Rick and Morty

Hey, you kids! Don't be bad outside my store!

I keep a nice store!

Give it up, old man!

We're just cool bad kids doing young stuff! Chh!

You guys wanna do more skateboard moves?

Which ones? The rad ones, that's which!

How are you kids?

Did you know your grandpa's tryin' to get your attention?

Yeah, yeah, screw off, weirdo.

Grandson, w-w-what's that mean?

He's one of those cult people.

They worship some psycho named roy

That says he's everybody's grandpa.

So what do you want to do today, e-eat some snacks

And maybe let me kiss you finally?

Y'know, with my mouth and stuff?

This is going on right now.

L-let's go check it out. Aw, geez.

C-come on, just for fun, you know?

No, that's not what I'm...

You guys keep thinking I'm a religious leader.

This isn't a religion. This is actual truth.

I'm a scientist in real life,

But this isn't real life, this is a video game.

Y-y-you at least understand that much, right?

This is a video game?

But you said I'm your grandson?

I'm saying everyone is.

Everyone here, everyone in this world but me.

You're all my grandson, your name is morty,

You're stuck in a video game, and I'm here to get you out.

What about me? Am I your grandson?

I just said everyone is!

- Wow! - Incredible!

Okay, okay, but don't react like that.

It's not a religion. This is what is happening.

You and me and your sister are at an arcade

Called blips and chitz.

It's been taken over by terrorists.

The power went out, the game restarted,

And your identity has been splintered

Into all the non-player characters.

So I jacked in as roy, that's the player character,

To get you, my grandson, morty,

Out of the game before it's over and you die.

Okay, question over here.

Am I your grandson? Jesus! Yes!

Every single one of you is one five-billionth of morty.

All of you, collectively, are morty.

Look, I-I don't wanna seem impatient

But there's actually a lot more that we have to get done

So if this is how hard it's gonna be,

We are in a lot of trou...

Summer, what?!

I can't do this if you keep bugging me!

Do you understand time dilation?

I'm losing a month a second out here.

There's an alien army shooting people.

What am I doing?!

It's a small group of alien terrorists.

Just do a "die hard." what does that mean?

Sneak around, use air vents. You've never seen "die hard"?

I'm 17. No, I've never seen "die hard"!

Well, neither did the guy in "die hard,"

So you're nailing it! Good luck!

Larry...

No, I'm at the end of my rope with this kid,

I swear to god...

Oh, you gotta be kidding me! Your beautiful hair!

This is not a daughter's haircut!

I'm not a daughter, I'm a grandson.

Your family had a perfectly fine religion!

You were raised jewish!

Dad, tell me anything specific about being jewish.

There's a million things!

You go to the temple with the... The... the special hat,

T-the falafafluten...

Oh, the falafafluten?

Our jewish words are gibberish

Because we're a 14-year-old boy

Who was raised nondenominational christian

And we're in a video game!

I don't need to hear this schmoitenheiven!

Let me ask you this, little miss grandson,

Little miss video game character.

If you're not my daughter, why stand in my house

Spouting this chatschkopfka?

Why even live here?

Good question.

There she goes! My daughter!

One five-billionth of a kid trapped in a video game!

Yeah, that and a college degree'll pay the rent!

What do you people want?

We have many interests,

But right now my primary one is the location.

Of. Your. Safe.

We exchange tokens for digital currency.

We don't have a safe.

Correction, what you don't have is a head.

Ohh!

Is this a weapon or a medical tool?

Why would you give me a gun with a laser that thin?

Did you hear me tell him he wouldn't have a head?

- He's dead, isn't he? - People die in surgery.

Hey! Who don't touched me?!

I don't like being touched!

Check the hostages.

Make sure nobody else here is doing a "die hard."

- Alright! Yeah! - Aw, geez!

Yeah. Look. I feel like every time I explain this,

I lose followers, but this isn't a religion.

And while I do have a message from a world beyond this one,

And I do need the entire world to hear my message,

What I do not need is any more songs about it.

Not in this genre.

I'm an old-school hip-hop man,

And no, that's not an invitation for you to try it

Because I'm just gonna say it,

We're missing the mark on diversity.

Get down!

You're all under arrest for being religious the wrong way!

It's not a religion! You know what, just shoot me.

You think your god makes you bulletproof?

There isn't even a god in the real world,

You fragmented putz.

There's extra no god in here.

You know what, hippie?

Talking like that is why you're getting shot!

If you kill him, the game ends and we all die.

Get down, lady! I'm not a lady.

And you're not a soldier.

We're one person, split into a lot of little pieces.

Y-you feel me? Dawg?

Y-y-you're not gonna hurt me. You're me.

My name is kevin! I'm a marine! I'm 30!

I'm a little racist but my best friend

Is an immigrant that translated for me

In a generic overseas war!

That's not true.

We're 14, we like pizza and masturbation,

We wear a yellow shirt,

And we have hair that looks like a brown helmet.

A-and we miss our family.

And we're in way over our heads again.

Why's this always happen, man?

I know, right? Aw, geez.

Aw, geez. Come here.

Aw, geez. Come here.

- Aw, geez. - Aw, geez.

- Aw, geez. - Aw, geez.

Who is that?

Her video game name is marta.

Okay. See, this I can work with.

"sneak around. Crawl in some vents.

Do a 'die hard.'"

Oh, my god, it's disgusting!

Actually, it tastes really good.

Oh, my god, it's disgusting that it tastes good!

Frank, have you found him? Report.

Oh. Oh. Walkie talkie. That's "die hard."

Don't have to see it to know that.

This is jons. I repeat, have you found him?

Breaker, breaker. Walkie talkie.

I got your walkie talkie. Bitch.

Are you doing a "die hard"?

Maybe.

Are... You? Also?

More or less.

And my associate, frank?

Uh, your associate frank is definitely not

Doing a "die hard."

You might even say he's doing a die easy.

Because I killed him and it wasn't difficult.

Calm yourself, winslow.

Winslow!

Ugh.

It's not every day one meets a fellow

"die hard" enthusiast, ms...

Call me "die hard."

Okay, die hard.

Tell me. What do you know about "die hard"?

What do you care? You writing a book about "die hard"?

As a matter of fact, I've written several.

Every sentient civilization across the galaxy

Eventually develops the same myth.

In centauri, it's known as "tower man."

The orionese have their "thornberg cycle."

And in andromeda it's called

"foolish to have imagined you'd be able to kill."

All of them what you'd call "die hard."

The difference being that cultures like mine

Are aware of its importance whereas I'm starting to doubt

You could even recall a single line.

Walkie talkie "die hard," mother

Aaah!

Not so long ago, grandsonism was being dismissed

As a doomsday cult.

But since a majority of the world decided,

Hey you know what, we like jerking off

And playing video games and our sister is out there