Everything's Going to Be Great

Say what now?

Vaginas make his flesh creep.

What-- What class was this for?

PE.

Whose vagina is he talking about?

General vaginas.

So... Wait.

You went to PE?

It was a class on CPR. They were discussing anginas.

So, he thought they said vaginas!

Oh, I mean, he isn't exactly sexually active.

He hasn't even seen one. We talk about sex all the time.

- Usually during carpool. - Mr. Smart--

Which is why my mom drives us now.

In history class, Les was assigned

one page on Manifest Destiny.

Instead, he turned in

a nine-page Wizard of Oz musical

set in the French Revolution he calls "Les Wiz."

I'm sorry. I'm trying to understand.

Aren't nine pages better than one?

That wasn't the assignment.

Les, would you please step outside?

Like it's my fault vaginas make my flesh creep.

You haven't seen one yet!

It's because he hasn't seen one yet.

Mr. Smart,

you may need to consider the possibility that Les...

is homosexual.

That is a remarkable statement.

You know I'm in theater, right?

For a living. I produce regional theater.

I don't see what that has to do with--

Uh, just follow the plot.

Theater teaches empathy.

We don't care if someone's black or white--

Neither do we.

Don't care if they are gay or straight...

- Neither do we. - Rich, poor, thin, fat--

Neither do we!

We don't care who they happen to love,

or have sex with, Mrs. Franklin.

As long as they are talented--

Christian.

- Talented. - Christian.

- Talented. - Christian.

You know, Les, I've always felt deeply sorry

for people who couldn't appreciate me.

Noël Coward, 1899 to 1973!

I was from Teddington, Middlesex, you see.

Have you ever played Teddington, Middlesex?

Not yet.

Well, if you do, just make the best of it.

My point is, Les, I was a boy actor like you.

You and I think differently than other boys and girls.

I'd like to fit in, Noël. But I don't know how, I guess.

It didn't bother me in the least.

I call bullshit.

I never cared who scored the goal,

or which side won the silver cup.

I never learned to bat or bowl.

But I heard the curtain going up!

Come on, Les. Let's go pick up your mother and brother.

I hate this school. No one gets me.

You're a weirdo. It's not their fault.

Wait till you get to high school.

You'll find your people.

Derrick likes high school.

Derrick likes pushing the button in elevators.

Well, you're more complicated than your brother.

You're an artist, like me.

But Derrick's popular. You gave Derrick a popular name.

You actually gave me a name with no value.

Les--

If dirt were a name, you would've called me dirt.

Nice. Clever and dramatic.

You'll be happy too. It's inevitable.

Were you popular in middle school?

Five people are popular in middle school, Dirt.

I already knew I wanted

to produce shows on Broadway when I was your age.

Who wants to do that in middle school?

Talk about weirdos.

Does it bother you it never happened?

Things change on a dime in show business.

It could still happen, you'll see.

Come on.

Vaginas scared me too at first.

Don't worry about it. Vaginas will grow on you.

Buddy, you need to talk with your son.

Why are they mine when they're in trouble?

Ernie Saracino wants to quit.

Les.

Why is it me? It could be Derrick.

He says Les just arbitrarily

sneaks into scenes during the show.

I didn't sneak.

I told him I really think I should be in more scenes.

You're not the director. You can't--

It's Fiddler on the Roof.

I'm pretty sure there were children in Anatevka.

Ernie Saracino is the best,

least expensive director we have.

We cannot afford to lose him.

And he's tired of you upstaging everyone.

Derrick almost lost his virginity.

- Hey! - Almost?

How almost?

- Her name's Annabeth Devine. - Shut up!

Maybe Anna Bess. She lisps.

Well, invite her over for dinner.

We'd all like to meet her.

No.

No? It's not like you're embarrassed by us or anything.

Dad, of course I am.

Well, then bring her by the theater on a matinee day.

She won't even know we're checking her out.

No one I know wants to go to the theater.

God, I don't even want to be at the theater matinee days.

I-I'd rather do football.

- Okay? They're having-- - That's just a phase.

I could easily make the team at this school.

It's not my rule, there are eight shows a week.

That's just the way it is.

I'm not doing any more musicals.

You are not the only 16-year-old

who has to work in the family business.

You don't even pay me.

Well, you're not very good.

Just bring her over for dinner.

Uh, no, better yet,

we'll be having auditions at the house

for Raisin in the Sun soon.

Bring her by then. She will love it.

She won't, Dad. She's normal.

She'll grow out of it.

We'll stay with your Uncle Abram!

We're staying with your Uncle Abrams!

We're staying with your Uncle Abrams!

The whole world has to know our business!

Stop yelling and start packing.

I don't need your advice, Golde.

We have a train to catch, and a boat.

Children, put the bundles on the wagon.

Work hard, Motel.

Come to us soon.

Go on. Do it!

Why go through life unnoticed?

Ruth Gordon, 1896 to 1985.

Which scene are you crashing?

I promised my dad I wouldn't.

Well, some days, you have to lie.

This next scene's the one I really wanna get into.

They're forced to leave their little village of Anatevka.

So they stand in a circle holding hands,

then let go and go their separate ways.

It's symbolic.

Terrific!

But I don't know how to get in the circle

'cause they're holding hands.

Just do it. You'll figure it out.

You gotta go out there and show 'em what you got.

Don't worry about Ernie Saracino.

What can he do?

Go on. Make it great.

Bring the scene up to your great level.

Go! Go!

What the hell are you doing?

I'm leaving Anatevka!

Honey, our electric bill

is killing us.

Couldn't we raise the temp in the theater a bit?

It doesn't need to be like a morgue in there.

Cold keeps the audience alert.

And it keeps us in debt.

Let's just go to sleep.

Seems to me the only thing we ever fight about is money.

Well, I'm an American. And I love money.

Honestly, though,

you know what I'm afraid of, Buddy?

Silence?

Look, we are rich in other ways.

And I've got some coals in the fire.

Big things are coming.

- I saw Reverend Jackson. - Mace--

Millions of people find comfort in God.

You act like it's just me.

I just don't want to be associated with it.

I was raised by two of the meanest, churchiest women--

I'm not your horrible dead aunts, I'm your wife.

And if you loved me, you would at least be open to it.

But if you loved me, you wouldn't try to change me.

It's because I love you, Buddy.

It would break my heart to watch you die without God.

Sweetie, who says I'm going first?

- Mm. - Hmm?