Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, the Stars Desert Inn Hotel, Las Vegas,

presents the final performance

of the incomparable singing sensation,

Miss Deloris Van Cartier."

But my mama told me, you better shop around!

So that's what I did. I shopped.

I shopped and I shopped.

And I found something special.

I got myself a brand-new hustle.

See how they treat me? He got my cousin, he got my coat.

When I tried to get it back, he whipped out this...

Magic!

You know this song. Let's sing.

She's coming!

These are my friends. Ladies, sing this for me.

Come up and join us. Come on, come on. And hurry up. Ladies!

Look out!

What you doing?

Thank you!

You were fantastic!

Oh, my! Nice outfit.

Glad I didn't wear mine.

That last bit was great.

I'm a big fan. I got your album.

This is my manager, Joey.

- What do you want? - Are you represented?

They're nuns. God represents them.

Can God get you your own dressing room? You were great.

She taught me to sing.

I am so glad to see you guys. What are you doing here?

We came to see you.

Staying a long time?

We'll be back on the road tonight. We don't have any time to chat.

Maybe a little chat. But we do have to get back. We're teachers now.

It's all because of you. You inspired us to go out into the community

and do some good in the hood. Oh, my!

Can I get you guys something? Sit down.

Can they even hear you in the back of the room when you're teaching?

I'm getting better.

We're teaching at St Francis Academy in San Francisco.

I went to that school. It was... They need good teachers.

We're having a barrel of laughs.

Though the kids get a little unruly. Actually, they're out of control.

It was so bad, last week, Sister Mary Patrick frowned - twice!

- Let's get down to business. - Excuse me.

- Business goes through me. - No, excuse me.

These are my friends. I'm talking to them.

- I'm talking to my friends. - I'm your manager.

- Forgive us. Excuse me. - Go ahead.

Thank you.

You come up here, you come to see me. What's going on?

Does Mother Superior know you're here?

She sent us on this mission to...

We're not to come back without you.

What does she want?

We're not certain.

But she needs you and wants us to bring you back.

Is she OK health wise?

She's fine. She's a little desperate.

She's desperate?!

I'll get it! I'll get it!

- I'll take it. - What?

Sit, sit!

Welcome.

It's good to see you.

Sister Mary Claren... Oh, I do apologise. Deloris.

It's so good to see you too.

I'm sorry I couldn't join the sisters in Las Vegas.

I've heard you are truly a spectacle.

Well, I work at it.

You're probably wondering why I asked the sisters to bring you.

I am curious. What's all the mystery?

Well, you see, Deloris, we need your help here...

at St Francis.

We seem to have got in slightly over our heads.

What... do you want?

Help us by becoming a teacher.

A teacher? Me? Oh, no! I'm not cut out to be a teacher.

Who would I teach? What would I teach?

Teach the children. Teach music.

You weren't cut out to be a nun either, but at St Katherine's

you brought a new spirit into the convent and the community.

You were... infectious. You could be as infectious here.

You're making me sound like a disease.

We are struggling with a community that is tired, worn and despairing.

We saw this school as some sort of renewal.

But it's becoming a hopeless situation.

We have nowhere else to turn. We are desperate women, Deloris.

- We need you. - I'm...

Think of the children.

We must invest in their future. And who better to help us than you?

I'm a lounge singer.

You are the perfect example

of how a sow's ear can be turned into a silk purse.

Well, I probably wouldn't have put it quite like that.

I mean, my career's started to take off.

I want to get into my success.

A success you might not have had

without the help of supportive friends who shall remain nameless.

So you're gonna be like that with the guilt?

Guilt? I would never use guilt. I'm a nun.

All right, I'll do it for you.

Thank you. I knew we could count on you.

You're talking about a week?

I don't think we should restrict ourselves to a time frame.

Sisters!

Deloris has agreed to join our teaching staff.

Could you take her to the changing room?

Sure. Absolutely.

Tell me why I'm dressed like this again.

The fathers here are very strict.

If they found out you weren't a nun or a teacher, they might...

- Ask me to leave? - In a New York minute.

Now I'm undercover again.

- It could be fun. - Convent living's grim.

All I need's a bed and a place to kneel.

Wait till you see what we have in the room for you!

You didn't do something silly! What did you put in it, a bidet?

- A bi-what? - Never mind. What is it?

A watched pot never boils. Wait.

- Don't tell her. It's a surprise. - Oh, come on.

One, two, three.

Curtains!

Sometimes it resembles a battleground at recess.

Mostly, the kids are well behaved.

A new nun.

Sister Mary something or other. I'm terrible with names.

- Who was that? - The older one is our principal.

Father Maurice. The other is Mr Crisp.

He's only been here a few months.

I think I've seen her somewhere before.

Just long enough to hate us.

The kids call him the devil. He's just got the grumps.

I don't care who he is. I just want to put the top up on my car.

If there's a car left.

What did she mean? Is that a joke?

I'd like you to join me in welcoming the new addition

to the teaching staff, Sister Mary...

Clarence.

Who will be teaching our...

- Music. - Is there still a music class?

- In a manner of speaking. - Why is he asking that?

Sister Mary Clarence will be teaching our music class.

Now, I think each of you should introduce yourselves.

I'll start.

I'm Father Ignatius. I teach math.

I'm Thomas. Ave, magistra nova.

- Latin teacher. - Oh, good.

Excuse me.

This is Mr Crisp. This is Sister Mary Clarence.

Oh, yes, the new nun.

Sister Mary Clemens.

Clarence. Like in Thomas. I'm the music teacher.

The music teacher. Music?

You're gripping me.

Oh, yes. Sorry.

Yes, I just stopped by

to remind you of our meeting this afternoon.

Well, pardon the intrusion, and bon appétit.

Grüss Gott.

This is Father Wolfgang.

Who cooks so diligently to minister to our dietary needs.

For luncheon, Bratwurst à la Provence.

He only knows how to cook one thing. German sausage.

Liverwurst, Bratwurst, Bierwurst.

It's the worst!

Oh, no, no!

Jenny Craig. I just couldn't. Thank you.

This... needs a prayer.

Sister Clarence, I wonder if I could have a word with you in private.

No, I need to...

No, please.

Sure.

Thank you.

Won't you sit down?

The sisters tell me your last posting

was at a women's prison facility in the Louisiana bayou.

- What? - It wasn't?

No, no, it was, it was. Yes, of course.

The prison was really rough on me.

I'm trying to wipe this experience from my mind. It was so traumatic.

- Really? - Yes.

They led me to believe that you enjoyed it.

Well, yes, I did. It was a traumatic enjoyment of an experience

that I should not have had and appreciated because I'm a nun.

Nuns are not meant to have enjoyable experiences

because they lead to all kinds of situations,

which is why I'm here. I know you understand that.

Well, I do see what you mean.

I knew you would.

As I do with all my new teachers,

I'd like to share my theories about education,

gleaned from my years of experience as the principal.

I am an open book.

Discipline.

Anything else to go with that? That's it? Discipline?

Unfortunately, that's all we can expect here. Any questions?

No, I feel as though I have absorbed all I can from you.

Well, then.

I wish you good day...