Assholes: A Theory

A female colleague posed the question recently.

Do you have to be an asshole to be a great filmmaker, artist, architect, whatever.

It got me thinking. Trusting to serendipity,

I stepped into my favorite bookstore

where the muses often guide me.

After scanning the shelves, destiny did reward me.

Ass-holes: A Theory.

I immediately took it to the checkout counter.

Within days, I met with the author Aaron James,

philosophy professor and life-long Californian surfer.

I wanted to know what inspired his book.

So while I was surfing here, I saw a guy surfing

who was blatantly dropping in on some of the other surfers,

violating the rules of right-of-way,

and this person, when people complain, would get really angry

and yell at them as a way of getting waves.

Surfers are definitely used to having paradise spoiled by crowds,

and the asshole spoils it in a particularly pronounced way.

When I'm thinking this guy is an asshole,

I'm, I'm not just venting feelings,

I'm classifying him

as of a certain type of moral personality.

When you use that word, you're, you're thinking of a type,

and philosophers get interested in this kind of thing.

But, then when I started thinking it through the, about the asshole concept,

I thought, "Oh, well, can't you define the term? Isn't that a definable term?"

At that point, I started thinking, "Okay, this is, this really a general type,

you know, it's not, it's not just a surfer asshole concept."

There seems to be a lot more assholes this year

than any other year, especially in the public eye.

I'm not sure what's going on, but...

we're overwhelmed this year anyways.

We're doing a film based on the book, Assholes: A Theory

- and the author's saying, you know... - Oh, it's just not a theory,

- it's a reality. - It's a reality?

Oh, come on now, it's out there. It's reality.

The asshole as I define it

is the guy who allows himself

special advantages in cooperative life

out of an entrenched sense of entitlement

that immunizes him against the complaints of other people.

It's a great word to say, "What an asshole."

He's the guy who cuts in line at the post office,

taking a special advantage, um, in cooperative life.

You know, people are waiting in line and they'll allow someone in

for if they have an emergency or if it's a pregnant woman, right?

But this guy does it, um,

takes a special advantage for a different reason.

You know, uh, out of a sense of entitlement.

"Asshole," you can really lean into it, right?

"That guy is such an asshole."

And it could be any sense of entitlement.

He thinks he's rich and his time

is more important than other people,

or thinks he's especially smart or, or,

or beautiful.

The euphony of the word, right?

It just feels good to say, it sounds good to say.

And the upshot of his being entrenched in that sense of entitlement

is that, he's... he won't listen to others when they complain.

It was especially nice when he added the word "entrenched."

An entrenched sense of self entitlement,

that this is an abiding problem.

That it is a sort of deeply, it's very,

it sort of goes down into the bones almost of the person who has the problem.

It's generally somebody who says, "Let's talk about my favorite thing, me,"

generally, right? "Me, me, me, me."

The entitlement that,

"I'm more important than you.

What I do is more important than you.

Your feelings don't count.

You don't count. Your work doesn't count."

Assholes also like to take all the credit.

There's a teaming asshole ecosystem

and in it there are many different species, many different varieties.

Uh, for example, the boorish asshole,

the smug asshole, the self-aggrandizing asshole.

Uh, there's drunk assholes, arrogant assholes, smug assholes.

Um, narcissistic assholes.

Well, you got to kind of be a narcissist to be an asshole anyways.

The sexist asshole, the reckless asshole.

At work, there's the asshole boss.

There's no shortage. Out of any kind of person in the world,

there's more descriptive kinds for an asshole to a normal person, really.

So, we're blessed, I guess, with many kinds.

You are a fucking asshole, Frank.

That I am, never denied it.

But at least I'm an honest asshole.

I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes!

Sometimes in comedy,

um, behaving a bit like an asshole can be funny,

we can laugh at that, because it's not really serious.

Dad, what are you doing?

Well, I'm going to call the police.

Assholes in Aaron's book and in the movies yes,

but I needed to investigate their impact in the real world.

So I hit the streets of LA.

- Where are you from? - Mexico. I'm from Mexico.

