Seinfeld

I can't believe I'm going out with this guy.

He's so cool.

Maybe he'll write a song about me. That would be amazing.

"Oh, Elaine, you are so beautiful.

So, so beautiful.

Not to mention your personality, which is so, so interesting.

If you want, you can quit your job and never work again."

Jerry, you have got to come see him. He is so terrific.

- Maybe he'll write a song about you. - Yeah, right.

Like that really matters.

So I take it he's sponge-worthy.

Oh, yeah.

He's a musician. They're supposed to be very...

you know, uninhibited and free.

Well, actually, he's not that way at all.

- Oh, no? - Yeah, in fact...

Come on.

- Come on. - I don't wanna.

Elaine, you're among friends.

Well, actually, he doesn't really like to do...

everything.

Yeah.

- It's surprising. - Yes, it is. It is surprising.

- Does that bother you? - No. No, it doesn't bother me.

I mean, it would be nice.

I'm not gonna lie to you and say it wouldn't be nice.

- Sure. Why not? You're there. - Exactly.

You said he was coming out of a serious relationship.

Maybe he's, you know, still kind of.... He's....

It's not gonna happen.

Hey, Jerry. Listen, I need you to help me get my stuff out of the car.

- What stuff? - I just came from the Price Club.

- I'm loaded up, baby. - All right.

What, are you out of your mind?

Look at this. What did you buy here?

You will never be able to finish all this stuff.

Of course I will. These are all staples.

A 4-pound can of black olives, that's a staple?

Lindsay olives, Jerry.

A 48-pack of Eggo waffles. A gallon of barbecue sauce.

- Ten pounds of cocktail meatballs. - $17.50. You can't beat that.

- Look at this can of tuna. - Yeah, StarKist, Jerry.

- Most tuna don't make their cut. - This isn't for a person.

It's for Biosphere 3.

- Hey, Clyde. - Hey, Kramer.

- What's happening, dude? - Yeah. Hey, this is Jerry.

- How you doing? - Hi.

He plays backup with John Germaine.

John Germaine?

That's amazing. I was just talking about him with Elaine.

- Oh, yeah? - Oh, yeah.

My friend Elaine and him are going out.

- They're pretty hot-and-heavy. - Is that right?

How about giving me a hand, bring some of this stuff up?

Sorry, Kramer. I got to watch the hands.

My hands are my life.

Georgie, can you zip me up?

Yeah.

- Yeah, one second. - Well, come on.

All right. All right. Let's not get into panic mode!

Let's not make a big deal out of this, or we'll never get through it.

Well, I'm meeting your in-laws. I think I should look nice.

- My in-laws. Oh, my God. - So, what do you think?

Your old man can look good when he wants to, huh?

- I don't like that tie. - What's wrong with this tie?

- I've hardly worn it. - It's too thin.

They're wearing wide now.

How do you know what kind of ties they wear?

Go to any office building on Seventh Avenue...

and tell me if there's anyone there wearing a thin tie like that.

- Go ahead. - Oh, get the hell out of here.

Seventh Avenue?

George, do you think he should wear a tie like that?

I think he should wear whatever tie he wants.

We gotta stop off and pick up a marble rye from Schnitzer's.

It's out of our way.

Why can't we pick up something at Lords? It's right over here.

No, we have to go to Schnitzer's.

I'll show these people something about taste.

This is gonna be fun.

Hey, you'll never guess who I bumped into. This guy Clyde...

he's in your friend John Germaine's band there.

- What did he have to say? - Nothing.

I told him you two were pretty hot-and-heavy.

"Hot-and-heavy"?

- You said "hot-and-heavy"? - Yeah.

What did you do that for?

- What? - What if he tells John?

Then John's gonna think that I think that we're hot-and-heavy.

I don't want John thinking I'm hot-and-heavy if he's not.

I'm trying to get a little squirrel to come over to me here.

I don't wanna make any big, sudden movements.

- I'll frighten him away. - Well, Clyde might not tell him.

How do you know that?

I should have helped Kramer with those packages.

- I'll give you a hand. - Thanks.

Hey, Kramer, I wonder, could you do me a favour?

I'm taking the family to Disney World next week.

- I wonder, can you pick up my mail? - Yeah, sure, sure.

In fact, you know what, how'd you like my hansom-cab for the week?

- Drive the horse? - It'll just be sitting there.

You can really clean up. Five hundred bucks a day.

I'll split it with you.

Giddyup.

This is delicious, Mrs. Ross.

Why are you complimenting her? She didn't make it. Rowena did.

- What is this thing anyway? - It's Cornish game hen.

- What is that, like a little chicken? - No, it's not a little chicken.

- "Little chicken." No, it's a game bird. - Game bird?

- What do you mean, like, you hunt it? - Yes.

How hard can it be to kill this thing?

I couldn't help but notice, but you have quite a library in there.

If I had a dime for every book he's actually read...

I'd be broke.

- More wine, anyone? - Yeah, I'll take more. Thank you.

- How do you like the merlot? - Merlot? I never heard of it.

- Did they just invent it? - Oh, brother.

She's heard of the merlot.

Let me understand.

You got the hen, the chicken and the rooster.

The rooster goes with the chicken.

So who's having sex with the hen?

- We'll talk about it another time. - But you see my point here?

You only hear of a hen, a rooster and a chicken.

- Something's missing! - Something's missing, all right.

They're all chickens.

The rooster has sex with all of them.

- That's perverse. - So has anybody seen Firestorm?

Firestorm, that's a hell of a picture.

Remember when they had the helicopter land on top of that car?

Hey! I haven't seen it yet.

- It has nothing to do with the plot! - Still, I like to go in fresh!

Oh, Mother of God.

And of course, this is Central Park.

This was designed in 1850 by Joe Pepitone...

built during the Civil War so the Northern armies...

could practice fighting on grass.

Oh, yeah.

On, Rusty.

Thank you. Now I'd like to play something that...

Well, actually, it's my latest, so it's nice and fresh...

called "Hot-and-Heavy."

Thank God that's over.

The mother seems to hit the sauce pretty hard. I didn't like that.

And who doesn't serve cake after a meal?

What kind of people?

Would it kill them to put out a pound cake? Something.

So they didn't give you a piece of cake. Big deal.

It is a big deal. You're supposed to serve cake after a meal.

I'm sorry, it's impolite.

It's not impolite. It's stupid, that's what it is.

- You gotta be stupid to do that. - Your father is absolutely right.

We're sitting there like idiots...

drinking coffee without a piece of cake.

What is this?

The marble rye?

Oh, dear, I forgot to put out that bread they brought.

- We forgot to bring it in. - No, I brought it in.

They never put it out.

- Where is it? - I don't know. Where'd you put it?

- Right over there. - Well, it's gone.

You stole the bread?

What do you mean? It's my bread. They didn't eat it.

- Why should I leave it there? - Because we brought it for them.

Apparently it wasn't good enough for them to serve.

Is it possible they took it back?

Who would bring a bread and take it back?

Those people, that's who. I think they're sick.

- People take buses to get that rye. - Maybe they forgot to put it out.

No, they didn't forget to put it out. It's deliberate.

Deliberate, I tell you!

- He stole back the rye? - Yeah.

- Why? - Why? Why?

Because he's off his rocker, that's why.

- So do the Rosses know? - They're all very suspicious.

Why wouldn't they be? Rye bread doesn't just disappear.