Mean Girls 2

There are times in your life when you find yourself

in very awkward situations.

I mean, just look at that face, Jo.

Abby needs you.

We need you.

And we'’re willing to pay.

And this would be one of those moments.

But I swear, it'’s not like I'm selling my kidney or anything.

Although, that would have been less painful.

But I'’m getting ahead of myself.

Let me start at the beginning.

And it'’s the big day, the qualifying race of the Indy 500.

- She takes her position... - This is my dad.

...revs the motor of her stock car, hoping...

To not crash and burn on the last lap of adolescence.

- Oh, that'’s my girl. - Dad built engines for race cars.

And so did I.

Ignore the pigtails. I was more naive back then.

Because of his work, I changed schools

two times a year for the past eight years.

This doesn'’t make me a loner with a highly evolved defense mechanism or anything.

OK, fine, it does.

Today, everything was about to change.

It was my first day at North Shore High,

the last stop before Carnegie Mellon University,

my dream school.

My rules of survival were simple:

Don'’t stand out, never raise your hand in class

and watch your back at all times.

New town, same school, same parking lot.

Everyone obsessed with the freedom of their first car.

It'’s an identity, like the muscle cars who think they own the road,

and check out every passing vehicle.

- Smart cars who don'’t fit in. -

- Whoa! - The "I'’m so perky I might

shake off my tube top" cutesy cars.

- - And then there'’s the most dangerous vehicle on the road,

the high-performance, high-maintenance sports cars.

If they liked you, your life was all green lights.

- Hi. - Hi.

If they didn'’t,

you were nothing more than a wreck on the side of the road.

At North Shore, they were called the Plastics,

and Mandi Weatherly was the number one Plastic.

She dotted her name with a signature heart above the "I."

Probably because she didn'’t actually possess that organ.

Her two sidekicks were Chastity Meyer,

who was stupid enough to hit a home run with any boy willing to play,

and Hope Plotkin, uber-hypochondriac,

who believed that germs led to ugliness,

and ugliness led to death.

And thus, my number one rule for survival: no girl drama.

- - Actually, no drama, period.

Please, please, don'’t be ruined!

And in high school, an already embarrassing moment can go from bad...

- Whoa! - Oh!

...to worse.

- Are you OK? - How bad do I look?

She couldn'’t have looked worse.

- You look great. - Really? Thanks.

I'’m Abby Hanover. Yeah, you must be new.

I'’m part of the welcoming committee. Well, there'’s only two of us really and...

...and I'’d... I'd love to show you around.

- Are they gone? - Yeah.

Listen, I think I can find my way to the front office, thanks.

So, Jo, I see your dad'’s big in NASCAR.

Well, let me set your mind at ease.

We know how to deal with celebrities here at North Shore.

One of our lunch ladies was on the first season of American Idol.

- Good to know. - Yeah, it was pretty hot.

- And, uh, we'’re also aware of your many moves. - OK.

'’Cause we're aware that students who move around a lot

often wind up as serial killers or actors.

Hey, did I mention we have an excellent drama department?

I'’m not really into drama,

but I do know you have an advanced shop class.

Ah, menial laborer rather than intellectual.

I can respect that.

Um, the cheerleading squad

will be going to the public library for a field trip.

Now, last year, we had some problems with that,

where we had 12 girls go,

and we had 15 girls come back.

I know how much you all love vampires,

but remember, the school nurse will be

heading up the blood drive, so sign up for that now.

Home ec'’s down the hall, miss.

Actually, as refreshingly sexist as that is,

I'’m here for Advanced Shop.

- Drafting class. - Right.

Well, we lost Mike to that circular saw incident,

so you can be Tyler'’s partner.

OK, everybody, get started on your birdhouses.

Trusses or triangles, I don'’t care.

That'’s about all I can deal with right now.

- Hey, Tyler, I'’m Jo. - Hey.

- What'’s his deal? - Well, uh, Mr. Giamatti

bleeds Texas A&M maroon and white, and they lost Saturday.

Well, if they want to be taken seriously, they better beat the Longhorns.

Don'’t let Giamatti hear you say that.

And just when a guy seems all dreamy

and has eyes you can fall into...

