Asterix & Obelix: The Middle Kingdom (Astérix & Obélix: L'Empire du Milieu)

ASTERIX & THE MIDDLE KINGDOM

The year is 50 BC.

All of Gaul is under Roman occupation.

All of it?

No!

One village of indomitable Gauls

keeps up the good fight against the invader.

And life is not easy for the Roman legionaries

in their camps at Totorum, Aquarium, Laudanum and Compendium.

What I love in life

Is wandering day and night

In the forest what's really fun

Is going for a wander with my chum

It rhymes.

Obelix, our lifestyle isn't healthy.

Too much meat.

- Too much meat? - Sure.

Wild boar for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Supper, too!

Not to mention ale.

It can't be good for us.

What else is there to eat?

I don't know. We could try balancing it out with...

vegetables.

Veg...

Vegetables?

You make me laugh, Asterix.

Hear him, Dogmatix?

Imagine chewing a stick of celery, not a bone!

Vegetables!

You can laugh.

I honestly don't see the point of ruining our health.

Same with the magic potion.

Could be, it's bad for our systems.

Where's the data, honestly? Where?

Above all, do we really need it?

You okay?

No, I'm not okay.

I'm just saying, throwing in a mixed salad, mushrooms...

Chestnuts! When they're in season, obviously.

You snagged one already. Leave the poor things alone.

Peek-a-boo, loopy loolas!

Ave!

Sorry, we're lost. Who knew we're so near the village?

Me. I kept telling you.

- Didn't. - Did.

And you said, "To hell with the Gauls!

"They get up my nose.

"They can shove their menhirs."

I'm a terrible liar.

Leave this to me.

I'll show you I don't need this.

Strength is here.

And here.

Take a seat, sit tight and enjoy the show.

Hello.

Stupid helmet! I blame the helmet.

You plan to step in?

No, not allowed.

Help me, silly!

Harder!

Not fair!

Cheat!

Not at all. Without it, same result.

You don't have to.

I do.

Where is everyone?

It's hardly fresh.

- And you are? - What?

No, nothing.

Getafix, he won't let me smoke my boar in the house.

Just because Mr Asterix has decided to quit

doesn't mean I have to.

Panacea!

Panacea!

Morning, girls.

- Coming to the market? - Yes!

Hi, Panacea.

Hi, Obelix.

I just wanted to say...

I carved this menhir thinking of you. It's a gift.

Sweet, but what use is it to me?

See you.

She refused it.

She refused my menhir.

Obviously. It weighs a ton.

What use is it? Put it on her finger?

Getafix, your sickle.

Thanks, Fulliautomatix.

Slow down.

Say...

Asterix has the right to change his diet.

Not everyone else's.

Getafix, what's wrong?

I'm sinking.

You're sinking?

It must be quicksand.

There is no quicksand in the region.

If you ask me, someone needs to know.

Chariot ahoy!

Chariot ahoy!

Excuse me.

Some nights, my voice just wants to scream

Shut it, will you!

For once, I had a customer.

For once, you have fresh fish!

What? My fish isn't fresh?

I'll take a look.

For Louise and Marcel

Hold still.

Bankruptis, already here? It's not autumn.

You were hit?

- Where's your uncle? - Quiet, for goodness' sake!

My friends, how are you?

I come from China to ask for help.

It's nuts!

Why are you blond?

I was going to say.

I'm a Gaul, all right? Always have been.

Please... No slip-ups.

No slip-ups, I'm begging you.

I'll explain. Come on.

That one...

The beautiful girl fast asleep

is a princess.

Named Sa See. Daughter of the Empress of China.

You do know where China is?

- Two princesses! - Actually, no.

That's her bodyguard. Miss Tik.

Believe me, she's insane. Smashed everyone on the way.

She smashed Scythians, smashed Parthians, smashed Huns!

A beautiful woman.

A female bodyguard? Don't make me laugh!

Go ahead, laugh.

Share with us your Alpha male experience.

Alpha male, just try to touch her.

- Be my guest. - All right.

There you go!

You drank potion?

No.

I don't get it.

I get what's going on.

And you'd better stop right now.

Princess and I are more than friends, see?

- You are? - We are.

Princess...

We have arrived.

What is all this?

- It's the chief! - Run!

Vitalstatistix is chief of all us Gauls.

Glad to see you, by Toutatis!

Where's your Uncle Ekonomikrisis? His silk scarves are too small.

Really?

He said they'd loosen up. I look loose?

- No. - He's a crook!

He sent me. Let me explain.

Allow me to introduce Princess Sa See,

daughter of the Empress of China.

Who's she?

- Thanks, Bankruptis. - You're welcome.

Great Chief Vitalstatistix, let me explain the reasons for my visit.

Getafix, is China far?

Yes, it's where the sun rises. That way.

Since the Princess's story could be very, very long,

and not devoid of emotion,

allow me to give you a potted version.

The Princess lives with her mother, the Empress,

who reigns with difficulty, since her husband's death,

over her nation's six kingdoms.

Beloved by her people, the Empress is confronted by ambitious princes,

who secretly covet her throne.

The trouble began on the birthday of Princess Sa See,

whom you met in the village.

So this is a flashback.

Another vase?

Each year, same deal. Who's interested in Chinese vases?

I'm 20 today, and never left this palace. Just gardens and guards!

Sa See, for your security, you know...

Father promised to take me to Lutetia. Its shops, its taverns...

I want to see Gaul.

We discussed this. It's dangerous to travel so far.

The answer is no.

Here, open this one.

It's a coin with your head on it. Newly minted.

To buy a dress in Lutetia?

Sa See!

Prince Deng Tsin Quin...

I hear you raised taxes again in your kingdom,

while your people endures famine.

If I may, Your Majesty,

Julius Caesar levied taxes across the Roman world, and it works!

No pain, no pleasure, as they say back home.

Who is he?

Pu Nee, my new strategic advisor.

In Rome, he wielded power and influence.

Put the Chinese people before bad Roman advice.

Naturally, Your Imperial Majesty.

Before I leave,

have you considered my marriage proposal?

I spoke with Princess Sa See.