Good Luck Charlie

Ready, Charlie?

Let's show Gabe what you've learned.

- Okay. - Okay.

- What's the opposite of up? - Down.

- Yeah. What's the opposite of big? - Little.

- What's the opposite of good? - Gabe.

And here is your cookie.

Teddy, you'll be out of the house in two years.

Then it's just you and me.

Thanks for the ride home, Fran.

Should I pick you up tomorrow?

Nope, not working tomorrow.

Gotta get ready for the big hospital benefit.

You know me, Fran win-the-talent-show- every-year culpepper.

Mostly we just call you Fran...

And some other things.

This year I'll be sharing the stage with all the culpeppers.

We're a wonderfully talented family.

And I assume your family will be in the audience again?

Actually, Fran, my family will also be performing.

- We will? - Yes, we will.

Well, may the best family win.

That's our plan, Fran.

All right, Duncans, get your butts in here now!

Oh, the sweet sound of my lovely bride's voice.

I have great news.

The entire Duncan family is going to compete

in this year's hospital talent show.

Cool. What's the great news?

Come on, you guys, how can we lose?

We have the world's most perfect baby.

I mean look at that face. What happened to your face?

I don't know, mom.

I think I'm busy, uh, whatever night the stupid thing is.

- Yeah, me too. - Oh really, you guys are too busy?

Well, did I happen to mention that the grand prize

is a two-day pass to super adventure land?

Super adventure land?

- The funnest place on earth? - Fran's going down.

Fran's going down.

Fran's going d...

Forgot my keys.

- You have a great evening, Fran. - Okay.

Fran's going down.

Thanks for walking me to class, ray-ray.

Anytime, I-I.

Well, looks like you're getting pretty cozy with Raymond.

Ray-ray. That's what I call him.

I'm gonna stick with Raymond.

Aw, look at those two.

We could be double-dating if you were still

- going out with Spencer. - Oh, you mean spence-spence?

Hi, having a party tonight. Hope you can make it.

Hi, having a party tonight. Hope you can make it.

Hi...

Hi, having a party tonight. Hope you can make it.

Something tells me

Lynette doesn't want me at her party.

Well, if she doesn't want my best friend,

she's not getting me.

Or me.

That's kind of where we started.

Okay, class.

This is a very exciting time of year...

Mock court.

We're going to learn how our justice system works

by having our own trial right here in class.

- Teddy, you'll be the prosecuting attorney. - Yes!

Somebody's going down. Who's it gonna be?

Lynette, you'll be the defendant.

And the system works.

Spencer, you'll be the defense lawyer.

Walter, you'll be the judge.

Yes! I can already taste the power.

That one might be a mistake.

Ivy, you'll be the witness for the prosecution.

And the rest of you

will make up the jury.

If anyone needs me, I'll be at my desk

finishing my sudoku.

Hey, "counselor."

I gotta warn you, my dad's a lawyer,

so I might have an advantage.

Oh yeah. No, I'm not worried.

- My dad's an exterminator. - What does that mean?

I'm gonna crush you like a bug.

- Hey, where'd you get the dummy? - I bought it online.

- I wasn't talking to you. - Ha ha ha ha.

I'm gonna put him in my car.

That way I can use the carpool lane

when I'm making kwikki chikki deliveries.

Huh?

So people can get their crummy chicken quicker?

Right. Everybody wins.

Well, except the people who eat the chicken.

And the chickens.

I guess I'm the only one who really wins.

You know, I'm getting an idea here.

You bought this piece of junk online, right?

Who are you talking to?

I'm talking to you now.

Oh, yeah yeah, I bought him online.

Well, maybe there's people out there who wanna buy our junk.

Not following you.

I'm saying if there's people stupid enough to buy dummies,

maybe they're stupid enough to buy our crummy stuff.

- Still talking to me? - Ugh.

Now, miss wentz, please tell the court what happened next.

- My ray-ray misses me with seven exclamation points.

Ivy, focus.

Mm, ray-ray says I look hot today,

but only with six exclamation points.

- Should I be worried? - Moving on. Okay.

Now let's talk about what you're going to wear on the stand.

You don't want to be too flashy.

T, you've seen my closet.

It's mostly zebra stripes and leopard print.

And those are my church clothes.

Okay, well, then you're gonna have to go through

- your mom's closet. - What?

You want me to wear my mom's clothes to school?

- Mm-hmm. - In front of my boyfriend?

I've had this dream. It did not end well.

Ivy, for one day you can tone it down.

Then you have the rest of the school year

to dress like the animal of your choice.

Oh, it's getting late. I gotta go.

It's my dad's birthday.

Oh sorry, one more thing.

When you're on the stand tomorrow, you have to be very serious.

- It wouldn't hurt to cry a little. - Don't worry.

If I'm wearing my mom's clothes, I'll be crying.

Okay, this is our number for the show.

P.J., hit it.

And Charlie blows her horn. What do you think?

It's a two-day pass to super adventure land, right?

That is correct.

Okay, now I'm going to show you the dance that goes along with it.

The first move... very simple.

I call it the chug, kind of like what a train does.

A-one, two, three. A-one, two, three.

And a-one, two, three.

Okay, you guys line up and you do it.

- Daddy in front. - All right.

- P.J., Teddy, Gabe. - Okay.

- I guess dad's the engine. - I hope so.

If he's the caboose, this train's not getting very far.

The engine has ears, guys...

And feelings.

Okay, ready?

A-five, six, seven, eight.

And one, two, three. And one, two, three.

- And... honey, you're not moving your feet. - Sorry.

Okay, now you're not moving your arms.

Honey, this is hard.

Dad, it's just like patting your head and rubbing your stomach.

That must be really depressing for you.

Okay, let's assume we got the train

into the station somehow.

Okay, this next part is a little tricky,

so watch carefully.

I'm gonna break it down. Ready?

Five, six, seven, eight.

Touch, step, pas de bourree.

Kick, step, together, front and passe.

Turn, wait, ba-bam!

Now we're gonna sass it up a bit.

A-shoulder shoulder, tap tap.

Turn around and uh uh.

And whammy, and whammy, and whammy.

Ah ooh ooh!

Okay, now I want you to do exactly what I just did.

And a-five, six, seven, eight.

One, two...

What are you waiting for?

10 years of dance lessons.

I can't believe how much money we're making

selling our old junk online.

It's easier than taking candy from a baby.

I mean, I should know.

I take candy from Charlie all the time.

What's... what's with all the bubble wrap?

Uh... really fun to pop?

Hey, anybody seen my bowling ball?

You loaned it to Mr. dabney.

I think I would have remembered that.

You're starting to lose it, dad.