South Park

As we steer out boats, looking for these dangerous predators.

There's a king croc right there. He must be 4 meters. 12, 13 feet long at least.

This croc has enough power in his jaws to rip my head right off. - Oh no!

I've got to be careful.

So what I'm gonna do is sneak up on him and jam my thumb in his butthole.

Holy crap, dude! - If I get bit out here, I'm 200 km from the nearest hospital.

I better be real careful jamming my thumb in his butthole.

- Oh boy he's pissed of now! - Go dude go!

I'm gonna jam my thumb in his butthole now. This should really piss him off.

Oh yeah that pissed him off alright! I've got to be careful!

This guy rules!

- I told you guys. - Well, that was quite an angry croc,

but I managed to escape with only a few bruises and a shattered left testicle.

Next week, we'll look for more of these beautiful creatures

so we can learn more about them by pissing them off in their sleep.

- Thanks for watching. - Dude, let's go look for crocodiles!

There's bound to be some crocs out here. I'll use my croc-call and try and bring them in.

That's not how a croc sounds you fatass penis!

Now I'm gonna kick my friend Kyle in the bean-bag and see what happens, boy crocky

- Get away from me, Cartman! - Come here, crocky.

- Dude! - Help!

Good job Cartman! You killed Kyle! - You bastard!

Well he shouldn't called me fat.

Why the hell not?! That's like calling the sky blue!

Well screw him, he's dead! Let's go look for crocodiles. - You guys!

Hey, he's still alive. Kyle, are you okay?

- I think so. I Cartman out there? - I'm right here, Kyle.

Cartman, you fuckin hunk of fat rat fuckin hunk of pig fuckin ass fat!

Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Say that to my face, pussy!

- Can you climb back up, dude? - I don't think so.

Dammit! I guess I'll have to go get him. - No, come on you guys, let's go look for crocodiles.

Whoa, dude! This is making me sick!

- Sick dude! - Sorry!

- What the hell are you doing, fat boy?! - Screw you, hippie!

Come on dude! I wanna get out of here.

Alright, just grab the rope. Wait a minute. What's this?

Dude! It's a dude!

- He's like some frozen guy! - Come on you guys, it's getting cold up myah!

Shut up Cartman! Dude, I saw this in a movie once.

The old cavemen get frozen,

and then people discover them and make them their caveman friend. - Wow! Cool!

You guys, there's a frozen ape man from the past down here! Send some more rope!

- Really! Hey, there's a frozen guy down there! - Help me chip some of the ice away.

Hey you guys! This was just like that one movie, um, Jon Travolta...

and that French chick were doing it all summer long,

and they went back to school and sang songs about grease lightning.

You know, the movie is Sandra Dee checking out Prissy

and the Italian chick gets an abortion but she...

Cartman will you shut the hell up and get some more rope! - Screw you guys anyway!

Hey remember when that kid found a wallet and he get a reward?

Yeah, sweet! Maybe we can get a reward for the frozen guy!

- Hooray! - Hooray!

Where should we bring it?

I don't know. We just have to get it to town and then let them figure out what to do with it.

- I think I'm gonna name it Gorak. - No dude, we have to name it Steve.

Steve? What the hell kind of caveman name is Steve? - It's my name. And I found him!

- You didn't find him. I found him. - What are you talking about dude?

I fell down that abyss and there it was.

You wouldn't have even noticed it if I hadn't pointed it out.

Kenny, who found the ice man? - - Yeah, I think you ought to name him Steve.

I think we're almost there you guys.

Alright people, the next order of business is a very serious matter.

We need to vote on whether South Park should reinstate the death penalty or not.

- All those in favor say yippie! - Yippie!

Wait what was that? I missed the question. Yippie!

- All those opposed say nay! - Nay!

- Screw you! - Hey! Screw you!

Hi! Excuse me!

Not now, kids! The town is having a very important debate on capital punishment!

But we found a frozen ice man from the past!

I found this frozen guy in the woods today.

No! I found this frozen guy in the woods today!

- What the hell is going on here?! - We came for our reward.

- Yeah, like a kid with a wallet. - Reward? What reward?

Mayor, I think the boys may have stumbled on to something here.

You see mayor, frozen links are often found, dinosaur eggs, woolly mammoths.

This specimen could be a missing link in our evolution. If I could unfreeze the body,

and perform an autopsy, I could learn much about this creature's people and it's time.

- Sure sure sure, be my guest, knock your socks off! - Thank you mayor.

Oh! And boys, I can't give you a reward for finding this creature,

but if you'd like, I'll let you name him.

- Really? - Sweet! How 'bout Steve?

- Steve it is. - Wait a minute! His name is Gorak!

Come on, Steve, we've got work to do.

