Barnacle Bill

Award of Lloyd's Medal to Captain William Horatio Ambrose,

master of the ship Arabella.

His vessel having suffered serious damage at night

in the English Channel, Captain Ambrose,

by his coolness, courage, and fine seamanship,

was able to save the lives of all passengers and crew

under his command, after which,

refusing offers of assistance,

he succeeded single-handed

Just one more, Captain.

Captain, I'm from The Daily Mirror.

And I'm from The Daily Telegraph.

I'm sorry, gentlemen.

I've already promised my story

to the Sandcastle Mercury.

Watch where you're going, Nelson.

Lost the other eye?

Captain Ambrose?

I'm Peters, Sandcastle Mercury.

So, you've managed to shake off the opposition.

First time an Ambrose ever had to dodge a press gang.

Yes.

Well, what are you having, Captain?

- Uh... - Oh, but of course.

Harry, a large rum, please.

That's a trim piece.

Go well in my cabin.

Sorry, sir, not for sale.

It's yours.

A small token of my admiration.

Oh, no, no, I'd much prefer to...

Oh, you can clap me in irons, Captain,

but I won't take no for an answer.

I'm an old sailor myself

and I can appreciate what you did.

I shall treasure it.

Thank you.

Shall we sit down, Captain?

You'll join me.

Oh, thank you.

By the way, your check from the paper.

Thank you.

I suggest we begin this story

with something about your great family tradition.

The Ambroses have always gone to sea, haven't they?

Always.

As far back as we can trace.

And, in fact, even farther.

From the dawn of time,

we have always moved in nautical circles.

Armada!

All through history,

on every great naval occasion,

we have made our presence felt.

Armada!

Another ancestor of mine sailed with Captain Cook.

He was the first white man to set foot on the Fiji Islands

He was much liked by the natives.

Then there was my great-grandfather.

He was one of Nelson's officers

and spent years an der See.

Hi!

Main gaff goes up!

My grandfather was captain of a windjammer.

During the great hurricane of the Virgin Isles,

he took the wheel himself.

My father was gunnery officer

aboard HMS Incompatible in 1916.

Down one.

He fell at Jutland.

Fire!

Hence our family motto:

Omnes per Mare.

I'm afraid my Latin...

- All at sea. - Ah.

And, of course, you had a distinguished naval career

yourself, Captain.

Distinguished?

I think distinctive is the better word.

I can truthfully say I stood out

from every other sailor of my time,

right from the days when I was a cadet at Dartmouth.

There goes Midshipman Queasy.

Can't even wait 'til we get out of harbor.

Worst case I've ever known.

I'm afraid there's no future for the boy in the Navy.

With his family record?

We'll have to find him something.

I was posted to HMS Standfast,

the training ship in the Midlands.

But a sailor like me wasn't cut out to be an instructor.

Then came the war,

and I had the honor of being selected by the Admiralty

to undertake certain secret trials.

During those six years,

I had experience of almost every type of ship

in His Majesty's Navy.

Corvettes, destroyers,

minesweepers, aircraft carriers,

they were all alike to me.

Turning green, I'm afraid.

We'll double the dose.

Sorry, Captain, gone five bells.

Gotta set you adrift.

That nonsense.

It beats me how you fellows stand for it.

Well, there's not many of us made like you, sir.

More's the pity.

And thanks again.

My privilege, Captain.

Cheerio.

Where now?

Well, I'm afraid we haven't got a London office.

What about a cup of tea?

Tea?

Follow me.

Kindly get me a couple of glasses.

Come along, man. Come along.

Look lively.

I, uh...

We don't have glasses here.

Nonsense.

What do you do when somebody faints?

There, you see?

That'll do for the other.

Thank you.

Where was I?

Hm?

Oh, your war record.

Oh, yes.

I was still doing trials for the Admiralty

when the war ended.

I was kept on the strengths

for further experiments until last year.

Then I got my bowler hat.

I must inform you, sir, that these tables

are only for the use of the clients of the bank.

That's all right, I have an account here.

For the proper conduct of their business.

Oh, very well, very well.

As I was saying,

I found myself on the beach

with my bowler hat.

Then one day, I saw that advertisement in your paper.

For £5,000, the answer to all my dreams.

One look at her photograph,

and I was on the telephone clinching the deal.

There you are.

For the price of my modest savings,

at last, a command of my own.

The Arabella.

The Arabella?

The Arabella.

Of course, I had little idea then

of the rough waters that lay ahead.

I hadn't the experience I have today

of the battle of life ashore.

Just a simple sailor, in fact.

- Excuse me. - Mummy,

there's a man here with all his clothes on.

There's a man hanging 'round these huts.

A man?

Run along, child.

This is not a right-of-way, you know.

I'm sorry, I didn't know.

It's purely for the use of people hiring my bathing house.

May I ask if you wish to hire one?

Oh, no, no, no, that's not why I'm here at all.

I thought not.

It's perfectly obvious why you are here.

You will kindly leave at once.

Very well, madam.

- Four, sir? - Four, please.

One shilling.

Let the two little ones go in together.

That's right, squeeze 'em up, give 'em a bit of fun.

One, two.

Three, four.

Thank you, sir.

What do you fancy for the big race, Tommy?

- One, please. - Thank you, sir.

Excuse me.

Are you one of the officers here?

If so, I'd like you to break off action.

Are you, uh...

The new captain.

The new owner.

Oh, I didn't expect you so soon.

My name is Figg.

I'm in charge here.

I don't wish to find fault as soon as I arrive,

Mr. Figg,

but wouldn't a salute be appropriate?

Salute?

You'd better send us a wire next time.

We'll have you piped aboard.

Where are the master's quarters?

You could ask the quartermaster.

Perhaps you would be good enough to tell me.

Well, that's the office along there.