And do you have assholes in Mexico?

Yeah, of course, we do.

I believe that all countries have assholes.

I mean, there's not one country that you can say that

there are not assholes at, at all.

Privileged behavior is on the rise,

and people...

seem to think that it's okay

to say and do almost anything.

They treat folks like they're invisible

and I think that's so unfortunate.

Do you have to deal with this behavior yourself?

- Like, have you come across it? - I'm a big black guy.

Most people don't bother me, you know what I mean?

If I look... If I just look without smiling.

Well, I think that starts at home.

It starts in the beginning. Uh, uh, today's people think

it's okay that they don't have to listen to nobody.

If they don't respect their parents, they not going to respect anyone else.

That's the way I look at it.

I met psychotherapist, Suji Gelerman

at home on a break from her LA office.

I asked her if LA was a fertile ground for assholery.

Where are the assholes?

Um, well, Hollywood has a large percentage of assholes.

You're an asshole!

I'm an asshole? She's the asshole.

She never called me once after we broke up.

That's because you're an asshole!

I think there's a higher percentage of narcissists

feeling like assholes because they just don't consider you.

And in the way that, um, Aaron would be talking about that

you have a certain kind of, uh, moral high ground

that you're better than other people.

Narcissists don't even know there are other people. Okay?

So if they don't know there's other people,

how can they even really process the fact

that they're being mean to you or unforgiving,

or unkind, or negating.

You don't really exist.

Bitter self-righteous hag who has no friends.

I guess in this society being male and an asshole

makes you worthy of our time.

The tyranny of assholedom, one of the places

that people don't talk that much about it is body image for women.

The tyranny of what it's like to be a young woman in our society,

an older woman, an invisible old women

and how you're treated, how you're treated

and people treat you really poorly.

Or young girls who aren't

the perfect body type, how that goes.

You know, how you're talked to, how your bullied,

how you're bullied by other kids,

that to me is real asshole behavior.

Harvey Weinstein? I think he's a perv.

I think he's a perv and an asshole.

What kind of therapy do you think

Weinstein's going through right now?

The pretense that I read was, you know, he's got sexual addiction problems.

That's the least of his problems is sexual addiction.

I have worked with people and the only reason

the abuser's changed was they truly saw

how it was created in them, what their behavior was

and how destructive it was and wanting to change.

Part of the asshole being entrenched in entitlement

is the idea that if they're a proper asshole and not sort of borderline,

um, case, then, then that means that I think it's extremely difficult

for them to see that there's a different,

you know, maybe what they're doing works for them,

their deeply invested in it, uh, um, um,

they're really are convinced. They really believe that they're,

you know, entitled and special in, in these ways,

um, and that's very tough to shake.

Being an asshole has a sort of like an edginess to it, you know?

Like when people say, "Oh, this person is an asshole,"

it gets people thinking, it's like, "Oh, what's this person all about?

Why is this person identified as an asshole?"

And it opens the door to let other people get to know you, you know?

It really puts the attention on you, you know?

Uh, I'm an attention whore. I love seeking attention.

What wants to make me want to be an asshole is just

seeing everybody else, seeing what their getting in life,

and then seeing what I've gotten in my life not being one...

it's a big difference. So...

I've definitely learned from my mistakes in that category

and I've, um, you know, altered that, so.

Yeah, I think that's why I, um, I'm choosing to be an asshole.

I feel like anyone who legitimately considers himself an asshole

isn't really an asshole.

Uh, I think it's like a person who got hurt in high school

so they, you know...

"Now I'm a dick in traffic," or whatever.

Uh, I think real assholes don't realize they're assholes.

Uh, an asshole is somebody who ought to know better

uh, then to be as arrogant as he is, uh,

and is in some sense repressing, uh, the information he has.

In that sense, an asshole is different from a prick

who can know perfectly well what's he's doing.

The asshole tells himself it's okay for one or another reason.

That's one reason why for example,

a five-year-old we might call a "little shit,"

but we wouldn't call a five-year-old a "little asshole."