Unfreezing this body will be quite delicate work.

We'll have to use the most advanced methods available.

This is very exciting! He could be a Neanderthal,

or an australapithocus from the paleolithic era.

Do you see that Kevin? These clothes are from Eddie Bauer!

I haven't seen anybody wear clothes from Eddie Bauer since 1996.

This is incredible! Think of all we can learn from this body! All that it teach us!

Let's hope the press doesn't get wind of this right away.

Stand back people, there's nothing to see here.

- What about the prehistoric ice man? - Oh yeah, there is that.

Dr. Mephesto, could you please tell us what's going on?

Ladies and gentlemen, we still have a lot of work to do.

But it is my opinion that this man has been frozen in time for over 32 months.

Yes it's true, although at this early stage

we know very little about this man or the time from which he comes.

Fascinating news tonight from South Park!

An ancient discovery of a prehistoric man actually frozen in ice!

A team of scientists continues to try and unfreeze the body

so that it can be autopsied and studied.

The caveman was discovered by Kyle Brovlofsky, who had this to say:

Well, I fell down this ice cavern and I saw this block of ice...

The prehistoric ice man is thought to be from the late neo-post-Jurassic era,

where he was probably a part of a hunting and gathering

tribe that lived on Waterston street.

That's it Kevin! We can begin the autopsy.

What's this?!

- Holy crap! He's alive?! - That's impossible! Do an EKG on him.

- My God he really is alive! The ice must've preserved him. - Well, quick, do something!

No no! We've got to think this through!

Mayor, this man has not been conscious for almost three years!

He won't understand what he sees! He'll be frightened and confused!

Well, you can't just let him die!

Perhaps death is better than the shock he will take trying to adapt to our time.

- Oh my goodness! It looks as if he's about to speak! - Where... where am I?

- What? - What's he saying? - Is that English?

- What? You're hungry? - Where am I?

- You're hungry? - What's going on?

Me friend... friend. Me friend... Mephesto.

Me-phes-to.

If we could understand what he's saying, then maybe we could get some answers.

If only there was someone who could communicate with him on a level

as primitive as his own. A mind like a child.

- Dude, I wanted to call him Gorak. - Gorak's a gay name.

- No it isn't! - Why you being such a dick?

I'm not being a dick, you're being a dick!

Hello children. Dr. Mephesto needs one of you

to help him out in his lab with the prehistoric ice man.

- I'll go! - No I'll go! I found him!

Damn, I've never seen you guys fight like this. - Alright, there's only one fair way to do this.

Everyone stick out their potatoes.

My mother and your mother were out hanging clothes.

My mother punched your mother in the nose. What color blood came out?

B-L-O-O... uh... O spells blue...

and that means that you will go to the lab and help out Mephesto,

and then we could all go home and watch Murphy Brown.

- Steve! You! - Where am I?

Steve, Steve.

- Oh good, your here. - Oh my God! They revived Gorak!

You bastards! - Yes, and I need you to communicate with him.

See if you can understand what he's saying.

- Uh, hi! - Hi.

- What'd he say? - He said hi.

- Very interesting. - Where am I? - What?

- He wants to know where he is. - Tell him... tell him he's home.

You're home.

- In the year 1999. - It's 1999?!

- He's been frozen for the past 32 months. - Dude, you've been frozen for 32 months.

- And we found you... - What?! 32 months?!

Alright alright! Calm down. I think that's enough for today.

Good job, dude, you freaked him out!

Shut up assmaster! You're just jealous that they had me talk to him!

Guess what! You're not my best friend anymore! Cartman's my new best friend!

Oh yeah! Well you're not my best friend anymore either!

Cartman in now my best friend! - Killer! - Fine!

- Fine! - Fine!

- Are you Alphonse Mephesto? - The same.

We understand that you are currently in

possession of the prehistoric ice man from 1996?

- That's right. - We would like to...

We would like to offer our services in your experiments. - Where are you gents from?

From the University... of America. - Well, there's not a lot to see, but come on in.

He's still not responding much to us. The shock is still settling in,

but we've made great progress now that he's in the habitat.

- Habitat? - Yes, Kevin and I designed a habitat for Steve to live

in that is completely like his own world. Everything is 1996 oriented.

Amazing! He looks so much like us!

Yes! Well Kevin has done a lot of work in figuring out how related to us

Steve really is. He came up with this drawing.

Dr. Mephesto, we realize that scientific study is expensive.

- We wanna help you make this project more lucrative. - How would we do that?

It's easy.

As you can see, the ice man is listening to Ace of Bass,

which was a very popular group during his era.

Their primite drumming soothes people's tempers.

- He doesn't look very happy in there. - No, he sure doesn't.