The Rocker

- One, two, three, four! -

Whoo!

Aw, look at you, Cleveland!

Put your hands together for this one.

What's that?

Yeah!

Whoo!

Yeah!

- - Yeah!

- Thank you! - Come on!

- Yeah! - Whoo!

We love you, Cleveland! Whoo!

- Dudes! Yeah! - Yeah!

Do you have any idea how rare that is?

That kind of energy- comin' off the crowd, feedin' us.

- Yeah! - And us feedin' it right back to them!

That is what it's all about, my brothers.

- We are gonna be huge! - More importantly, how were my moves?

Oh, those moves. I got the best seat in the house-

right in between the guitar and the bass.

And you rocked!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

Oh, now, uh, that was classic Vesuvius.

Billy! - Billy! - Nice show!

- Whoo! - Hey, what did the label say?

- Yeah, what'd they say? - Let's start with some beers first.

Those are on me, and those are imported.

Imported-sounds like good news, right?

Oh, we're bad!

- Be right back! - More like awesome news.

- Ooh! -

Matchbook Records just offered us an awesome contract.

And it is awesome.

We're gonna be rich! Boom!

- I'm gonna get a Fiero. - I'm-I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

There's just one hitch.

They want you to replace Fish.

The president of the label wants to put his nephew in the band.

Fish is the heart and soul of this band.

- We've been together since high school. - Yeah.

- He came up with the name Vesuvius. - He's a great drummer.

Guys, they're gonna put money behind you.

That means videos. That means touring.

No. Forget it, Billy. We're not gonna sell him out...

just because some rich kid wants to play rock star.

- Forget it! - All right.

I'm callin' the head of the label right now...

and tell him where he can stick his nephew.

Oh, and there was talk of you guys opening for Whitesnake, but, uh...

sometimes opportunity knocks twice, right?

- Whitesnake, man. - Dude, I love that band.

I mean, think about it. Fish'll land on his feet, right?

Right. Like I said, he's a great drummer.

Right. He's gonna be fine.

Billy, hang up that phone.

You traitors!

Start the van, man! Start the van! He's comin'!

- - No!

- Start the damn car, man! - Get the car started!

- I think we lost him! - I don't think that went too well.

What a baby!

- Oh! We did it, guys. - We totally did it.

- We're all right. - That was kind of awesome!

- Yeah, it's gonna be all right. - I think we lost him.

That's definitely gonna be in the book about us, you know?

You know, he-he didn't fit.

- -

- -

After all we've been through, and you sell me out just like that?

- - Oh, my God!

He was like a jet plane.

- So fast. - Fast runner. Definitely a fast runner.

- I didn't know how fast he was. - I was goin' 60.

- He kind of ran like a gazelle, right? - I was gonna say that.

- Like his stride was really big. - Yeah, it was really big.

Like he had lived with animals or something, like in the woods for a long time.

- And he, like, mimicked- -

- Speed up! - What is that?

- Oh, my- -

We gotta shake him loose, man!

I will drag you down to hell with me!

I will eat your souls!

- Hit the brakes, man! -

Oh, my God, Kerr. You killed him.

You killed him.

He deserved it, man.

He's dead.

He can't be killed!

Dude, he can't be killed.

He can't be killed. Come on! Back it up!

- Back it up! - Back it up, man!

He's a zombie!

I don't need you!

I'm gonna be 10 times bigger than you.

No. A billion times bigger than you.

No. "Eleventy" billion trillion...

"vermillion" times bigger than you!

Geez! This would be a great album if I could ever listen to it.

New Vesuvius, fellas.

Waited in line two hours last night to get it.

Supposed to be amazing.

Everybody thought they peaked when their sixth album went platinum.

But then they came back and blew the doors off with Devil's Nursery.

Devil's Nursery rocks.

Look at those faces. It's the etchings of time, man.

- These guys have really lived, you know? - Yeah. I know.

Oh, you a fan? I mean, how could you not be, right?

I don't really listen to heavy metal music.

- Oh, dude, you gotta hear this. - No, I don't.

No, seriously. If you've never heard-

Seriously. I'm not interested.

Trust me. One track, you're gonna be hooked for life. -

Hello. Zammit's Metal Racking. How can I help you? - Hello. Zammit's Metal Racking.

What? You wanna hear the new Vesuvius?

I'll burn you a copy.

- -

Do not tell me that this was about them.

Well, as it happens, by coincidence...

it was the new album by- Vesuvius.

Damn it, Rob.

Which was terrible, by the way- totally overproduced. - Really?

- Mm-hmm. - Okay, look, Rob.

I know that we've been through this a whole bunch...

and I know that you think you're getting past it...

but this is not getting past it.

It has been 20 years. You've gotta let it go.

I have let it go.

And the universe just keeps shoving Vesuvius right back in my face.

Look, guppy, I don't think I can do this anymore.

This just isn't working for me. I'm sorry.

- I think it's time- - I break up with you.

- What? - I break up with you.

- No. - I-

No!

- Yes. - What?

- What were you gonna say? - You know what I was gonna say.

- I interrupted, and I'm sorry. - You just said what I was gonna say.

- I am breaking up with you. - What are you doing?

- I am fantastic. You want to break up with me? - Okay, listen.

I'm going to have to ask you to pack your things and leave.

This is my apartment.

This is gonna be great. I'll get a fresh start.

You know, get my life back on track.

- That's the attitude, Robert. - Thanks, Sis.

So you'll be on your feet and out of this house in, what, about a week?

Lisa. Come on. Give the guy a break.

- Thank you, Stan. - Talk about your missed opportunity.

Imagine if he was still in Vesuvius.

My brother-in-law in Vesuvius.

Do you know what our lives would be like?

I'd be wearing silk underwear right now.

It's like winning the lottery...

and having the lottery ticket ripped up in front of your face.

Thank you, Stan.

I thought we weren't supposed to use the "V" word in front of Uncle Rob.

- He can take it. - So, have you heard?

Matt got in to M.I.T.

- Well, that makes sense. - That's my boy.

'Cause last time I saw you, you were building a robot.