So we have to build a lame birdhouse. Um...

I guess you could decorate it.

...he opens his mouth and sounds like an ass.

Wow, thanks.

But I was thinking I could

carve the dovetail joint.

- I'’m impressed. - That makes one of us.

In every school, students have their lunch gang.

As my dad says, your racer is only as good as your pit crew.

Cutest dog ever, Mandi!

Thanks! Coco Chanel really sets off my new purse.

You had her checked for rabies, right?

Too bad you couldn'’t get the new Prada bag with the fringe.

Would'’ve totally matched her brown fur.

Hello! Fringe is so out.

And I'’m at the top of the wait list for the new, patent leather Prada satchel.

But you'’ve already waited, like, six months for the fringe...

Of course, Mandi, fringe is so past tense.

Voguesays crimson is the new accessory,

and you'’re totally gonna rock that look.

Oh, I know.

Lost much, little freshies? Scram.

Ten dogs in a minute. Let'’s do this!

You guys are goin'’ down. We'’re gonna win, come on.

- Yeah. Yeah, let'’s go, let's go. - Come on.

- Nick, focus! - Come on, man.

Chastity, stop drooling.

You know what Mandi thinks about you and Tyler.

What are you talking about?

Do not play dumb with me.

I don'’t have to play dumb.

Besides, the cashier totally sneezed on your salad.

Ew!

- Ugh! - Pay up, you two losers.

- -

Ugh, God, Nick is just so nasty.

I'’m only dating him '’cause he's probably getting a full ride to UCLA.

You know, one week in LA and I'’ll be

a bikini model-hyphen-reality star-hyphen-awesome!

- I heard Amy Hall is totally into him. - Oh, she wouldn'’t dare.

Nickie, over here. I missed you.

- Hey, babe. - Hey, have you been lifting weights?

- Oh, dude, your rat-dog just tongued me. -

Shut up, Nick. You'’ll hurt Coco Chanel'’s feelings.

- Aah! - No groping south of the equator.

- Or north, creep. -

Wow, the hot chick can really handle herself.

- Wonder what else she can handle. -

- Who the hell is she? - Her name is Jo, Jo Mitchell.

She'’s in my bio class.

Somebody said she came somewhere, from, like, Florida or Texas.

Then I also heard that she'’s an exchange student from Russia.

Oh, what did they exchange her for?

She'’s kinda pretty, don'’t you think?

Well, if you'’re into pleather.

Hello, there. Hi, Coco Chanel.

Go back to Mandi, go on. Go, go, go.

- All right, just a little bit. -

- - Where'’s Coco Chanel?

Bad little girl.

- -

- -

Oh, my God! Who did that?

- Who fed Coco Chanel? - It was Abby.

- Abby did it. - You? Again?

I'’m sorry, I didn't know. I'’m really sorry, Mandi!

I'’ll buy you another purse.

Or you can just have mine.

Is that what I think it is?

- Uh-oh, duck. - I love ducks.

It'’s, um, the Prada fringe purse.

My dad got it for me last month, but...

Last month? Ugh, just go!

- Aah! - Oh!

Stay down there, and don'’t ever look at me again.

Better yet, don'’t even breathe the same air.

Hey. Well, how was it?

I saw a girl become roadkill in the cafeteria.

Gotta love high school.

Speaking of my escape, has my Carnegie Mellon application arrived?

Hey, you know, I was lookin'’ today,

and I saw that the University of Ohio has a great architectural program.

You could stay close to home,

transform Toledo into an architectural wonderland.

Dad, what'’s going on?

I'’m applying early decision to Carnegie Mellon.

Eh, what do you wanna go there for, huh?

They don'’t even have a good mascot. I mean, a Scottish terrier.

Who'’s gonna be intimidated by that?

Plus, you, uh...

You qualify for in-state tuition here.

Oh, my God.

What happened to my tuition?!

Aw, Jo... Look, I'’m sorry.

I kept hoping that the market would rebound,

but my investments are in the tank, and now NASCAR sponsors have cut spending...

Then make them un-cut spending!

Mom went to Carnegie Mellon, I... I have to go there.