Parks and Recreation

I mean, there were rumors that they were gonna

announce it next month, but they must have gotten impatient. Okay.

Whatever they say, we need to come up

with 10,000 possible responses to 10,000 possible scenarios.

Okay, just to remind you, I don't work for the National Park Service.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How are those scenarios coming?

Okay, look. Before we go in there, you need to know something.

- He's here. - Who's here?

The guy whose name you forbid me from saying out loud because it fills you with rage.

Look, I don't know who he's working for, but I guess he's part of one of the bidding groups.

Are you gonna be able to be civil in there?

I'm perfectly civil.

He's the stupid garbage-head doo-doo face.

Perfect.

Thank you all for coming.

I am Trevor Nelson, legal council to the Newport family.

The Newport family trust intends to sell a 25-square mile parcel

of pristine, undeveloped land containing Lake Eagleton and the Southern Indiana foothills.

Why now? The Newports have owned this land for 100 years.

Thanks to the recent economic boom in Pawnee, real estate prices are at an all time high.

And in the words of Jessica Wicks-Newport, heir to the entire Newport fortune, quote,

"It's time to trade those dumb, old trees for a butt load of cash."

It is. It truly is.

This land is begging to be a new national park.

And it's in my own backyard.

This could be my crowning achievement.

I could retire.

I mean, I wouldn't.

I'm gonna work until I'm 100 and then cut back to four days a week.

Oh, God, I'm already so bored thinking about that one day off.

Maybe I'll go to law school or something.

We will select the finalists from a set of initial sealed bids due at 5:00 P.M. tomorrow.

Good luck.

- Okay. - Cool.

- There he is. - What?

- Okay. - He's here?

- He is coming over. - I don't want to talk to him.

I should hide. No, he should hide.

He should run. He should run away.

He should hide his stupid face. He shouldn't be--

Hello, Ms. Knope.

Hello, former strange person I used to friend.

You're looking very... Ron-like.

- You have your same hair. - No, I don't. I have bangs now.

I've never known what bangs are, and I don't intend to learn.

Well, maybe you should!

I left the parks department two years ago.

Now I work in the private sector, running my own building and development company.

It's called Very Good Building & Development Company.

I wanted to convey the quality of our work without seeming flashy.

So your company is involved with one of the bidders?

Hell yeah, pimp!

He's on team Gryzzl now.

We, uh, hired his company to help plan and build our new Gryzzl campus.

Right here in town. Oh, and that land?

Oh, my gosh. It's perfect.

- The trees and rocks and sky. - Yes, the land has good sky.

This guy! He's so far out.

So norm-core.

You know that the National Park System deserves this land.

Why are you trying to screw me?

This is like Morning Star all over again.

This is nothing like Morning Star.

And that was two years ago.

Well, you don't know who you're dealing with. I directly oversee 1,200 people.

I have a staff of creative geniuses that will not stop working until we win this bid.

Leslie?

I-I couldn't find that file you wanted, but I did find a file called bird census, 1980.

- And... it's empty. - Get out of here, Ed!

- I fired you. - Right.

If anyone wants to hang, I will be at Subway.

He's very stupid.

Babe? Just dropped off Leslie's triplets with her mom.

All three of 'em. Nailed it.

Look what she gave us. Slow cooker.

- Great. - Yeah.

Um, so hurry up and get ready. The gala starts in an hour.

And don't forget, tomorrow we have to go to that guy's office

to sign the renter's insurance forms.

Get ready. Go.

Everything is going great.

April's kicking ass at her National Parks job.

Uh, I work there part time. And I have my own TV show.

Welcome back to the Johnny Karate Super Awesome Musical Explosion Show.

Morning, Johnny. I have something for ya.

It's Mailman Barry. Morning, Barry.

- I have something for you. - Andy, no.

- Ninjas attack! - No. Oh God. Andy!

Oh! That's my crotch.

Okay, guys. Three more kicks a piece.

Uh, Jessica? Hi.

I'm glad I caught you before you left.

Just between you and me, what do you think your land might sell for tomorrow?

Trevor says it'll probably be around $90 million.

Ah ha! Woo!

- Oh. - Oh--oh, wow.

I know. I am just--I am so happy for me.

Would you ever consider giving the federal government a discount?

For a very good cause? A national park.

Oh, Leslie. I have always liked you.

Yeah, no, you haven't, though.

