King of the Hill

Okay, I just voted.

Could you see anything?

Nope. Nothing.

You could develop film in that booth.

That's right. Peggy Hill's garage of democracy...

is gonna make those saps in Precinct 9 wish...

they'd never voted in that stinking firehouse.

Hey, Dad. Can you give me and Luanne...

a ride to where Route 15 meets the 42?

Why? There's nothing there but a huge empty lot.

Nuh-uh, Uncle Hank. This week it's 20 acres of fun...

and one acre of craft.

At the Heimlich County Fair.

Well, Luanne, I wish you'd get this excited...

about voting in your first presidential election.

Now, did you send in those registration forms I gave you...

for your eighteenth birthday?

No. But that's okay.

I'll just vote for president next year.

Come on, Mom.

I am not leaving until this booth has proven to me...

that it is 100% confidential.

Okay. How many fingers am I holding up?

Peggy, there is absolutely no way you can see through that...

Three?

I was just guessing.

Mom, can I have five tickets for fair food?

I don't want them guessing my weight on an empty stomach.

I'm hungry, too.

Luanne, you should be hungry for democracy.

Um, no.

Yeah, I think I wanted the corn on a stick.

Luanne, in a few years that corn'll be gone.

But the thrill of voting lasts and lasts.

I still get goose pimples thinking about pulling the lever...

for Councilman Fred Everett.

Of course, then he betrayed me.

Now, go on and register.

The polls and the media have been ignoring my campaign.

But they're gonna have a little surprise come election day...

when long-shot candidate Ted T. Ganaway...

moves out of his parents' house and into the White House!

Hey, look. A fringe candidate.

Poor confused bastard.

Well, you have to admire his dedication.

I mean, he's right here in the heart of what I like to call "Bush Country."

Hello, friends.

You made eye contact.

Nice job, Hank. You talk to him.

My name is Ted T. Ganaway and I'm running for president.

Yeah. Well...

my wife and I are pretty committed to George W. Bush, you know.

And even if we weren't, well...

there's four or five candidates ahead of you.

Well, good luck with the campaign.

Governor George W. Bush and Vice President Al Gore...

want you to focus on my hit-and-run conviction...

and not my sixteen-point plan for America.

Dad, I know it's not up your alley, but there's this pig named Mitch...

Let's go.

Welcome, folks.

Y'all ready for some world-class pig-diving?

Now, before we meet our star, let's give a county-fair howdy...

to Mitch's Fishes.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the main event...

the real deal, the finest diver with four legs...

the Pork Louganis, Mitch the Amazing Diving Pig.

For his first dive, Mitch will perform the tula-hula...

a death-defying plunge through not one, not three...

but two hula hoops.

Yes!

That was pretty good for a pig.

And now for our finale.

Mitch will dive through three rings of burning fire.

It is the most difficult dive known to man or pig.

The Johnny Cash!

You can do it, Mitch.

I love this pig!

Nothing to worry about, folks.

Mitch is just hamming it up.

Where is he?

Where is he?

Somebody do something!

Oh, God! Mitch!

Bobby, no! That's pig water!

Mitch is dead!

Not this pig, not today.

Thank you, son. You saved my boy's life.

- What's your name? - Bobby Hill.

Let's give a big hand to Bobby Hill...

the amazing pig-saving boy!

Oh, God!

How much money is it gonna take to get that film?

Don't worry. I'm not with the press.

I'm with the Bush-Cheney campaign. And you must be...

the amazing pig-saving boy's father.

- Well. I don't... - This is just the kind of heroism...

the Governor loves to attach himself to.

Why don't you all come to his Get Out The Vote rally next week...

- as our guests? - Great.

Now, if you do a background check...

I'm Hank R. Hill, not that Hank P. Hill...

who doesn't pay his Discover Card bill.

Uncle Hank, I registered to vote.

Oh, terrific. George W.'s gonna need every vote he can get...

or they won't call it a landslide.

George W? He's not a communist, is he?

No, he's not.

Wait. Here it is.

See, our candidate is Robert Parigi.

What? Communist? No!

I guess I cancel your vote out.

My first election and your vote means nothing.

Long live the People's Revolution!

What were you thinking?

The Russians don't even believe in communism anymore.

You said you wanted me to vote.

You sure did, Hank.

Maybe Luanne has a good reason for throwing her vote away.

I've got several.

First, the line at his booth was the shortest.

I like his tie. It's red.

And his shirt is white. And his jacket is blue.

And that stands for America. Communism!

So I see you finally got Luanne involved in politics.

That's good...

ass.

The people united...

- Boo! - Commie, go home!

Okay.

I just think if you don't read the newspaper...

and the only TV you watch is the MTV...

you shouldn't be allowed to vote.

Stop fighting the last war, Hank.

Women got the vote and there's nothing we can do about it.

Unless...

Unless what?

I don't know. You're a smart guy. You'll figure something out.

I'll get it.

Good evening, mate.

May I trouble you for a word?

Oh, Lord. PEGGY: Who is it, Hank?

The Manger Babies. I'll get rid of them.

Cheerio. I just wanted to tell you...

you should vote for Robert Parigi of the Communist Party USA...

for President, what-what.

You don't know the first thing about communism.

What's to know?

Robert Parigi's got the cutest little ears and prettiest eyebrows.

So, can I tell Robert he can count on your vote?

No, you cannot. I hate communists.

All they do is boss people around.

Sounds like you, Uncle Hank.

Luanne, please go home before I tell you...

you're acting like an idiot and make you cry.

Hee-haw! You're a communist! Hee-haw!

- No, I'm not! - Welcome to the party, mate.

Get that penguin back here. I'm not done.

Hee-haw! Power to the people, comrade!

Why, I say! You look good in red, Comrade Hill, what-what.

All right. I gave you fair warning.

Luanne, you're acting like an idiot.

Oh, no!

Uncle Hank, no.

Hank, I'm making cookies to serve on election day.

Which do you think tastes better? The Chips Ahoy heated up...

or the E.L. Fudge heated up?

I don't know.

Well, where is Luanne?

Well, I told her she was being an idiot and she ran off crying.

Oh, Hank. Again?

Well, she called me a communist in my own home.

She doesn't know what the heck she's talking about.

All right, Hank. Luanne is Cinderella.

And she fell for the wrong prince.

You have to be her fairy godmother...

and introduce her to George W. Bush.

Take her to the Bush rally, or as I like to call it, "the ball"...

and let George W. Put his issues...

or as I like to call them, "the glass slippers," on her feet.

I can't bring a communist to see the next president of the United States.

Hank, if Luanne is still a communist...

after hearing the greatest orator of our day...

then she really is a communist and then we really have a problem.

Hey, y'all. How're y'all doing?

He's even more handsome than his dad.

Well, Barbara's a handsome woman.

But, you know, it's his ideas that you'll find the most attractive.

I don't know. He's really handsome.

Now, I don't want any of y'all to think...