The Thief and the Fool (الحرامي والعبيط)

That's enough man, do you want to get the car inside the house?

Come on, get lost you're not a driver, not even close

Come on, get lost

He's upset because he had to give me a ride, it was a terrible ride

He's upset, but of course he is keeping his anger for himself

He lives in my building

And he has me to answer to about everything, just like everyone else in here

This is my territory Salah Rossi's territory

You may think of me as the minister of Internal Affairs of the territory

This means I control everything that comes in and that comes out

Everything

Go, Moha the shop must have opened

Go woman and send me the tea I have to go to work

This is uncle Jad the beans seller

He's the first one to wake up and the last one to start his work here

He wanders the streets causing you despise everything that's in this world

He makes you wish you'd never grow old less you become like him

Good morning uncle Jad

Uncle Jad doesn't reply to my greetings

I forgot to tell you that uncle Jad is deaf

Because it isn't possible for him to hear well and yet, not to reply to my greetings

Help me, anybody...

This is uncle Sayyed the baker beating up his wife Samira

He hits here everyday and no one would stop him

Because after in 15 minutes exactly, her laughter will resound everywhere around

You may think about this as their own behavioral pattern

That's how they spend their mornings

Beating up, then comforting, then sighing and you know what comes next

Tell me about the seduction

I can't take that anymore enough, have pity on me

This is Hamdy Alloulah the foremost of the guys in the territory

He wished to become a bandit but he doesn't know how

He has a small brain which means "Illah"

- Hamdy "Illah" - Don't call me "Illah"

Indeed, you are "Illah" when you defy me

And when you cheat the drugs those you gave to me

In this case, you'd be then seeking your own death, Hamdy Alloulah, "Illah"

And for that you had to open my brain with your dagger in front of everyone?

This is no good Salah, I swear to God

It's ok, I don't want you to get upset

What? I'm making up with you never mind, it's over

You have to thank God I didn't cut your throat

People here are meek

Hadn't I, Salah Rossi, been amongst them, they would have perished long ago

By the way, I get very upset from the expression "Bandit"

It's becoming a slapdash expression

These are the times of the big fish

Those poor people of "Bissaria" have no place on the Nile, except on its shore

People, I am the shore!

You, people of "Bissaria" I am the shore

What a fruit!

When would God get him out of this alley before something bad happens

Did you say something, Sabbouha?

No bro, I am not saying anything I'm just talking to myself

I understand, you mean Ventriloquism

She likes to play the hard to catch

It's ok, suit yourself

But when you make up your mind blow the horn or turn on the head lights

I am hopeful

Hopeful, hopeful, you slut

You slut, you slut

And who is this one too? That's what I needed in the morning

I knew from the way it started that it's going to be a damned day

This is Fathi, the filthiness itself

Destiny cast him to our neighborhood and no one knows where he came from

There he is, sitting for a while at each doorstep

What's good about Fathi is that with him the neighborhood had turned into a clean area

This man cleans everything except himself, the miserable one

Good for you Fathi

I'm calm, I'm calm, you stupid

Stop taking that crap that you are addicted to and put something in your stomach

Why don't you go and pray a little bit?

This is my mom, the Hajjah

They call her "Hajjah", although she's never been anywhere outside this neighborhood

Get back to the place of ruins that you came from

These are the clothes of your uncle Zaki, he's my father

And no-one calls him "Hajj" because he drinks all day long

He kept at it until alcohol ruined his body

Every morning my mom throws his clothes out

Then he comes back at night bringing half a kilo of "Kofta" to make sup with her

from "El Hady" barbecue restaurant

Because the Hajjah loves "Kofta" a lot

Every time I get into our house I smell the stink of rottenness

Who did this?

Fathi, son of the sick it's you also, even in here?

Fathi!

Fathi!

Hey you, Fathi

Kid, bring Fathi here at once bring that shit right now

Yes master

He'll make a garbage dump out of our house

I was wondering where this stinky smell is coming from

Damn you

He gathered all the neighborhood's garbage

- He thinks himself a man of property - Get in, right now

Get in man, come on

- This is my stuff - No, this is my stuff

- No, this is my stuff - Take it man

Take all the garbage to any damned place just throw it out of here, now

Zaki, Zaki

Zaki, are you calling my father by his name, Zaki?

