Shark Bait

If you'll indulge for a moment my rhyming motif...

I'd like to tell you a tale of a place called the Reef.

The entire coral kingdom is a delight to the senses.

Alas, that is not where our story commences.

- - We're used to blue water. This water would spook us.

It's the color of phlegm, or possibly mucus.

And the salty sea spray that wafts on the breeze...

is like the stuff that comes out of your nose when you sneeze.

In this polluted and ominous swill...

there's one little fish of unusual skill...

who would one day meet a most incredible fate...

full of fighting, romancing, becoming live bait.

I know it boggles the mind and it beggars belief...

but that's the wee lad who would one day save the Reef.

I don't have anything against your cousin Pearl, except she's nuts.

But that doesn't mean I wanna live next door to her.

But, Pike, it's safe on the Reef. There's no fishing. The water's clean.

- But, honey-- -

- I love Boston. - What's the big attraction?

Is it the gill nets, the medical waste, the industrial pollution?

- Hey, it's never hurt me. - Oh, please, Pike.

Sweetie, you're so full of mercury...

I could stick your tail in my mouth and take my temperature.

Honey, you're exaggerating. The water here is perfectly healthy.

- Hi, Pike. - Mornin', Bob.

- Honey-- - And what if Pi grows up to have three eyes?

- Cool! -

Okay. But think of the cultural opportunities here.

In Boston Harbor, Pi can meet fish from all over the world.

Oh, like those salmon. What a classy bunch they were.

All of them talking about how they just couldn't wait to get upriver...

and S-P-A-W-N.

- Spawn! -

What did I tell you about using language like that?

- I'm sorry. - Oh, you're growin' up so fast.

- Go play. Your father and I... need to talk. - Okay.

- But don't go too far. - Pike.

- Hey. - Oh, hello.

Haven't seen you around here before.

I'm just passing through. We're migrating.

You're lucky. I wish I migrated. We never go anywhere.

You're a dolphin, right?

I'm a porpoise. Why does everyone think I'm a dolphin?

- Percy! We're getting ready to leave. - Oh, hello, Mum.

- This is, uh-- - Pi! Where are you?

Oh. That's my mom. I gotta go.

Nice meeting you.

Mom! Dad! I met a porpoise!

Pi! What did I tell you about talking to strangers?

You have to be careful, Son. There's some weird fish in the sea.

Boy, I'll say. You wouldn't believe some of the weirdos you see around here.

- Bob. Don't help me. - Watch out.

Hey! Watch it! Hey, what's the rush?

- There's a net! - Net?

- Swim! - What are we gonna do, Pike?

Swim! Swim as fast as you can!

- What is it? - Swim, Pi!

- It's behind us! - The net!

- Dad! - Swim!

- Get out of the way! - The net!

Swim faster!

Pike, we've got to get him out of here before they--

- They're pulling it up! - Pi, try to squeeze through.

- But what about you? - We're right behind you. Hurry!

Push, Pike. Push harder!

I made it! Come on!

Mom! Dad!

- - Don't let him get near the net.

Let go of me! I have to help 'em!

Pi, go to the Reef. Find your Aunt Pearl.

But I can't. You have to go with me.

Promise me, Pi. Promise me you'll go to the Reef.

Mom! Dad!

Mom. Dad.

- We'll take you to the Reef, Pi. - But I can't leave!

What if-- What if they come back and I'm not here?

They won't be able to find me.

I'm sorry, Pi, but once the net gets you, there's no coming back.

Mom. Dad.

Come on, Pi.

Your turn.

Hey. What's in here?

Let's find out.

- - Hey, you kids!

Pi, you can do it.

- - Wow.

- He's big. He's really big. - Cool.

Hey. Hello there.

Ah.

Wow!

Whoa. Hey. Wait! Wait!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoa.

Ouch.

You all right? Try again.

Whee! Look at me!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

Yahoo!

- - Little fishy.

It's not painful when I eat you.

Pelican gonna swallow you whole.

- Whoo-hoo! - Hey, what the--

Bad fishy. Hey!

- -

Whoo-hoo!

