This Life of Mine (Ma vie Ma gueule)

Hmm. No.

Why pretend?

MY LIFE

Arial. OK, Arial, not bad.

Clean, straight, simple.

Is it clean or is it nothing?

I say clean, but... maybe it's nothing.

Arial Hebrew? Really?

Arial Hebrew Scholar?

Fine, OK. No comment.

An anorexic font.

Well, one that watches what it eats, at least.

A font that weighs itself every morning.

Avenir Black and Oblique. No. Thanks, but no.

Avenir Medium. Ah, yes.

Yes, yes.

Yes.

My life,

my face.

my life...

BANG!

Hi there.

Sorry, but I can't really talk.

Well, I'll let you go. Are you busy? What are you doing?

I'm at the gym.

Good for you. I don't know how you do it.

Every time I try to go, I stare at my stuff for three hours...

Wait.

-I'm putting my earphones in. -Okay.

-Can you hear me? -Yeah.

Yeah. I tell myself: "I'll make coffee.

"Come on, just a little coffee. " Can you hear me?

Hello?

Yes, can you hear me?

You're on your computer, watching your hammerhead sharks?

I'm watching music videos.

Julien Doré.

Ah, Julien Doré.

He's so cute with his hair clip.

What song is that?

Uh. "Love You Like a Lake."

Ah, "Love You Like a Lake."

With Pamela Anderson at the end,

she was good though.

I like "Coco Câline."

OK, I'll leave you to it. I'm ending my session.

I can't do it today.

I need to get home quickly to shower.

Oh really?

There's construction. They're cutting the water.

You never told me

how it went with your Italian.

Oh. No word back. It was doomed from the start.

Anyway,

it's really hard to meet men right now.

For two years, I tried,

the guy seems decent enough

and all that, when you meet him,

he always talks about his wife,

then his kids, then he asks questions:

"Do you like nature?

"Do you like reading?

"The last book I read was The Lost Estate, in 9th grade.

And it makes him laugh. You look at him and you're appalled.

No, I already checked.

What are you saying?

Nothing, I thought I forgot something at the gym.

Oh, damn.

But I didn't.

Are you on the street?

I'm almost home.

Did I tell you about Pépito? He's at the vet's.

Last night, he threw up.

I try to catch him, he won't let me,

he hides under the couch, scratches me.

I get to the vet's, the cat completely traumatized,

and the girl looks at me and says:

"Listen here, lady..."

I just got home, I really need to hang up.

Oh, okay. I'll let you go. Have the guys arrived yet?

Who?

I mean, the guys coming to cut off the water.

You said they were cutting off your water.

No, no. It's fine, I have time.

Makeup.

Hi, Barbie.

Yeah.

Forget it.

Have a good day, love.

...this girl who had very affected diction

and an extremely shrill voice, or nasal, or one of the two,

or both.

In any case, definitely exasperating.

I'd hear her say: "Oh, but that's not my nature.

"That's really not my nature."

She was always going on about her nature.

I didn't know if I even knew what my nature was.

I panicked.

I thought: "I'm 55,

"and I still don't know my nature."

I don't even know what that means.

She knows.

Do you know my nature?

Yes.

I wasn't expecting such a clear answer.

So this girl was talking to this guy,

a writer... much older,

and I couldn't tell if he wanted her

in his bed or in his book.

And she said...

she said...

Is this ostrich new?

I probably didn't want to see it.

Very well.

No, but because... ostrich, burying your head in the sand.

Very well.

But am I okay?

Yes. Yes, I'm fine.

Did you flush properly?

What?

Because it looked like you were checking

that you had flushed.

No, but it's... Good session.

Wait, what were you saying?

I said: "It's because she's all alone."

She has me.

I have you. She doesn't.

You're never here and you live at your dad's.

She has her Jean-Jacques.

Yeah, the guy she's not sleeping with.

How do you know they're not sleeping together? How can you tell?

Don't you remember we used to count the condoms?

The stock never went down.

Maybe he brings his own condoms.

Yeah, but honestly,

who'd want to sleep with her nowadays.

Honey.

-Mom? -Oh, well.

What are you doing here?

Hi, Marjolaine.

What are you doing here?

Well... I was passing by. I mean, I...

I just got here, wanted to sit down.

You're eating McDonald's?

Since when do you eat McDonald's?

It's a one-off, Rose. You hungry? Want some?

Do you want some?

Are you okay? Won't you tell me if you're okay?

You okay, honey?

Need some money?

I'm fine.

Where are you going?

You're not going to that shrink again?

No. No, I stopped. I'm much better.

Yeah?

I'm fine, Rose, really.

My mom and dad started doing yoga,

and it's really helping them.

If you want, I can... ask them for the number.

No, I'm good. Thanks though.

Your dad and mom, together?

Not everyone's separated like you, Mom.

Well...

But... I'm not separated, Rose.

From Dad? You totally are.

From Dad, yes. Yes, from Dad. But I mean,

if I fill out a form, for example, if I register,

I don't check "separated." Well, I don't anymore.

What are you talking about?

Census?

Have you been counted recently?

No, but it could happen,

at some point in one's life, being counted.

I don't know, Mom.

We have a DS, right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, we have DS.

-We have a test, Mom. -Yes.

Yes, sorry. A test, yes, yes.

Shall we kiss?

Do you know what a test is?

Well yes. Well, a test...

it's an assignment... an assignment...

a supervised test.

That's good, Mom. That's good.

The rats of the sky.

Yes, the rats of the sky.

I am French, actually.

Me too.

I know you're French.

In fact, you're Katerine Philippe.

Actually, it's the other way around, it's Philippe Katerine.

Oh yes, the other way around.

And you, you're... little Bichette Barbie.

What?

What did you say?

Well, the pigeons didn't leave you a single crumb.

A crumb, a crumb.

Yes, a crumb.

A nice little crumb, one last crumb,

another crumb.