King of the Hill

If I wasn't stealing so much beer from this place,

I'd totally quit.

Yeah, we should build our own MegaloMart.

Call it, like...

CooloMart.

HANK (chuckling): That's a good one.

Blue vest, incoming.

WORKERS (chanting): Who's the lowest? We're the lowest.

Megalo-team. Megalo-fun.

Exercises, huh?

I got to tell you, Norm,

when MegaloMart first came to town, I hated it,

but I got to admit,

I like buying my hammers and pants at the same store

so I can see how they look together.

Glad we won you over, Hank.

Since you've been handling our propane,

I don't have to spend time checking to see if the tanks are really filled.

That's why I call you "Full Tank Hank," Hank.

Well, that's catchy.

By the way, we got another shipment of those culottes your wife likes.

Just remember, a Chinese large is a medium.

Well, Peggy loves her culottes.

Dang it.

Just between you and me, we got a little rat infestation here.

Hank, you're tapped in, and I can trust you.

You know a good exterminator?

Someone who's discreet but can get the job done?

No.

-(sighs) -Yep.

Yup.

Ant.

Got him.

-You owe me five bucks. -No way.

Come on, Bill, I need the money.

That damned new PestPro franchise has been taking all my business.

If I could just get one good job, I'd be back on my feet.

Hey, Boomhauer, you any closer to getting married?

Dang ol'... huh?

I heard down at the chemical warehouse

that MegaloMart's taking bids for a rat problem.

Man, that would be a sweet gig.

I could start paying for Nancy's health insurance

instead of just telling Nancy I'm paying for it.

All right, Dale, I can see you need the work

and I know the manager at MegaloMart.

But be careful.

This is a very big client for me.

All right, Hank.

MALE VOICE (on TV): Hi, I'm Chuck Mangione

and at MegaloMart, our prices are falling faster than I am.

-(instrumental "Feels So Good") -(Hank sighs)

I just don't know about putting my reputation

in the hands of a man I wouldn't lend my mechanical pencil to.

Look, Dale needs this

and if there's one thing Dale can do, it's kill things.

Wait, wait, does MegaloMart still have a pet department?

-No. -He'll be fine.

Well, I guess he'd do the same for me.

I mean, whenever he prints up that money of his,

I'm usually on the 100-Gribble bill.

I don't know how to thank you, Hank.

I'll let the fellas down at Shoebox Greetings do it for me.

Just thank me by doing a thorough, discreet

professional, quiet, detailed, courteous, efficient job.

I won't let you down.

I'm actually going to spray poison

instead of walking around going "shh."

So, anyway, uh, the rats

have chewed through the wires in our security cameras

and destroyed several hundred dollars' worth of crackers.

Now, I don't want to alarm the customers so we got to keep a low profile.

You won't know I'm here, Glidewell

but the rats that drag their diseased bellies

across your merchandise will.

Mm. Mm.

And now, the bait.

Hmm.

Rat poison lasagna or rat poison Salisbury steak?

Ah, heck, Hank's reputation is on the line.

I'm gonna let this rat have it with both barrels.

Nothing.

What am I doing wrong?

I don't get it.

Wait. I've encountered a bite pattern like that before but where?

Hmm.

Here.

Now, where did I get that?

Hmm. Possum, possum, manatee...

Aha. Of course.

Jungle Country Safari.

I'm not looking for a rat at all.

This is art, man.

I told you, we should totally build stage designs for Creed.

Hank, it's going better than I could possibly have expected.

Oh, good. Did you catch it already?

Not yet, but I'm on the trail.

Remember when you said you hoped I learned my lesson

from that run-in with the baboon?

Well, let's just say, "Lesson learned and applied."

Dude.

Oops. Uh...

Have you noticed any baboons in the store lately?

From a distance, they may have looked

like a large, hairy customer with a bright red ass.

$39.99?

That's weird.

I bought this CD for $4.99 at CD Express

and I thought it was outrageously overpriced

albeit quite pleasant to make love to.

Yeah, man, it's real strange.

Sometimes we see things

and, like, the prices are totally marked wrong

and I know I didn't do it, and I know he didn't do it.

Yeah, and sometimes in the morning

the Mangione standees are all facing a different direction

than they were the night before.

How do you figure that?

Hmm.

You've added a piece to the puzzle.

Now, were the standees moved sloppily,

as if by a monkey or neatly, as if by a man?

Neatly.

As if by man.

Here's the deal, Glidewell.

This gig may be less

of a quote-unquote "extermination"

and more of a quote-unquote "murder."

Just tell me you can handle it.

Hank said you were the best.

Hank said that?

I mean, I knew he'd put in a good word for me

but... "the best"?

All right, I'll need to spend the night here

as my prey seems to be nocturnal in nature.

I don't know. It's against company policy.

I guarantee success by morning or Hank Hill is a braying jackass.

I really think

I did the right thing recommending Dale.

Hank, you are distracting my concentration.

I'm, I'm trying to teach Bobby how to play Don't Spill the Beans.

Out of beans.

That's six games in a row, Mom.

What? Now, that is impossible.

I've never lost anything six times in a row.

Bobby, open your mouth.

-Ah... -(phone rings)

-(handset clicks) -Hill residence.

Dale, is that you? Are you done?

It won't be long now. I'm working through the night.

You're spending the night in the store?

Is the rat problem that bad?

Rat problem?

Oh, of course, you still think there's rats here.

Well, don't beat yourself up, Hank.

I did, too, until the evidence pointed to baboon.

Baboon?

Dale, don't tell Glidewell there's a baboon.

It's not a baboon.

I know that.

I won't bore you with the details

but bottom line...

-it's Chuck Mangione. -What?

And I'm gonna flush him out tonight.

And Hank...

Glidewell told me you said I was the best.

I nearly teared up right there in front of him.

No. No. No. No.

-Don't worry, I didn't. -(phone beeps)

-(groans) -(line disconnects)

D-Dale, Dale?

You know, I have been thinking about it.

You never should have recommended Dale.

-(door opens) -(rat squeaks)

Dale's losing it at MegaloMart, Nancy.

We need some traps for the rats

and a tranquilizer gun for D... uh...

Also for the rats.

Hank, he has his whole self-esteem tied up in killing things smaller than he is.

If y'all catch the rat, please put it in his pocket

so he thinks he caught it.

Here, everyone put on a jumpsuit.

If Glidewell shows up we'll look like Dale's crew.

Now remember, find the rat kill the rat,pat Dale on the back.

That's where the culottes are.

Quit... re... sis... ting.

Ow.

Hah.

-Hank? -Ugh. Give me that.

What are you guys doing here?

Why are you wearing my backup jumpsuit?

And my backup's backups?

Hold on.