What a doomed morning God have mercy

What's wrong with you? Why are you so loud?

Salah, why don't you leave him alone?

Why can't you be quiet? It's the morning, leave him be

How is that, father? He's going to fill the place up with bugs

- Me, me, bugs? - You are filthier than bugs

- You are filthier than bugs - Stop it

Salah, the hens of your mother left their dirt all over the house

No one can clean up their stinky remains in the roof, except him

- I clean the roof - Good for you, good for you

Father, after that he won't leave the house and no one will ever be able to chase him out

He's just waiting for the chance to stay for ever in the coop

- I clean the roof, you stupid - Stupid, I am the stupid?

- Father, I will cut his throat right here - Calm down Salah, my son

I brought him here to clean up the roof and after that, I will kick him out of here

- God help me with both of you - It's alright

Clean up the roof and collect the garbage and get the hell out of here

- Do you understand? - Zaki, you stupid

Do you know what'll happen if I see you again?

- Go away - Stupid!

I don't understand why is my father so tender all of a sudden

as if this stupid man will get him to heaven

There he comes the reason of all the rouse downstairs

- In what garbage dump you were sleeping? - That's my mom!

- Good morning Um Salah - Damn you and damn your parents!

Damn you

My mom loves me a lot I am her only son

Don't you dare eat my chicken

I just bought it ready made because I don't have enough strength to cook

Is that the voice of a weak woman?

The one with my mom is Nahed

My gentle girl

The tenderness side in my life

An orphan poor girl I am her father and her mother

Her only vice is her occupation as a nurse

She gives shots to men and sees some ugly things

A bad career

Come on, give the shot quickly will you inject me or operate on me?

- Just a second, I'm ready now - Wait until I turn

Alright

I encouraged her to come into my room

because there are some passionate contacts between us, but the smooth kind of contacts

- Because she is a hard to catch girl - Salah!

- Honestly, I tried a lot with her - You bad guy!

But she didn't give in to me that's why I am going to marry her

If the devil doesn't bring her to me then let the priest will do!

Kid, give the garbage bag to Fathi and tell him to throw it away

Its smell makes the whole place stink

What's with this Fathi who became very important all of a sudden?

Alright, mother

Fathi...

Come my darling

Wait for me, I'll be back

The kitchen, Salah

- Are you acting stupid? - The kitchen

Listen, don't act stupid less I'll hit you

- Pickup this garbage - You will bring the dagger

Don't be afraid, there's no dagger pickup the garbage

The garbage that's in the bin put it in the bag

- In this bin - The bag

- Put it in the bag - Put it in the bag

- Put it in the bag - Come on, hurry up

- Hurry up - Put it in the bag

Put it, take out the dagger out

Put it in the bag

The beautiful smell makes the distances shorter

- I missed you - I am leaving

- You mother's just slept - That's the whole point, girl

What, haven't you smelled the nice fragrance?

I wanted to talk to you a bit

Alright, say what you want, and no games because I know what you're up to

What games, am I a game player?

- Am I a game player? - That's enough

- But I haven't done anything yet - Your mom, your mom

I'm just holding your hand

Hand, shoulder, waste and there you go

- No, let go off me - I will, right now

Salah, stop that Salah don't cause me a scandal

- You slut - You will cause me a scandal, Salah

A slut, a slut, you slut, you slut

- You bastard! - You slut, you slut...

Isn't it pretty?

Thank you

It looks great on you

I pray God keep you, Salah pray you'll always bring me stuff

He charged me 2000 pounds and didn't accept one penny less

But it doesn't matter, because any money I pay isn't a waste, when it's for your

- Do you want to add the chili? - Yes, the plate is cold

Where did you get the money from, Salah?

It was a cold debt that a friend owed me and I took it from him

Waiter, get the flowers

- Where to? Don't take me, I did nothing - Let go off him, leave him

I didn't do anything I didn't do anything

I didn't do anything I didn't do anything...

Who is it? What's the matter?

Dad!

Dad!

- Why did you tell me that he's here? - Our source insisted that he's here

Does Salah Rossi live here?