Into the Wonderwoods (Angelo dans la forêt mystérieuse)

First, it'll open with the credits

and a loud jaw-dropping soundtrack.

The credits are gonna have a ton of names though,

'cause the movie will cost a billion dollars

and the special effects are gonna be like,

pow, pow, pow!

And I can't forget about the action scenes!

Oh, but there's no love scenes in the movie

'cause everyone knows those are ugh!

And you better believe there's gonna be

a bunch of super famous actors

doing the craziest stunts you've ever seen,

like jumping off a spaceship onto an atom bomb!

Boom!

The credits will continue appearing on screen

with names you won't even have time to read

because they're so long and boring!

It starts like this.

Angelo presents "The Adventures of Angelo."

Hold on, let me try again.

Angelo presents "The Adventures of Angelo the Adventurer,"

and the title of today's episode is,

"Angelo's Search for the Holy Grail."

Hi there, kids.

It is I, Angelo, the world's greatest adventurer.

I'm on a mission to find

the legendary Grail of Eternal Life.

My search has led me to this jungle

where danger lurks around every turn.

- -There!

There!

There!

-Whoa! -Wow!

Angelo, eat up so you can go brush your teeth.

Nobody gets to tell Angelo

what he can and can't do, sweetie.

What's that?

-Oh, it's nothing. -Hmm.

Keep eating that fast

and you'll give yourself a tummy ache.

Thank you, oh wise one, for your precious advice.

Now, where must I look to find

the legendary Grail of Eternal Life?

You'll find the grail at the foot of the Devil's Faucet.

But I recommend that you turn back now

for it is only your death that awaits you there.

Not even death scares Angelo.

I understand. I'll get on it right away.

Honey, could you heat up Ellie's food?

I have to send an email.

Oh, with pleasure.

After all this little tiger needs her feeding.

Mwah, mwah, mwah.

Where's Leo?

Oh, I don't believe this.

Leo, it's time to eat!

Leo, get down here now!

Okay, heard you the first time!

-Ugh. -

Could it be?

My lifelong arch nemesis, Doofus Man?

So, which setting is for Ellie's food?

What? The usual.

I'm sorry.

Um...

The usual it is.

After having escaped death 18 times,

Angelo finally found the relic he'd been searching for.

The Holy Grail.

I promise that it'll be ready a minute.

How about a delicious slice of sandwich bread instead?

Angelo the Adventurer was making his way

to the grail when suddenly...

Tarantula Gigantica appears!

We can hear you, slap head.

Doofus Man.

Doofus Man

is Angelo the Adventurer's arch nemesis

who was pieced together from other doofuses.

Look at the cute little spider.

Let's find out how it looks after I'm done squashing it.

Leave him alone! He didn't do anything wrong!

We'll just see about that, slap head.

Nobody calls me slap head and gets away with it.

Slap head! Slap head! Slap head!

- -No need to be upset.

- -Hmm?

Hey, what's going on?

Is it serious?

What did the doctor say?

There's no hope? Really?

I, I understand.

We'll get there soon as possible.

What's the matter, darling?

That was my sister.

Mom's fallen ill.

She's not gonna make it.

What's Mom sad about?

Are you getting divorced?

Your aunt just called.

She said Gran is sick.

The, the doctor seems to think it's serious.

I hate to say it,

but your gran might not be here with us much longer.

What's wrong with her?

Is she really gonna die?

Has her battery run out?

Uh...

Gran's gonna die?

But I can't imagine life without her.

- -Gran lives in the countryside

where it's crawling with all sorts of critters.

Hurry up and help me, Gran,

before I get eaten alive by these brain sucking aliens!

Too late.

Be sure to take your shoes off before coming in.

Gran always cheats whenever we play cards.

You cheated!

Ha! Prove it.

Sometimes with Gran

I get to watch movies that are usually just for grownups.

Now you'll know what they call me Ragnar the Butcher!

Close your eyes. It's too graphic.

Come on!

Gran has a way with words and the best advice.

If you have to make an important decision,

listen to your inner voice above all else.

It'll always tell you the right thing to do.

If anyone says otherwise, you give 'em this.

I promise I will.

Psst.

Gran has a special way of handing out candy.

Which hand?

But don't tell your mom.

You got it.

Oh, you're such a rascal, aren't ya?

But above all,

she gives lovely Gran-smelling hugs.

Hmm.

Didn't we pass here already?

Shit, you're right.

Daddy said a curse word!

What did he say?

He just said shit.

Angelo cursed!

Shut up, you doofus.

You're the doofus, slap head.

Would it kill you to use the GPS?

Stop calling me slap head, you mega doofus.

-Slap head. Slap head. -Shut up.

-Slap head. Slap head. -Shut up!

It's the same every time.

- - "We don't need a GPS."

"No machine's gonna tell me where to go."

- Shut up! - Blah, blah, blah.