Good Luck Charlie

Subs created by: David Coleman.

Good morning, mom.

Oh. Gabe, honey. We need to talk.

Mom, I didn't do it! That Principal's out to get me.

It's not about the Principal.

Mom, I didn't do it! That teacher is out to get me.

Gabe! You're not in trouble.

Then why do we need to talk?

Well, it's about your dad.

Now you're aware that he occasionally snores, right?

Mom, the people across the street are aware.

Car alarms are aware.

Kansas is aware.

Well, obviously, I'm used to his snoring because I grew up next to train tracks.

But your father's been waking Toby up and I'm

trying to get the baby to sleep through the night.

How does this involve me?

We're going to have to temporarily change our sleeping arrangements.

Man, you're putting Toby in with me?

Not exactly.

Hey, roomie!

Today's all burnt toast running late and dad jokes.

"Has anybody seen my left shoe?"

I close my eyes, take a bite grab a ride, laugh out loud.

There it is up on the roof.

I've been there, I survived.

So just take my advice.

Hang in there, baby things are crazy.

But I know your future's bright.

Hang in there, baby, there's no maybe.

Everything turns out all right.

Sure life is up and down.

But trust me, it comes back around.

You're gonna love who you turn out to be.

Hang in there, baby.

There he is. Mister Victor Deleseur, ladies and gentlemen.

The smartest guy at South High.

What do you want, Teddy?

What? Do I always have to want something?

Can't I just invite you over as a friend to enjoy some...

Okay, so here it is.

Um, I'm taking the SAT this weekend and I really want to ace it.

And I you my help, since you know I scored a perfect 2400.

They actually did a feature story on me in "overachievers monthly".

Yeah yeah, I know. I cut it out and put it in my scrapbook.

- Really?! - No.

So, what do you say? Will you help me?

Under one condition...

If I tutor you, you have to agree to do whatever I say no matter what.

Fine.

Now just tell me what you want in return.

Do I always have to want something?

Can't I just do it out of the goodness...

Okay, here it is.

I want you to come to the park with me this Saturday.

Wait. You mean like a date?

I would never ask you out.

See, you have a boyfriend, I have a girlfriend and most importantly...

I have certain intellectual standards.

Insulted, yet relieved.

So what are we gonna do at the park?

I have a very important chess match and I'd like you to watch.

- That's it? - That's it.

There's gotta be some sort of catch.

No catch. Just chess.

Is chess a euphemism for something?

Like some sort of weird comic book role-playing thing?

No.

Okay. Fine.

If you tutor me, I'll come to the park and I'll watch you play "chess".

No, not "chess".

Just chess.

You mean, "chess".

No! Not "chess".

Just chess!

This may be the toughest tutoring I've ever done.

Oh, that is so yummy. Isn't it good?

Charlie, have you ever seen a cuter baby in your life?

- Yes. - Who?

Me.

You are your mother's daughter.

Hi, mom. Hi, Charlie.

PJ, I need your help.

Sure, mom. What can I do you for?

It's a fun little way of saying, "what can I do for you?"

Proceed.

Okay well, I really need to put Toby down for a nap.

But Charlie wants me to read to her. Can you do it?

Oh, yeah. Sure. I got time for a quick little... whoa! Hello.

- Charlie wants this book? - Would you rather change Toby's diaper?

Come on, buddy.

"The Littlest Unicorn".

"By Emily Prettyblossom".

- Yay. - Okay. Chapter one.

"Some people say that unicorns aren't real, but they are.

They hail from a magical place called Butterflylandia".

Oh, boy.

Keep going.

"This is the story of one of those unicorns, the littlest one of all".

"Her name was Junie. Her real name, that is".

"Her mean brothers called her "Junie the Puny Uni".

- That's not very nice. - No, it isn't.

Shh.

"One day, Junie and her family went to the meadow for a picnic".

"The meadow was right next to the dark forest, a place Junie was forbidden to go".

"But her curiosity got the better of her".

- Uh-oh. - I'm thirsty.

Suck it up. Junie's in trouble.

So, what's the answer?

Uh...

- "C"? - No no no, it's "B"!

Well, I was close.

Teddy, this is the SAT's, not horseshoes!

You know what? We've been going at this for a while.

Maybe we should stop.

Stop? But the test is Saturday. You can't stop now.

Let's move on to math.

- In a parallelogram... - Yeah, Victor.

I don't think I can study anymore. I feel like my brain is full.

That's the great thing about brains, they never get full.

Even smaller ones like yours.

Okay.

I'll have you know, my friends consider me very smart.

You mean like Ivy?

Well, and other friends.

You mean like Spencer?

Let's get back to work.

"And as the sun set on the dark forest, Junie realized she would

have to survive the night alone".

Are you scared?

No.

Me either.

Okay, bedtime.

Five more minutes. We wanna finish this chapter.

I'm sorry, honey. But Charlie needs to go to bed.

That's the kind of parenting that drove Junie away

from the green pastures of Butterflylandia.

Okay. Well, it's bedtime and I'm from the land of "I-don't-care-ia".

Come on, Charlie.

And don't worry. I won't read ahead without you.

Promise?

Promise. Good night.

Good night.

I said good night.

Oh.

Gabe.

Yeah, dad?

- You awake? - No, dad.

You wanna talk?

No, dad.

Your mom usually lets me talk about my day a little.

It helps me fall asleep.

Okay, dad.

How was your day?

Well, I was over at Mrs. Fisher's today...

Workin'.

Had to knock down so many spiderwebs.

She finally came up to me and she said, "Bob, did you miss a week?"

I said, "no, you just have a lot of spiders".

Good night.

Gabe?

Dad, if you can't sleep, just watch some TV.

But it's bedtime.

Is it?

Whoa! Whoa whoa!

TV after bedtime?

How often you do this?

Um...

This is, uh... this is my first time, dad.

Now, if the semicircle arc "AB" has the length six times PI.

And the circumference of the circle with the diameter "BC" is eight times PI...

What is the area of the shaded region?!

Um...

"B".

- Wrong! - Oh!

What are you doing?!

I'm giving you a punishment to train your brain.

Victor, I'm not...

A cat.

Well, of course not.

A cat could have solved that equation.

It's midnight. We're done working.

We're done? Just because...

"It's midnight".

Yes, that is what I said.

Just without the hurtful attitude.

Am I wasting my time here?

Do you want this?! I don't think you want this!

I don't want this.

Sit down and open that workbook.

That's it. We're done. You're fired.

- Fired? - Yup.

Terminated, dismissed, shown the door.

Ooh, we're working with synonyms.

Yes, we are. Now get out!

Exit!

Scram!

Man, watching infomercials.

I've got a kernel stuck in my tooth.

Doesn't get any better than this.