But I also like money. And money pays for my lifestyle.

Leslie doesn't pay for my lifestyle, money does.

So between money and Leslie... Uhh-uh

- You see the bind that I'm in? - Yeah, it's a tough one.

Well, thank you, Jessica.

You did and said exactly what I thought you were gonna do and say.

- And that's oddly comforting. - Thank you, sweetie.

Who is Tom Haverford?

He's a mentor, a lover, a hero.

But who is my hero? Simple.

It's me. Five years from now.

Okay, I really only need a correct spelling of your last name.

You are looking at one of Indiana Business monthly's 35 under 35.

I own Pawnee's hottest restaurant, two fast-casual eateries, and the Tommy Chopper.

We serve chopped salads out of a decommissioned military helicopter.

I'm a mogul now.

Hey, Tom?

Ben Wyatt, city manager of Pawnee.

Chamber of Commerce asked me to introduce him at a very fancy black tie gala tonight.

One of the many area big wigs who comes to me for life advice, fashion tips.

Uh, you get it. Write this all down.

So for the introduction, I'd love it if you could just keep it brief.

Like, stick to my fiscal accomplishments.

Oh, wanna wake me up when you're done boring us to death?

Am I right, Janet?

Write down that I'm funny.

Benji? Relax, come on. When's Tommy ever let you down?

Constantly.

I'm being honored at a gala tonight because I'm in charge

of the Pawnee bicentennial celebration.

It's my biggest project since ice town.

So it really means a lot that I'm being recognized as a city leader,

instead of being yelled at and pelted with things.

Wait, you don't think this is all an elaborate setup to pelt me with things, do you?

It takes like eight hours to cook something in this thing.

I guess I could pick up a brisket tomorrow and start it for dinner Thursday.

Oh, Thursday's no good. I have production meetings all day.

Then we've got dinner with Joe and Donna on Friday.

Hey, you know, Sunday.

We can go to the farmer's market, put the brisket in the slow cooker,

get a movie on pay per view.

The new Jason Bourne movie's supposed to be pretty funny.

Andy?

We're planning our whole week.

Like old people. We used to be spontaneous and weird.

We used to eat cereal out of frisbees because we didn't have any bowls.

You once broke a rib trying to wrestle one of those

- inflatable floppy guys at a car dealership. - I won.

Now you sprained your shoulder trying to clean out the stupid gutter.

You even have a job. We have a bank account!

That's it.

We've held out as long as we could, but it finally happened.

We're boring. We're boring people who will bore each other by being boring.

No! We are still fun. I'm gonna prove it to you.

Tonight at the gala, we are gonna do something spontaneous and weird.

Okay.

Stop taunting me.

Get on the phone to Washington.

Call in every favor that we have.

Dave, put Missouri on the back burner.

This is top priority.

You all have 36 hours to find me $90 million.

Go!

Whoa, $90 million?

Well, I only have $2 million in the discretionary fund

and I've already used some of it to make Thomas Jefferson sexier

in those Mount Rushmore promotions.

Which, by the way, attendance has been up.

That's not a coincidence.

Pawnee's rich and famous will all be here tonight.

- Maybe you start there. - That is a very smart idea.

And that tuxedo makes you look like a sexy orchestra conductor.

- Here, wave this pen around. - Focus.

Fine. Let's go get that park.

That park is my dream. I'm not gonna let it slip away.

Who cares if Gryzzl and Ron have more money?

I have the most valuable currency in America.

A blind, stubborn belief that what I am doing is 100% right.

Ken Hotate. Great bow tie, is that new?

Why, yes it is. My son sells them on Etsy.

He is a huge disappointment.

Oh, well. Now that we're chatting, the National Park Service

is looking to buy the Newport land.

But we're a little short on funds.

- How short? - $88 million.

What do you say you put some of that casino money to good use?

You know, we have been considering opening a second resort.

No, it would be a donation.

The government would keep the land.

So you would like the Wamapoke people to pay

the federal government millions of dollars to buy land

that was stolen from us by the federal government?

And we don't even get to keep the land?

Well, when you put it like that, I see the irony.

So are you in? No?

What if I buy some of your disappointing son's bolo ties? Damn it.

Hey, check it out. I'm so crazy and spontaneous, I don't even need this sling anymore.

- Yes. - Pa-dow.

Oh! Oh, did you hear that pop?