Seinfeld

Now, I was thinking the other day about hair

and that the weird thing about it is that

people will touch other people's hair.

You will actually kiss another human being right on the head.

But if one of those hairs should somehow be able

to get out of that skull and go off on its own,

it is now the vilest, most disgusting thing

that you can encounter.

The same hair.

People freak out. "There was a hair

in the egg salad."

Say it's Saturday night in Spain.

They go out dancing.

Think they do the flamenco?

I would think.

So you could a woman for a date,

ask her if she's free for dinner and a flamenco.

You don't flamenco on the first date.

I wish the flamenco was popular here.

Yeah? Would you do it?

Yes, I think I would.

Well, I knew you had an affinity for it,

because it's the dance of a very proud people.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Nana.

What?

Oh, all right. Okay, don't worry about.

Okay, I'll see you later.

All right, bye.

I have to go over to my grandmother's.

What for?

I have to open a bottle of ketchup for her.

So, what, no lunch?

No, we have time.

Oh. How's she doing?

Starting to slip a little.

Sometimes she has trouble distinguishing between

-the past and the present. -Yeah.

You know, there's got to be an easier way to open ketchup.

They should make it in a tube.

Like toothpaste? Yeah.

There's a squeeze ketchup.

I've seen squeeze mustard.

I've never seen squeeze ketchup.

Well, if they make squeeze mustard,

doesn't it stand to reason that they make squeeze ketchup?

Not necessarily.

Mustard lends itself to the squeeze.

I really don't see the difference.

Oh, there's a difference.

Subtle. It's subtle.

Hey, uh, isn't Elaine supposed to meet us?

Yeah, there she is.

Uh-oh.

What?

Oh, she's with her friend Wendy.

Wendy?

Is that the physical therapist?

Yeah, I'm on a kiss-hello program with her.

Really?

Yeah, every time I see her, I gotta kiss hello.

I just did it once on her birthday.

Somehow it mushroomed.

Now I dread seeing her because of it.

Hey.

You know, I'm down to one kiss hello.

My aunt Celia.

Well, that's fortunate.

I really admire that.

Really?

I never heard you say you admired me for anything.

No, I told you I admire your hearing.

Oh, don't slough that off.

You have great hearing.

Hi. Hi.

Hi.

Did you ever meet George? Hi.

Hi. Wendy.

You're a physical therapist, right?

Yes.

You know, I got this little swelling here.

You know, it's kind of tender.

What do you make of that?

George.

Have you tried heat and ice on it?

Oh, that-- That really seems like a lot of trouble.

You could come by my office later.

I could work on it for you a little.

Oh. Okay.

Here, let me give you my card.

Oh, thank you.

Well, I'll see you guys later.

Nice meeting you. Bye, Elaine.

Bye, Wendy. I'm sorry.

-Bye, Jerry. -Bye.

What did you do that for?

What?

Ask about your arm.

I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm?

She's a physical therapist.

She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.

Why not?

Because it is what she does.

I love these people. You can't ask them questions.

They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb

the delicate genius

unless it's in the confines of an office.

When huge sums of money are involved,

then the delicate genius can be disturbed.

George, you got a little something right here.

People think they're so important.

Well, I'm going on record right now.

That was my last kiss hello.

I'm getting off the kiss program with her.

Why?

Well, you know, frankly,

outside of a sexual relationship,

I don't see the point to it.

I'm not thrilled with all the handshaking either.

But one step at a time.

What are you getting?

And what's with that hairdo, by the way?

Oh, yeah. I know.

It's not very flattering.

She looks like something out of an old high school yearbook.

You should say something to her.

Oh, I could never say anything to her about that.

Yeah, Kramer's the only person who could say

something like that.

Yeah.

Well, just tell Kramer to tell her.

No, if you tell him to do it, he'll never do it.

What you have to do is introduce him,

and then he'll just come out with it.

Yes. Yes. You're right.

That's right.

I'll bring her over to meet Kramer.

Hi.

Hello, boys and girls.

Yeah. Hey, listen.

I need a picture of you, buddy.

What for?

Well, I'm putting everybody's picture up

in the lobby of our building.

Why?

So everyone will know everybody's name.

See, people are gonna be a lot friendlier.

I don't want my picture plastered up in the lobby.

Imagine walking by someone on the floor

and you say "Hey, Carl," and he says "Hey, Jerry."

See, that's the kind of society I want to live in.

Kramer, I don't want to stop and talk with everyone

every time I go in the building.

I just want to nod and be on my way.

You know, your eyeliner is smudged a little.

Why do you wear so much eye makeup?

Yeah.

This is gonna work out just fine.

Ma, again with the ketchup.

Don't they have them in the plastic squeeze containers?

Jerry!

Hello!

Hello, Uncle Leo!

What are you doing here?

Nana called me to open the ketchup bottle.

Yeah, me too.

Hello, Jerry.

Hi, Nana.

Aren't you gonna kiss her hello?

Yes, yes. Of course.

Well, here's the bottle.

I'll do it. I got it.

-Give it to me. -Will you stop it.

Jerry, will you give me the bottle.

Uncle Leo.

All right.

Take it.

You should let Buddy open it.

Buddy?

He lived next door to us 45 years ago.

Leo, did you give Helen the $50?

What $50?

Your father won $1000 at the track last week,

and he gave you 100,

and you were supposed to give $50 to your sister.

Ma,

Dad died in 1962.

Believe me, I don't owe your mother $50.

I'm just not getting any hot water.

Believe me, I know there's nothing worse than

when your shower's not working.

I'll take care of it soon, Jer.

Thanks, Julio. All right.

Oh, hey.

Hey, hello.

What's going on here?

Uh, nothing, nothing.

Well, what are you doing?

I-- I need a pen.

What for?