.

Ah, women.

Too bad they don't come with clear instructions

Like these.

What am I going to do, arwin?

I'll never find another girl who I can relate to

On an emotional and intellectual level the way I did with bailey.

Well, time heals all wounds, cody.

It was the same thing with your mom,

But eventually I saw that there was no hope for us

- And I moved on. - You did?

No, I still love your mommy!

Maybe we should just focus on cal.

That's good idea, yes.

Okay.

So this system controls everything,

From the engines to the toilets.

Oh, by the way, if you have any flushing issues,

Just jiggle this knob right here.

I'll let woody know,

- If he ever flushes. - Okay.

Okay,

Let me introduce you to...

Cal!

Operating systems are online.

I think cal might be a girl.

Well, a little adjustment here and--

Callie.

All right, ready to work out?

I thought the walk here was the workout.

If you plan on passing p.E.,

You need to do some basic exercise.

All right? So let's start with the treadmills.

Oh, this is hard.

I haven't even turned it on yet.

I meant standing up.

So far I'm very impressed with callie.

The engines are running 20% more efficiently,

The temperature of the pool changes based on the climate we're in,

And it's as if the toilet knows you're done before you do.

I'll tell you what: If you like that, you're gonna love this.

See, callie controls every system on the ship,

Including the gym equipment. Watch this.

Callie, speed up treadmill two.

Speeding up treadmill.

What's happening?

The floor is moving.

Whoa!

What was that crunching noise?

My spine.

- Arwin. - Greetings, cody.

Callie, you know who I am?

Of course.

Arwin programmed me to recognize all passengers onboard

- In order to serve them more efficiently. - Wow.

You are intelligent, loyal, sensitive,

And you have a fear of penguins.

They're birds who swim but don't fly.

That's weird, right?

I agree.

Hey, cody. Hey, callie.

- Hey. - Greetings.

I just need to run a critical diagnostic.

Hmm.

Ooh, hot soup. Hot soup.

Super hot. Super hot.

You're welcome!

Arwin doesn't always appreciate

My personality matrix, but he loves my matzo balls.

Well, I think you're a remarkable piece of machinery--

A trillion terabytes, 500 gigahertz c.P.U.,

All wrapped up in a sleek titanium case-- whew.

Oh, go on.

You know, callie, if you were real,

You would be the perfect girl for me.

Ugh, time for my towel shift.

Can't you stay here, cody?

Trust me, I'd much rather hang out with you.

Wait, cody. Take some matzo ball soup to go.

It couldn't hurt.

Thank you, callie.

All right, let's try some sit-ups.

How the heck do you get out of bed?

A series of pulleys.

All right, london, it's your turn.

London, wake up.

I had this weird dream

That I fell asleep in a gym next to a walrus.

P.E. Is stupid.

How is this going to help us in life?

Yeah, just like math-- who needs that?

And english. I already speak it goodly.

Okay, p.E. Is the one class

That's actually worth something.

- All right, let's do some weights. - Okay.

A little help. A little help. A little help.

Okay. Okay.

Whoo!

Hey, it's getting easier.

I must be in shape.

Oh, woody, you're up.

Yeah, zack's making us get up at dawn and run around the ship.

It's 11:00.

And that's as close to dawn as I ever want to get.

Cody, I see you're back.

Callie?

I made you some brunch.

Callie, is that you?

Yes. I created this mobile unit

So we could spend more time together.

Am I aesthetically acceptable?

Absolutely. You're amazing.

Thank you.

Dude, the computer's hot.

And so are the muffins.

Those are for cody.

From a thorough study of your dietary preferences,

I knew to make your omelet with egg whites

And your bacon extra crunchy.

Oh, I don't eat-

It's turkey bacon.

Well, I'll be darned.

Tonight, I thought we could take a walk on the deck in the moonlight

And factor polynomials together.

That sounds really nice.

Hey, uh,

We're supposed to see a movie in the ship's theater, remember?