The Office

Hey, Al, can I help you out in here?

Oh, I'm all set, thanks.

Gotcha. Good. I'd go with the rows.

That's a good idea.

Today is diversity day,

and someone's gonna come in and talk to us about diversity.

It's something that I've been pushing...

That I've been wanting to push for a long time.

And corporate mandated it.

And I never actually talked to corporate about it.

Um, they kind of beat me to the punch.

Uh, little bastards.

Um, but, uh... but I was going to.

And I think it's very important that we have this.

And, uh, I'm very, very excited.

That's the thing. It's very sturdy paper.

And on the back it says 100% post-consumer content.

So... what?

Hello? Uh-huh.

Wait, what?

I'm sorry, Mr. Deckerd, I think I'm los...

I think I'm losing you.

Hello? Hello?

Yeah.

Hold on one sec. I don't know.

Hold on one second.

Do you really have to do that right now?

Yes, I do.

I should have done this weeks ago, actually.

Mr. Deckerd... I'm sorry about that.

What were you...

Can you hold on one second?

Yeah, just one second.

Thanks.

Hello?

Oh, that's it. Perfect.

So what I was saying...

Hello?

Thanks, Dwight.

Retaliation.

Tit for tit.

That is not the expression.

Well, it should be.

Need to mix them up. Need to mix them up.

This is my biggest sale of the year.

They love me over there for some reason.

I'm not really sure why, but, uh...

You know, I make one call over there every year,

just to renew their account.

And that one call ends up being 25% of my commission.

For the whole year.

So, you know, I buy a mini bottle of champagne

and celebrate a little.

And this year, I'm pushing recycled paper on them

for 1% more.

I know, I'm getting cocky, right?

Flying a little too close to the sun,

but, um... yeah, it's worth it.

Solitaire?

Yeah, FreeCell.

Six on seven.

I know. I saw that.

So then why didn't you do it?

I'm saving that,

'cause I like it when the cards go...

Who doesn't love that?

Snood?

FreeCell.

You can't play solitaire with two people.

It's a one-person game.

Well, we're not playing solitaire, and...

What's your win rate?

76%. What's yours?

You're not allowed to play two player.

Start over.

Hey, Oscar!

How you doing, man? All right.

So, did you get a good weekend going there?

It was fine. Oh, yeah, I bet it was fun.

Oh, hey, this is Oscar.

Martinez.

Right, see? I don't even know.

First-name basis.

Great, uh, we're all set.

Oh, hey, well, diversity, everybody.

Let's do it.

Oscar works in... here.

Jim, can you wrap it up, please?

Mr. Deckerd, please?

I... it's diversity day, Jim.

I wish every day was diversity day.

You know what? Um...

I'm actually gonna have to call you back.

Thank you. Sorry about that.

Thank you. Come on, people, let's get 'em in.

Thank you, great. Get in the cards!

Get in the cards!

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Okay, thanks for filling these out,

and I promise this'll be quick.

We only have about an hour.

Yeah, I would like to see us erase

100 years of racism in an hour.

Does this company have 100 years of racism?

No, no... the country.

Oh, right, more like 200 years of it.

Yeah, more like 1,000.

Mm. Okay, um...

At Diversity Today,

our philosophy is about honesty and positive expectations.

We believe that 99%

of the problems in the workplace

arise simply out of ignorance.

And the opposite of ignorance is information.

How do we deal with statistics

that say certain minorities commit more crimes?

Well, what statistics are you referring to?

I know, it's scary.

Um, not sure what you're saying,

but information will never leave us in...

You know what? You know what?

This is a color-free zone here.

Stanley, I don't look at you as another race.

Uh... see, this is what I'm talking about.

We don't have to pretend that we're color-blind.

Exactly. We're not color-blind.

That's fighting ignorance with more ignorance. And tolerance.

No, with more ignorance. Ignorance.

Right, exactly.

Uh, instead, we need to celebrate our diversity.

Let's celebrate. Right. Okay.

Celebrate good times. Come on!

Let's celebrate diversity, right?

Yes, exactly.

Now, here's what we're gonna do.

Uh, I've noticed that, uh, uh...

You know what? Here's what we're gonna do.

Why don't we go around, and everybody...

Everybodysay a race

that you are attracted to sexually.

I will go last. Go!

I have two. Nice.

White and Indian.

Actually, I'd prefer not to start that way.

Michael, I would love to have your permission

to run this session.

Can I have your permission?

Yes. Thank you very much.

And it would also help me if you were seated.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay, now, at the start of the session,

I had you write down an incident

that you found offensive in the workplace.

Now, what I'm going to do is choose one,

and we're gonna act it out...

A few other ground rules, just real quick.

Hey, why don't you run it by me,

and I'll run it by him.

Okay, can we steer away from gay people?

Uh, I'm sorry, it's an orientation.

It's not a race.

Plus, a lot of other races are also intolerant of gays.

So... paradox.

Well, we only have an hour.

Good. It'll save time.

Why don't we just defer to Mr., um...

Mr. Brown.

Ah! Oh, all right.

Okay, first test. I will not call you that.

Well, it's my name. It's not a test, okay?

Um, so, looking through the cards,

I've noticed that many of you wrote down the same incident,

which is ironic, because it's the exact incident

I was brought in here to respond to.

Now, how many of you are familiar

with the Chris Rock routine?

Hmm, very good.

Okay.

How come Chris Rock can do a routine,

and everybody finds it hilarious and groundbreaking.

Then I go and do the exact same routine...

Same comedic timing...

And people file a complaint to corporate?

Is it because I'm white, and Chris is Black?

So we're going to reenact this with a more positive outcome.

I will play the Chris Rock guy.

I would like to see someone else pull this off.

Well, let's have someone who wasn't involved

do the reenactment.

Okay, I will play Guy Listening.

Great, Guy Listening.

Okay, anyone else remember?

I remember. Great.

You're the Chris Rock guy, and you're Guy Listening.

Okay.

Kevin is a great guy.

He's a great accountant.

He is not much of an entertainer.

Basically, there are two types of Black people.

And Black people are actually more racist