- - Pi. That was brilliant.

You sure you won't come with us?

I wish I could, Perce, but... I promised my mom.

There you go, dear. Just follow those stones...

and they'll take you right to the Reef.

I'll never forget your help, Mum.

- So long, Perce. - So long, mate.

- Sure. Galloping along. - Good day, ma'am.

Hey.

Whoa!

It was a 55-foot trawler...

and they was usin' a three-pronged titanium steel hook...

on 45-pound stress-tested monofilament.

I must have played 'em for three hours...

before the line finally snapped and they got away.

Fifty-five-foot trawler. Right. Oh, like I haven't heard that one before.

I tell ya, that boat gets bigger every time he tells the story.

What's the matter, boychick? You lost?

- How's that? What'd he say? - He said he's lost, you deaf marlin!

- Actually, I'm looking for my Aunt Pearl. - You're looking for a squirrel?

No, no. Pearl. He's looking for the crazy lady.

Oye. Come here. She lives right down there, chico.

Thank you.

That is right, darling. Work with me.

Now take it to the edge. Yes. Take it to the edge.

Take it right to the edge.

You're right at the edge! Ah. Bring it back. Bring it back.

- Ah, yes. Ah. Magnifique. -

- Who is that? - Who is that?

- That's Cordelia, dude. Where have you been? - I just got into town.

Oh! Welcome to the scab, dude.

Perhaps you should wear it up. Oh, yes.

Sleek, sophisticated. Like Audrey Hepburn, only better-- with scales.

- She's beautiful. - Oh, yeah. She's a model.

She's been on the cover of National Geographic-- twice.

Don't look over here. Don't look over here. Ignore me. Ignore me.

- Look at me! Look at me! - I've gotta meet her.

Whoa there, newbie. Take my advice and worship from afar.

Huh? What?

No, no, no, no! You've ruined my shot! Buffoon! Buffoon!

Can we please keep the local riffraff out of my shot? Is that too much to ask?

- Sorry. -

- I'm sorry. - That's your good side.

That is a wrap, people.

I don't blame you, mon chère. You were sublime as always.

- Thank you, Max. - Bellissima. Ciao.

Hey. I'm sorry.

I-I didn't mean to mess things up back there.

Don't worry about it. They'll be back.

Oh, cool. Cool.

So-- I'm Pi. I'm new in town.

Really? I couldn't tell.

Yeah, I just swam in from Boston.

Boston. That's a long way.

Well, you know, I'm pretty strong for my size. Check these mussels.

- Hey! - Hands off the merchandise.

- Ow! Hey, easy, man. -

-Cute and funny. What did you say your name was? -Um, Pi.

Well, Pi from Boston, welcome to the Reef.

Dude. She actually talked to you.

That's fully the most awesome thing I've ever...

seen.

Cordelia! Look out!

Dude, don't! He's a shark!

- - Oh, hello, fellas.

- H-Hey, somebody help me. - Here you go, Mr. Crab.

Oh, thank you so very much.

I have been wrong-side-up all day, and it has been most uncomfortable. Oh!

Oh! You taste like tuna.

You are what you eat.

You're disgusting, Troy. Why can't you leave me alone?

But you are alone, sweet gills.

You got no family, no one to protect you from the dangers of the deep.

The only danger in this part of the deep is you.

Well, then, all the more reason to get on my good side.

You need someone to look after you.

I don't need a rude, egotistical bully with a bad case of tuna breath.

- Back off. - Pi.

- What'd you say? - You heard me. Leave her alone.

- What are you gonna do about it, chum? - I'm... gonna--

You're gonna. Uh, yeah. Yeah.

You're gonna take a little trip...

- through my digestive system. - Ow.

Yeah. You're gettin' chunky, see? Used to be easy to stuff you into this hole.

We're gonna have to find a bigger hole or a skinnier nerd.

No more beating up bed wetters. Ew!

I'm grossed out. Let's get out of here.

Nobody crawls into my hole! Nobody!

- I can pick my own nose. -

- Forget about him. He doesn't know what he's saying. - Yeah.